Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
Next week will be the fourth and final training in Oklahoma through the OCADVSA state coalition. These have been wonderful events, even if they leave me exhausted (thus my rarer postings on DS). Frankly, these have been the first intensive training programs *ever* for Oklahoma therapists in treating rape trauma; until this month there were only 90-minute breakout sessions at annual conferences and such. So the opportunity to meet and personally training hundreds of mental health professionals from across the state has been amazing! I'd like to journal more of the details later, but a few things have come out of the trainings so far that might make for interesting discussions. Here are the topics and questions that seem to have the most interest for therapists, and wondered if they also have interest here:
*Is there a way to manage reactions to triggers, when the person isn't precisely aware of what the actual trigger even was in the first place?
*Are the techniques for recovery different with male survivors than female?
*Borderline personality disorder and complex PTSD - what's the current state of scholarship?
*Do early-life family/parenting dynamics have an effect on recovery in adulthood?
*When someone has done so much therapy that they know this stuff backwards and forward but still have pain about their trauma, what can they do?
*How can an idealistic student or new therapist become trained in rape trauma treatment skills? Currently there is NO mentorship program here, and NO specialists offering courses or individualized apprenticeship supervision specific to sexual trauma treatment. As a result, someone who is without a supervisor SPECIFIC to this topic is, well, out of luck as far as opportunities to learn these skills in depth. So how does the methodology get passed on? (I had a LOT of question s about this. There were even doctors of psychology who attended, even though they did not get credit, simply because they had never had an opportunity for in-depth personal training on treatment of rape trauma! If our PhD's are desperate for it, that should indicate that the field has a serious lack of mentorship/supervision opportunities)
*How do I know if my sexual behavior is just the result of "unusual" personal preference, or a reflection of trauma-based behavior?
*What is the difference between group and individual treatment for rape trauma?
*When should a therapist be strictly clinical and academic, and when should s/he instead be more personally empathetic, and even emotional, in counter-transference during therapy?
*How should a therapist handle times when s/he has made a blunder with a client, and wants to manage the issues but doesn't want to ruin their credibility as a competent professional with the client?
*How does a therapist respond to the client who is suspicious of the therapist's motives for being in this work? (example: "Are you doing this just for vicarious intrigue into our life pain?")
*How do patients perceive the rare moments when their painful life narratives bring up evident and tender emotions in the therapist? When a therapist displays truly empathetic emotion toward the client, how does it feel to the client?
These are the things that the attendees at these conferences are bringing up over and over. Sometimes I get the best questions in private during the breaks, especially when it is apparent that the questioner--in addition to being a mental health professional--is also a survivor, and is asking for personal reasons.
*Is there a way to manage reactions to triggers, when the person isn't precisely aware of what the actual trigger even was in the first place?
*Are the techniques for recovery different with male survivors than female?
*Borderline personality disorder and complex PTSD - what's the current state of scholarship?
*Do early-life family/parenting dynamics have an effect on recovery in adulthood?
*When someone has done so much therapy that they know this stuff backwards and forward but still have pain about their trauma, what can they do?
*How can an idealistic student or new therapist become trained in rape trauma treatment skills? Currently there is NO mentorship program here, and NO specialists offering courses or individualized apprenticeship supervision specific to sexual trauma treatment. As a result, someone who is without a supervisor SPECIFIC to this topic is, well, out of luck as far as opportunities to learn these skills in depth. So how does the methodology get passed on? (I had a LOT of question s about this. There were even doctors of psychology who attended, even though they did not get credit, simply because they had never had an opportunity for in-depth personal training on treatment of rape trauma! If our PhD's are desperate for it, that should indicate that the field has a serious lack of mentorship/supervision opportunities)
*How do I know if my sexual behavior is just the result of "unusual" personal preference, or a reflection of trauma-based behavior?
*What is the difference between group and individual treatment for rape trauma?
*When should a therapist be strictly clinical and academic, and when should s/he instead be more personally empathetic, and even emotional, in counter-transference during therapy?
*How should a therapist handle times when s/he has made a blunder with a client, and wants to manage the issues but doesn't want to ruin their credibility as a competent professional with the client?
*How does a therapist respond to the client who is suspicious of the therapist's motives for being in this work? (example: "Are you doing this just for vicarious intrigue into our life pain?")
*How do patients perceive the rare moments when their painful life narratives bring up evident and tender emotions in the therapist? When a therapist displays truly empathetic emotion toward the client, how does it feel to the client?
These are the things that the attendees at these conferences are bringing up over and over. Sometimes I get the best questions in private during the breaks, especially when it is apparent that the questioner--in addition to being a mental health professional--is also a survivor, and is asking for personal reasons.
I think that the social worker has good intentions and truly want to help their clients.
Am I a skeptic? I really think that I am just a realist.
So, again I say it takes a unique individual to step out and invest so much of themselves to truly helping the deeply wounded, not knowing what they might receive in return.
Yes, Matt you are a unique individual! I know that all too well! You are a blessing to me or should I say YOU ROCK! :)
Even with my present therapist, there have been moments when it seemed to me, more about the money, than my need. BUT, how much do I wear my heart on my sleeve?? I cannot be sure. I DO have issues, so, in light of that, I determined when I met this therapist, I would do everything in my power to be honest with him. There are things I have held back, sure! But, that isn't what I mean by honesty - it's included in the package, but, the honesty I mean is the kind where, if either of us makes a misstep, we discuss it. I don't sit there and dig a hole in the floor with my stare. I admit, right up front, this thing has upset me. If I don't...I am the one to suffer, because, HE is clueless. Like, when he took the tone of my father. I sat there and shrank into the chair. Until I realized he had no idea what was in my head, so, I told him. We discussed it, and we came to a clearer picture.
Just today I had an issue where I felt like he was gently attacking my resistance to removing a tree and some confederate jasmine that trigger me. I let him say what he wanted, and then I told him why it was a comfort for it to be there, and yes, that I planted it knowing it was a trigger, but, I demand to take that back as a thing I can have, a thing THEY cannot steal from me. I am sick to death of letting my past have precedence over my todays! So, I could have let him tell me what he thought, and went on to ignore it, or give in to it. I chose neither. I chose to tell him why I needed him to see my side. I used to sit out in our yard on a blanket, with a book...The Boxcar Children, and I escaped my parents and the ugliness of their relationship. It was kind of a real-time safe place. Why should I give up the single peaceful memory I have of my childhood, to them??? He understood. So, honesty between therapist and client is essential to a positive relationship, just like in ANY relationship.
At least, that is how it feels for me.
So in other words, I understand and accept the validity of clients' skepticism, and I also think the only antidote to it is mutual honesty; the therapist can't fix it on their own. This is tough and delicate work, and therapists can't be "Aunt Bea" softies, nor stoic taskmasters. When working with rape trauma, the need for interpersonal conneicton is SO vital that I just don't think recovery can happen without it. You can use a billion years' worth of "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" techniques, cutting-edge academic research, and endless workbooks, and *nothing* changes if there is not also the healthy bond that communicates to the client, "You matter, you are worth something, you deserve to be valued, and the loss of you would be grieved." And damn the therapist who won't give that cup of cool water to the parched victim.
Bravo for your last sentence Matt! Excellent way to describe it.
Bottom line for me is the counselling can only go as far as the counsellor is prepared to travel and the question for counsellors is how much are we prepared to risks of ourselves in order to be fully present for the individual do we dare to venture with the client to the centre of themselves if not why not what stops us, if it is our fear then we owe it to the client to address that. If we can't address it we need to know our limitations and be honest about them and base our decisions on what is more helpful for the client.
I will add counselling training starts with technique but develops in to self awareness and it is very difficult to achieve and continues way beyond the end of any course. It's tough and often painful learning as I know all to well. There is a fine line between challenging and fixing and sometimes it is the strength of the relationship that carries us through the difficulties that lay on the road ahead.
My answer is yes it does! I pondered this question for a few days. My childhood was not the most perfect one, but I know that there are far more worse. I wanted to be loved and it caused me a lot of heartache throughout the years. It still plays a role in who I am, although I am working on changing those parts of my personality that I do not want.
I lived with my aunt and uncle in my early twenties. I had never felt the love and caring that they showered me with. They would do anything to help me become a better person. They knew that I was depressed, which is why they asked me to come live with them. They asked everytime they came to visit. Finally, I did thanks to God!
My Aunt D gave me so much of herself! She got me started in college, went on a diet with me, taught me how to manage my money, took care of me, helped me with homework, etc. You name the best parenting skills and they had them. They were involved and cared about my life. We had such amazingly happy times. My Aunt and Uncle cared and it was shown, daily.
When I think about those few years and reflect back on the other years, I realize how a child should be loved and cared for. The things that happenned to me were before I lived with my Aunt and Uncle. I realize that I would have never gone through the horrible things, if I had parents like them.
So, I say yes! We have to look at all of the underlying problems that happenned before the rape/abuse to see how it might have played a part in it. Which, I believe takes longer to bring each of us to a healing place.
My answer is yes it does! I pondered this question for a few days. My childhood was not the most perfect one, but I know that there are far more worse. I wanted to be loved and it caused me a lot of heartache throughout the years. It still plays a role in who I am, although I am working on changing those parts of my personality that I do not want.
I lived with my aunt and uncle in my early twenties. I had never felt the love and caring that they showered me with. They would do anything to help me become a better person. They knew that I was depressed, which is why they asked me to come live with them. They asked everytime they came to visit. Finally, I did thanks to God!
My Aunt D gave me so much of herself! She got me started in college, went on a diet with me, taught me how to manage my money, took care of me, helped me with homework, etc. You name the best parenting skills and they had them. They were involved and cared about my life. We had such amazingly happy times. My Aunt and Uncle cared and it was shown, daily.
When I think about those few years and reflect back on the other years, I realize how a child should be loved and cared for. The things that happenned to me were before I lived with my Aunt and Uncle. I realize that I would have never gone through the horrible things, if I had parents like them.
So, I say yes! We have to look at all of the underlying problems that happenned before the rape/abuse to see how it might have played a part in it. Which, I believe takes longer to bring each of us to a healing place.
Everyone knows my dilemma, won't bore you with it here, but, could you post anything you can that helps shed some light on past experiences you might have had with triggers that give no warning of their impending attack...or, parhaps how to decipher a trigger from a jumbled up mess of emotions left in the wake of a flashback???