Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
FANTASTIC week here at work. As always, the stories I share are with patient consent...
One woman, LH, graduated Wednesday. She has come so far, done so incredibly well. She had been habitually self-abusive with vicious sex, and had never even realized that her boundaries were harmful in that area. She realized that her need of male approval had cost her an entire inner life (she also worked as a stripper for two years), and she became more outspoken and confident right before out eyes, every day. When a peer went through the upheaval of leaving a bad relationship, LH was supportive at every step, normalizing the feelings of guilt and despair, and helping the other woman accept and even become proud of her choice to leave her partner. LH told new peers, "Matt will work his butt off for you and will give you all the tools you need, but he won't take the credit. He'll make you work for it--damned hard--and he will make sure you don't go through this alone." Wow, thanks!
Another patient who graduated today left an abuser a week ago, and wrote an elegant letter ending their relationship. She was avalanched with grief and guilt and sadness over her lost relationship, and even struggled with the belief that by leaving him SHE had perpetrated harm against him, but she was so good at asking the group for feedback and support, and we saw her improve each day. She became stronger, more confident, and convinced of the truth: "He deserved to be left!" Today she was happy and smiling, and said that she is finally happy--"I even have a male friend! i was never allowed to have just an innocent guy friend before, and this feels like freedom!"
Hillary--who has now given me permission to use her name and every share her story--graduated today. This is the 20-year-old patient whose suicide attempt one month ago today nearly ended her; in fact, she DID die and was revived by doctors. She has now gone for more than one month without self-injury, and last week she read and processed her story for the first time. When she started, she could not say the word "rape" and would wilt in tears and panic attacks as soon as the topic even came up. Now, she is hopeful to share her story with other women, and even to speak to her father's college class! She is so alive--eye contact, humor, wit, good boundaries, confident in her opinions, able to set limits with others, and more assured of her beliefs and feelings. NILY met her during Hillary's first week of treatment, and saw the same thing I saw: "Matt, she is so weak. It will take so much work. But there's a strong woman in there, because I recognize myself in her." Hillary had been in therapy for eight years before starting this program.
I have two new journals to share on DS now. LH wrote this "goodbye" letter to her abusers:
"You are no longer controlling my life. You will not make me feel like I deserve what you have done. I rebuke you in the name of God. I am whole again, not the slut you felt I was. I am someone's daughter who is loved. I am a mother who now knows how to set boundaries and I can tell you now that you are not a man, and no, strippers do not just want to have sex, but deserve respect and for their boundaries not to be crossed. I am saying goodbye to your terror that can no longer hold me prisoner. Goodbye, and remember if you try to cross me again I and my God will destroy you."
Hillary's letter to future survivors:
"All of your life you have remained silent until now. You will open up your voice. And maybe for the first time you will speak out against your worst fear. It's hard, I know. I've been there, maybe even in the same exact seat you're sitting in right now. As each day goes by and the work gets harder, just know that with each minute you get stronger. I would not be the woman I am today if i had not put my all into what was offered to me. I want you to hold your head high and I know with each step you are taking you are that much closer to becoming a survivor. You have it in you, girl! Dig deep into your soul and know you are not alone. Love always and survivor, Hillary."
Hillary also composed and recorded two songs that describe her struggle:
http://resurrectionafterrape.org/mp3/Hillary1.mp3
http://resurrectionafterrape.org/mp3/Hillary2.mp3
One woman, LH, graduated Wednesday. She has come so far, done so incredibly well. She had been habitually self-abusive with vicious sex, and had never even realized that her boundaries were harmful in that area. She realized that her need of male approval had cost her an entire inner life (she also worked as a stripper for two years), and she became more outspoken and confident right before out eyes, every day. When a peer went through the upheaval of leaving a bad relationship, LH was supportive at every step, normalizing the feelings of guilt and despair, and helping the other woman accept and even become proud of her choice to leave her partner. LH told new peers, "Matt will work his butt off for you and will give you all the tools you need, but he won't take the credit. He'll make you work for it--damned hard--and he will make sure you don't go through this alone." Wow, thanks!
Another patient who graduated today left an abuser a week ago, and wrote an elegant letter ending their relationship. She was avalanched with grief and guilt and sadness over her lost relationship, and even struggled with the belief that by leaving him SHE had perpetrated harm against him, but she was so good at asking the group for feedback and support, and we saw her improve each day. She became stronger, more confident, and convinced of the truth: "He deserved to be left!" Today she was happy and smiling, and said that she is finally happy--"I even have a male friend! i was never allowed to have just an innocent guy friend before, and this feels like freedom!"
Hillary--who has now given me permission to use her name and every share her story--graduated today. This is the 20-year-old patient whose suicide attempt one month ago today nearly ended her; in fact, she DID die and was revived by doctors. She has now gone for more than one month without self-injury, and last week she read and processed her story for the first time. When she started, she could not say the word "rape" and would wilt in tears and panic attacks as soon as the topic even came up. Now, she is hopeful to share her story with other women, and even to speak to her father's college class! She is so alive--eye contact, humor, wit, good boundaries, confident in her opinions, able to set limits with others, and more assured of her beliefs and feelings. NILY met her during Hillary's first week of treatment, and saw the same thing I saw: "Matt, she is so weak. It will take so much work. But there's a strong woman in there, because I recognize myself in her." Hillary had been in therapy for eight years before starting this program.
I have two new journals to share on DS now. LH wrote this "goodbye" letter to her abusers:
"You are no longer controlling my life. You will not make me feel like I deserve what you have done. I rebuke you in the name of God. I am whole again, not the slut you felt I was. I am someone's daughter who is loved. I am a mother who now knows how to set boundaries and I can tell you now that you are not a man, and no, strippers do not just want to have sex, but deserve respect and for their boundaries not to be crossed. I am saying goodbye to your terror that can no longer hold me prisoner. Goodbye, and remember if you try to cross me again I and my God will destroy you."
Hillary's letter to future survivors:
"All of your life you have remained silent until now. You will open up your voice. And maybe for the first time you will speak out against your worst fear. It's hard, I know. I've been there, maybe even in the same exact seat you're sitting in right now. As each day goes by and the work gets harder, just know that with each minute you get stronger. I would not be the woman I am today if i had not put my all into what was offered to me. I want you to hold your head high and I know with each step you are taking you are that much closer to becoming a survivor. You have it in you, girl! Dig deep into your soul and know you are not alone. Love always and survivor, Hillary."
Hillary also composed and recorded two songs that describe her struggle:
http://resurrectionafterrape.org/mp3/Hillary1.mp3
http://resurrectionafterrape.org/mp3/Hillary2.mp3
deleted_user
This is really very good news and I am so happy about it. Thank you for sharing with us.
EmpoweredOKC
Bump.
deleted_user
I have listened over and over to the music. I can't express how deeply moved I am by the songs. I am also deeply moved, and excited about the words about these women and their journey to healing. No one who hasn't witnessed, or worked their way through to a mountaintop moment can ever understand just how painful; how scary this fight is. So, when you share these stories Matt, when we get to experience the beautiful stories of success, it is so powerful. There is not enough good news, not in the world, and not here on DS. So, when there is triumph, it just moves me so very much. Thanks again for sharing, and thanks for making the music where I could access it.
deleted_user
Here there is hope.
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