sudden, drastic increase. my ankles are so bad they kept waking me up. they feel tight and swollen and really painful, not when i'm walking or moving them. i was lying in bed, no pressure on my feet or ankles, and my ankles hurt so much. my left hip has been getting just worse and worse; yesterday the stairs at work became a big problem. forget physically - emotionally i'm starting to break.

this should be one of the happiest times of my life - i'm happily married, celebrating my 10th anniversary at disney world this year, my only brother is getting married this october, i just completed my internship and received my state credential as an alcohol and substance abuse counselor, my half-sisters graduate high school in a couple of weeks, my niece and nephew both graduated college this spring... there are so many good things going on, but no matter how much i try to focus on those and shove positivity down my own throat, i can't. i just wallow.

i go to work, come home, nap for 1-3 hours, make dinner, spend some time with the hubby and the cats, and then go to bed and sleep for another 8 hours. if i can. usually i can't because of the pain and discomfort. i'm afraid to make plans to go to the farms, or go shopping, or anything like that because i don't know if i'll be able to walk. and i don't want to disappoint my husband. or whoever we're going with.

i have a call in to both a dermatologist and a rheumy to get these patches looked at (and a slightly suspicious looking 'freckle' while i'm there) and see if we're looking at PsA and not RA. i've been doing some yoga poses and stretches to try and keep my hips open and strong. i just don't know what else to do and i feel bad vomiting all my bad stuff up here but i'm just over everything.