Hmm! My balance is bad. I had an inner ear infection in my 30's, long before RA. I was a ballerina before that. Danced on pointe! I could stand on one foot forever. For many years after, I could not balance in my garden on two feet, if the ground was a bit unlevel at all. When I dislocated my knee in 2012, the PT had me doing those balance exercises, and I hated that balancing disc with a passion. Besides, the accident was over, right? When I broke my wrist 2 years later, the reason was because of balance! Because I can't stay upright on my bike if I don't see where I am going. The ears just don't keep me up. My PT told me that our core also helps us balance, and mine is not strong! I do exercise a lot - weights, stretches and riding my bicycle, but I have not worked consistently on core strength. So this will be a new goal.

But, my immediate goal for now is to get over this respiratory infection I have. I'm off to see a doc to get my second set of antibiotics, Taking prednisone, too!

Balance is very important, and it is one of the many things we lose as we age (along with sight, hearing, sense of smell, libido, and on and on and on...). I also lost some balance BECAUSE of RA-related ankle problems. There are apparently balance mechanisms in our ankles as in our ears.

I do a one-hour exercise class 3x week that includes balance along with stretching, strength training, coordination... It also helps my stamina. I try to never miss it.

Very good point!
I was at PT today (for my ankle) at which time I came to the realization that I have zero flexibility! Fortunately she said we need to work on my hips too, to help with stability for my ankles. So I will add flexibility to the list too.

basedump...ha ha ha...I have one of those too.

All good ideas. Balance, core strength, general aerobic conditioning and strength training. And stretching. I have a yoga-inspired stretching routine that I do in the am and before bed, that I've followed faithfully for years, although I've shortened it due to some physical limitations. It's got some of the components you all have mentioned, as well as meditative qualities. Excellent before bed, and the leg stretches help immensely with restless legs.

Long before I was diagnosed, but when i was having back problems, I found a yoga class for broken people. Seven of us..........I remember the Vietnam vet with the bad neck, and a morbidly obese woman who came half an hour early every week because walking up the flight of stairs to the studio winded her so badly she needed recovery time. It was a beautiful experience, not only for the actual exercise but psychologically. I think it was there that I came to terms with my inherent brokenness, and realized that every single person in the world is broken too, only in different ways, and some can't see it yet. I think that realization, years before RA entered my life, made accepting the diagnosis easier when the time came.

Yoga isn't just for 'yoga bunnies' in trendy Lularoe clothes. We all had different needs, but we all found help there.

The instructor, sadly, moved on, and no one else on the staff there felt the inclination to take over the class.

If you can find such a program, it could be beneficial. And now that I think about it, I might start being pro-active and contacting some people I know and asking them to consider teaching such a class.

I do agree we are all broken - and that starts long before RA. There are places that need healing in our souls, as well as our bodies.

I encounter so many people who are shocked to death, for one reason or another that their lives aren't perfect. I try and help them understand this basic concept of brokenness. A lot of the reason is because people pretend their lives are perfect, and that brings out envy in others. Another reason is the media. Even the broken people seem to be perfect on TV and in the movies.

Before my meds failed, I was a chaplain in long term care. I loved it! Many of those old people taught me lessons about brokenness but still continuing on! I had always hoped to go back, but I am coming to grips with the fact that I will never have the stamina, strength or ability to do the walking, standing and being there on time every day. And that too, is a journey and a process.

I agree, Marlene! I give talks to aspiring second-career farmers - people who, like myself, decide to upend everything and get into farming in midlife. And one of my keys points is that those of us who are older tend to have already accepted our own mortality and our brokenness, and we realize we need community, and that's why, in a nutshell, older people can in fact make a go at such a demanding profession. Because if you don't, you're not going to last long.

Is there an outlet for your experience, skills and compassion on line? you already give so much here on this forum, but is there an actual organized outreach through the internet for counseling in long term care, perhaps for people who live in hard to reach areas? It wouldn't provide the opportunity for holding someone's hands and looking directly into their eyes, and the people who need it most might not be able to read or type themselves......but surely there's some angle here that could work as a way for you to continue that ministry.

I don't buy into the bit about being broken. I have diseases, ailments and limitations, but I'm in no way broken. Not my spirit, not my body, not the way I walk through this life. My slight limp, and my lack of ability to lift heavy things above my head or run for more than a short dash are signs that I'm dealing with some limitations, but not broken and not anywhere close to accepting "never." If it's a question of how you view your "condition" (whatever specific you want to apply), then my advice is to speak to yourself in a language than encourages well-being and growth. Of course I've modified my life and the way I do things, but that's so I can keep on going.

BTW, another good activity to promote well-being, which I wholeheartedly recommend, is Tai Chi. I haven't practiced for several years, after my VCR died, but there are a lot of classes near to where I live, so I'll be back soon. I prefer Yang style and suggest the short form. You can find DVD's or Utube videos, but it's amazing to be in a group, guided by a master.

Everyday for self care I read my Bible App. There are plans that you can choose from depending on what your spiritual needs are. Also, I am fortunate enough to see a councilor once a week. I just started this about 5 months ago, not sure what I was waiting for.

Jolinejoline, my choice of words might be easier to accept if I explain that when I say 'we' are broken I don't mean the RA community, I mean everyone. Everyone's got something to deal with. Everyone has something they can't do well, something for which they benefit from community support. For me, 'broken' does not mean for one moment that I can't still accomplish amazing things, and the same goes for anyone else dealing with RA or any other challenge. For me, realizing that we're all broken means saving my energy for where it can make a difference, not wasting it banging my head against a brick wall wishing I didn't have to deal with RA. In that sense, I firmly believe that my choice of language - again, for me - does in fact encourage well-being and growth, because - for me - it's beginning from a point of acceptance: "I've got this Thing, which sucks, but, everyone has a Thing of some sort, so how about figuring out how to deal with it, and let's see how you can achieve your potential?" That's my internal monologue, and I find it to be a healthy one. For me.

I suspect we're really on the same page and the difference is semantic. When you say you've modified your life and the way you do some things, that sounds to me very much like what I'm saying: it is what it is, let's figure out a way to deal with it.

But in the end, each of needs to choose the language which works for us.

The Tai Chi suggestion is a great one. I used to think it was odd that all the commercials for meds targeted to older audiences included background shots of people doing Tai Chi - I thought it was an odd coincidence - and then a friend who practices it explained that it's actually one of the best disciplines for anyone with mobility issues, or fragile bones, or various other ailments.

Hey, katie. I think I understood your OP, when you said "inherent brokenness," and that idea followed with Marlene saying "I do agree we are all broken..." I'm not thinking RA, I'm not specifically thinking disease, illness, infirmity of body or spirit. And, please don't think I'm speaking against you; just presenting my thoughts, some of which, as you say, are probably different by semantics alone. What I heard was sort of like the evangelical "we are all sinners" line, and I don't buy into that either. I believe in personal responsibility for ideas, as well as our health and whatever we make of spirituality.

I agree with what you say about benefiting from community, in the sense that we can learn from others, and that we make community, by reaching out to help or be helped. I'm actually not interested in achieving my potential, however. That would mean having to understand what that is, be focused on reaching something which may not interest me tomorrow. That does mean I don't try to do my best in whatever I do, but I may not want to move on to something else. Goals are wonderful motivators, but I'd rather keep my eyes on the horizon and be surprised by some new delight.

That is funny about Tai Chi in the backgroud of med commercials. No TV, so I've missed that, but I have a clear image (soft focus), so maybe I've see a print ad.

This is a good post and thread. I hope I'm not messing it up.

No, no, you're not messing anything up at all. Discussion is always good. We need more of it here. And, I'm about as un-evangelical as you can get. Just substitute "mortal" for "broken" and think of it in the sense of accepting that physical strength and flexibility and so on is a bell curve for humans whether or not we have RA. If we find ourselves on the downward slope of that bell curve, well, it's helpful to remember that this happens to every single person on the planet, after all. As I get older I try to tell myself that my increased life experience and intelligence more than makes up for my decreasing ability to run or lift heavy things, that it all sort of evens out. My kids suggest that the increased intelligence perception on my part might be slightly delusional., but i'm sticking to it.

I'm all about the personal responsibility part of it, too, but I think a healthy approach has got to accept the inevitability that our physical bodies will wear out no matter how positive an attitude we have - so we need to strive for that balance, and find joy where we can. There's a time to be angry and fight, and there's a time to say okay, this is my reality now, let's see how we can get the best out of this situation. And it's very rarely an either / or situation. Most of us, rightly, just want to balance the two.

There's one potential downside to embracing personal responsibility, and it goes along with what I'm saying about figuring out what can be changed and what can't. (And regardless of spiritual practices, I think most of us see the wisdom in the Serenity Prayer, and try to seek the wisdom to figure out what has to be accepted and what can be changed.) I've got a good friend whose second bone marrow transplant is failing, and while her attitude and mindset are very good, she's getting a lot of crap from 'helpful' relatives right now who tell her that if her attitude is good enough she'll come through this. Implied in that is the reverse: if you don't get better, it's your fault for not thinking positively. (At least, this is what she tells me she hears when they say it.) She's also got an aunt who is still telling her that if she'd only followed a 'better diet', (which means the specific one the aunt follows) that she wouldn't have gotten cancer in the first place. My friend hasn't been irresponsible in any way. We might one day understand the source of all cancers, or RA, or various other things, but until we do, these things will seemingly happen out of the blue to some of us. We're personally responsible for doing the things we know will benefit us and avoiding those that will harm us, but there's still a lot we don't know and can't control.

I don't think that trying to figure out potential and work towards it is in any way limiting. You can still take all the fascinating detours you choose and follow whatever path opens up to you. It's not like 'maximum potential' can ever be achieved anyway. This is about the journey and not the destination, right? The horizon IS the goal. When I use the term 'potential' in the context of getting my head around having this disease, I mean I want to keep myself open to paths I have not yet explored instead of agonizing over ones that might be now closed off to me. I definitely don't mean writing out some kind of day to day action plan and sticking to it no matter what. I mean squeezing every juicy drop out of life that I can.

RA has made my single motherhood the past 15 years, more expensive - anything that in any way eats into one's earning capacity when supporting others inherently is. It took away some of my fun years but I still manage to be a bigly (had to use it had to use it) sinner of which I am thoroughly joyful. options are more financially spun than we care to see based upon the privilege meter of our lives.

depot

Sorry about your friend, katie, and it's completely unfair that people throw out judgement like her aunt. Four friends died between October of last year and January. Two unexpectedly and quickly, one who I knew very well many years ago, but was old and wearing away and the other who was probably my best friend on this planet, this life. He, too, was old, and had done a lot of living. He didn't deserve the fate he was handed, but he could laugh at the irony of his demise and easily say that it was going to be something else if not that.

Serenity prayer, courage, wisdom, acceptance. Depot mentioned joyfulness (in a bigly delightful way), and her observation that options are deceivingly, sometimes unfairly, spun financially is keen. If one lives in privelege, no matter how one got there, perhaps the trials that bring us to this discussion, or the realization of the difficulties in dealing with them, never come to bear on their particular reality in the same way.

I really do get what your saying, katie, and I hope that and everyone else, doesn't feel as though I'm using "personal responsibility" as a cure all, certainly not in the "if you only did this" kind of way. And, I'm searching for a concise way to express what I I'm trying to say. So, let me try again...

I believe that if someone says I can't do this or that, if it's not expressly obvious that I can't, then I'm likely to try to do, because that's how I'm wired. Sometimes I make stupid mistakes, and sometimes I'm simply blown away by the experience. Sometimes it's one and out, sometimes it's a great disappointment, sometimes it's a treasure, usually it's life altering, because I've either overcome something or gained the wisdom. The challenge, courage, wisdom and sometimes joy.

I was diasabled at the onset of RA, reliant on the good graces and love of a partner and cautioned about what I could do and couldn't do. Challenge! And, when I'm not suffering from the funk of what all this shit means - that is, RA has stamped it's limitations on what I used to be able to do, and it carries the constant reminder that I can't even know it's full impact (I'm thinking internally), until it manifests in some way I can't predict. I can't remember at this moment some of the things you've said in past posts, katie, but I think it was you who have examined past visitations of not-rightness and wondered if those things were part of this RA picture. I have, too, and I thing, it's only natural, and good and healthy. And, I'm not afraid or against researching every little thing that looks or feels odd.

BUT, here's what I'm trying to say. Do all the scary research (it's your responsibility, so you can ask the "experts"), but do everything you can in life, as though you didn't have RA or scary unanswered questions. I don't have young kids at home, and at (almost) 70, I have very few obligations that I can't slip out of, but here's the thing. I do push myself to do the things I know I like, or have liked, and the wisdom comes in realizing that I can't go as far, as fast or as high as I used to, that some of the people I would really like to have by my side can't be there, for one reason or another, but if someone offers me a new opportunity ( a friend recently mentioned skydiving), then I'm all over it. Woo hoo!

I've been in bad places, understand that I'm extremely fortunate to be able to think this way, but this is it until the end

I send wishes bigly to everybody who is suffering and feels less inclined or capable to do what they want, but PM me if you want to a) bitch or b) want to know some tips.

Thank you, katie, for introducing this topic and for being so awesome. You're a gem.

I think I need a t-shirt that says "bigly bitch"...........

I'm all about pushing, and trying new and scary things. But there needs to be a reality balance as well. When I was a teenager, we all decorated our bedroom with those cheesy Argus posters with slogans like "if you believe, you can achieve". Now, there's definitely some wisdom in that. If you don't believe, you definitely won't achieve. But, what if I believe I'm going to be a supermodel? 'Cause that ship has sailed. Actually, that ship never..... well, you get the idea. But if I set my heart on a supermodel contract, I'm destined for disappointment and headed for a lifetime of feeling inadequate.

And if I cling to that dream to the exclusion of pursuing more viable options, then I can do some real damage. I think, here, of the inner city kids I taught who told me that they didn't need any book learning because they were going to get pro sports contracts. On the one hand, their confidence in their dream was unshakable. But the singlemindedness of it cost them dearly in the long run. Backup plans are good.

Now, if I believe I can dunk a basketball, well, yes, actually, I could, because there are plenty of crazy dreams that are achievable with a little tweaking. Could I dunk a basketball in the context of a game? Hell no. But could it be done? Sure. I'd need a ladder. Well, three ladders, really, because I don't like heights. So I'd want a friend on either side of me. Court completely cleared of distractions so I could focus on the (to me) death-inducing ladder-climbing. Then, positioned directly over the basket, a friend would hand me the ball, and the other friend would keep a hand on my back because, you know, letting go of the ladder to hold the ball would be terrifying. And then, gravity being the reliable badass that it is, I could dunk the ball.

Extreme? Sure. But see, I do agree that we can still do (nearly) anything (perhaps with modifications). I just don't want to waste any time on those things that are in fact futile. And normal aging, plus the whimsies of the gene pool, have ruled out a couple of things, so I'll turn my focus elsewhere. The world will just have to go on without an overweight freckled musician-farmer on the cover of magazines. Their loss.

And yeah, privilege. A year ago I would have said I understood what it meant, and now, I think I'm maybe actually getting close to understanding it, but what a year of upheaval it's been as I've re-examined the whole concept and listened to so many people's eye-opening stories. I think the fact that i didn't really understand what privilege was underscores the amount of privilege I have. Because I just took it or granted. No longer.

Depot, Joline, we need to hang out and have a beer.