I understand perfectly what you are saying. It would be great to be able to lose 25 lbs and have the pain stop. If we could only be so lucky.
As someone that lives with pain daily and tries not to complain too much it is hart to listen to someone that complains all the time.
Hopefully this will pass and he will get relief from his pain. I hope you can get some relief with getting back on your meds.

The thing I love about this group, someone's been there done that or can identify. My husband messed up his Sciatic (back).
He's never had any back problems & it's driving him crazy. Now I was emphatic until he stopped treatment. I'm pretty quite about how I feel.
Finally I just said "unless you do something I do not want to hear it" & proceeded to let him know I'd do whatever to avoid having pain the rest of my life. Makes me so mad. He's not a complainer so I know it's really hurting but dang do something. No ice no nothing.....
Mind you he watched me go through hell with my spine & be left in chronic pain & yet he risks it?
He's now trying to get help but it's only been a week.
Very hard at times to not scream in frustration. Pretty sure if loosing weight solved our problems we'd sure try.
I've made some choices with meds that backfired so I'm not one to judge. Who's perfect?
This is a place to vent & your not a B with an itch, you human.
I do hope you have a good Dr & gain control & relief.
Let us know how it goes.
Good luck with your husband & what ever you do, do not allow it to cause you to clench & grind. Just resorts it more pain.
Sammy

As someone with 14 herniated disks in my spine, may I share something?

Yes, my doc is always on my back to lose weight because for most of my adult life, I was around 250lbs....and only 5'2". I was FAT.....and I don't mean to say anyone else is but I got sick of the alternate wording....I was fat. Once I could say that, I found a way to lose and I'm down 80 lbs.

You know what? Didn't help my back pain one bit. But it will help me recover from back surgery better without that big belly pulling on my back.

Spine docs never speak the truth unless pushed into it. Losing weight rarely helps when a nerve is compressed. But it makes the PT you need for it, easier to do and if you need surgery, it makes the long recovery easier to do. I know....I'm looking at spine surgery #5 in the near future.

So I know your hubby's pain and it can be severe and "elecritical" in nature. I hate that pain and have it today and it makes RA pain small in comparison. Hits my back or leg and I can't walk....period. I must just stand still until it has passed enough that I won't get it with the next step. My hubby has it too in his right leg and he's a trucker. Has had times when trying to brake the truck and had to withdraw his right leg abruptly and use his left foot instead. Until you've felt that pain.

For everyone....don't compare pain. What we feel will change over time and what another feels ...well...we don't know. We can't feel it. For them, it may be really bad. Best to do exactly what Lucky11cubed is doing....vent to people who know your pain and empathize.

And since I'm trying to get my hubby to lose weight before he has surgery, Don't play "mom" and nag but do make sure you don't bring home junk for him.....make sure healthy food is available and when you can, discuss how much better you feel having lost and now eating better food. I Teens want junk...then hide it in a specific place just for them. My hubby took bananas for his snack for the first time yesterday. It's working. And he's lost a few pounds but is remarking about his increased energy and I told him maybe it was from the nutritious food he's eating. He's had a salad with every dinner this past week and was so energetic this past weekend, he didn't know what to do with himself! I "blamed" the salad.

Men! So hard for us women to deal with! But after 41 years and a good therapist, I'm finally figuring him out!

gentle hugs and thank you for venting..............Jen

oh yes, I can relate to this. If I MENTION (not complain, just keeping him informed) any issues, he will say 'I know, because I have ( fill in the blank ), and he turns it into about him, so that I know he is worse off than I am. Had shoulder issues for years, would mention it for the first couple years, then realized that he felt his whatever the issue at the time, was worse than mine, and he probably felt I was being a little whiney. So, stopped complaining, continued with PT, occasional shots, and finally MRI that showed several issues. The Orthopedist would no longer give shots to me, said the only thing left was surgery, one that would mean 3+ months of PT, twice a week, may never get full function back, etc, etc. and could take a year to heal. So, I call my husband, to let him know that I was having surgery, and would need a ride. The man was stunned-shocked-disbelief! Well, I said, I told you more than once I had shouder problems.........

An update to that October shoulder surgery - it is doing great. I don't think I will get full range of motion again, but pain level is way down, and my range of motion is much improved. I am glad I had the surgery done.

Hey 51......you think men are hard to deal with? I may have a different perspective on that. Any case Lucky, don't slap the guy, I promise that wont get you where you want to go.

Just speaking up for the other half.....mostly in jest. :)

Ray

Ray....just my opinion. But I bet if you ever had a baby......you'd never have a second one!

hugs............Jen

OH no, you are not being a b### lol.
If he had to deal with the pain you do everyday, then you would have to shoot yourself haha.
I was a massage therapist for years. On my high pain days, it was very hard to be compassionate to winers over a little muscle knot.
But I just put on a smile and did my best. (That also made me aware that it was time to just take care of me)
Now, I just have to try to be for my healthy husband that hurt himself working out to hard.
Must be nice right lol

Good luck with your pain, hope you can get meds going again

Jen, I bet would have a second one if maternity leave lasted 36 years like it has for my wife! :0

Hugs back at you :)
Ray

come on Ray - you really did not mean that :) - your personal family decisions are something you both decided together, no? and that one you had? when he/she goes back to work (when you become the proud grandpa someday!! :) ) after 8 weeks of nursing and with infant day care, and a full time job, then maybe that will round out your perspective somehow...then add RA at work with multiple small children and you get a lot of women...wow like maybe me and perhaps others? :). And maybe you can modify your work schedule and bond grandpa wise and be the provider now and then. Grandparents are nice for infant and toddler day care. someone to love and trust.


well lucky at least you two will be on the same page at home and out and about with the nutritious eating and the weight reduction goals maybe? that sometimes helps I bet. positivity and coping mechanisms are different for different folks - maybe he just copes by shooting the hay about it is all I can come up with. like I know both women and men that like to vetch about their stuff. I rather make jokes. you sound like a smiley face type. we are all different.

I am glad he is understanding as you say in your post. thank goddess you both don't have an auto immune disease - i bet there are couples on here who are two-fers - I am glad one of you has something that may resolve and I am sorry you are the one that has to take the crappy dmards and biologics.

does it kick up for him at work? that must suck for him if it does.

3 teenage boys (oh man do you have three learning to drive also? ) can I see your food bill at home ? :)

kudos to both of you

depot

We all need to vent at some point - whether about ourselves, our pain, our treatment, our dr, or work or someone or whatever, we just do at some point. It's a healthy thing to vent things out, review it, get any input from others, then decide if it's worth pursuing changes or a different approach or just to let it go! Groups like this or to be sitting around scrapbooking with my friends, it's THERAPY and it's fun and cheaper than a certified therapist (although in some situations, I do agree that may be the better choice). Hopefully he will begin to get some relief and you 2 can come up with an approach you both can live with! HUGS!

Thanks all!! I am over it now!! LOL!! Just to clarify my husband works from home and there is not a set time when he has pain. Its not his back and it seems to be fine when he wants to do something like skydive or drive his tiny tiny roadster (which I have to take pain meds to after riding in)etc...I really don't care most of the time its just the other day it was whine whine whine!! Our kids even make fun of him for it. He is always coming up with experimental ways he "read about" etc....they cost money and don't work!!! He complained for nearly 2 yrs before going to dr, when I forced him to go, and its been over a year since FIRST dr said its weight related....gone to other doctors recently for infection and was told same thing....not sure why he asked think he was hoping for other opinion! He IS wonderful and great and I love him more than anyone else!!! He eats healthy during day with me but at night he gets into kids stuff. YES 3 teenage boys keep me pretty busy at the grocery store!! NO this is not a man v woman issue and I don't feel that way at all!! Its that he has a solution but that he won't take it!!! And its a pretty easy one!! And the pain doesn't stop him from doing anything, except when convenient ;) Its all good now!! I am actually having a bad methatrexate hang over today and he has been sweet and is even pick up kids from school and ordering pizza for dinner!! I really did luck out with is whine butt!! LOL!