I am new to posting to this group but have been reading it for months. I am a young, energetic, smart, driven wife and mother of 4 who manages a busy call center. Oh, and I have RA. I was diagnosed one year ago this week. I am currently on Remicade every 8 weeks and methotrexate which I take on Friday night as to not interfere with my work, but only to steal away my weekend. I generally have a glass half full, can-do attitude. I have read everything I could put my hands on including the prescribing information for every TNF, DMARD, supplement, etc. When I was diagnosed, I was sort of relieved. Finally, I knew what I was dealing with, but really, I have NO idea what I am dealing with. Everyday with RA is different. At one point I was starting to feel that despite the many side effects, you know, medication for the side effects of my medication, I was moving in the right direction. But am I? I am starting to look better from a clinical standpoint, but not feeling better. In fact, I'm feeling almost as bad as I did when I was diagnosed. Fatigue is on the rise. I resent having my children serve me meals in bed because I can only climb the stairs once and I have expended all of my energy on the career I have spent years building. I resent having to think about what activities I will engage in in terms of what the consequences will be later. I resent having my very dedicated husband and loving mother take care of me, when I can't. I resent the moments that fatigue steals from my life. I resent having all of these wonderful thoughts, but being stuck in this body. I resent the fear of addiction to pain medication. My hands and feet are constantly in pain in addition to the man other points of pain. Having given birth to 3 of the 4 children naturally, this pain is unrelenting, nagging at best. Insomnia has crept in because the pain is so great. On the flip side, I am grateful for the love we share as a family; for my limited mobility; for being in my right mind; for having access to medical care;for being able to feel the warm summer sun;for family and friends;for a God who promises to never leave me or forsake me;for life itself. I have decided, however frustrated I may be, I am living in spite of RA.
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