Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
First, I want to invite ALL the RAR people to share in these thoughts. I don't want those of us who attended the retreat to become the new RAR "clique" that leaves those who couldn't be here disheartened at not being part of the "in crowd" now. So I'd like to share my memories of the best times of this retreat, so that ALL of us can enjoy them.
This will take more than one post. I'll be adding a lot here.
Thank you all for accepting me. Thank you for not "Clamming up" and stopping the jokes when I pulled up my chair with you, and for initiating me as one of the circle. I may not be a "survivor" through the same initial experiences as you, but I guarantee that my heart is in this, and I know exactly what it's like to feel alone, misunderstood, and afraid. So even if it's not for the same reasons, it feels JUST as good to me to be welcomed, included, and loved as it did to any of you.
Thanks for showing respect to my friend, Bill. He means a lot to me, and we go back many years.
Thanks for seeing the people who were staying off to themselves and approaching them, welcoming them, and absorbing them fully into the circle.
Thanks for treating the grounds with respect. There was no litter, no harm of any type, caused to the grounds. I am a member of the church that owns that land, and it is holy ground--more so after this weekend, I think.
Thanks for treating my friend James with respect. He has a good heart and is eager to help us. Your patience and respect for our oldest and most precious ceremony was noticed, and James called me to say that he felt good about all of your work. He said that he sensed you were all well-prepared to really get something positive, and not just be curious tourists trying it out. James was impressed that you knew how to benefit from the ceremony, and that you used the time to pour out your hearts and then begin to heal again.
Thank you for taking care of yourselves and not magnifying your burdens, or judging others' lives, or going one-up on painful stories (yes, this actually happens in some groups). You were compassionate with those who had hard times, but I also sensed that every single one of you was focused on future peace, hope, and growth, and not on the past, past, past. That is a sign of a thriving survivor.
Thank you for welcoming in those who were new, who didn't have established DS histories.
Thank you for the humor. Thank you for it being a good mix of clean, positive fun and just enough bawdy "salt" to be lively without being crude or cutting anyone down.
Thank you for teasing me, which I not only loved but also saw as a sign that you really trusted that I wasn't going to get angry or offended. It told me that you sensed things were safe, and it was okay to bring me into your fun.
Thank you for no arguments, gossip, or tension of ANY kind.
Thank you for being certain to let me know exactly what this meant to you. It was very reassuring to be formally sat down by the group and TOLD what this meant, and your hopes about its future.
This will take more than one post. I'll be adding a lot here.
Thank you all for accepting me. Thank you for not "Clamming up" and stopping the jokes when I pulled up my chair with you, and for initiating me as one of the circle. I may not be a "survivor" through the same initial experiences as you, but I guarantee that my heart is in this, and I know exactly what it's like to feel alone, misunderstood, and afraid. So even if it's not for the same reasons, it feels JUST as good to me to be welcomed, included, and loved as it did to any of you.
Thanks for showing respect to my friend, Bill. He means a lot to me, and we go back many years.
Thanks for seeing the people who were staying off to themselves and approaching them, welcoming them, and absorbing them fully into the circle.
Thanks for treating the grounds with respect. There was no litter, no harm of any type, caused to the grounds. I am a member of the church that owns that land, and it is holy ground--more so after this weekend, I think.
Thanks for treating my friend James with respect. He has a good heart and is eager to help us. Your patience and respect for our oldest and most precious ceremony was noticed, and James called me to say that he felt good about all of your work. He said that he sensed you were all well-prepared to really get something positive, and not just be curious tourists trying it out. James was impressed that you knew how to benefit from the ceremony, and that you used the time to pour out your hearts and then begin to heal again.
Thank you for taking care of yourselves and not magnifying your burdens, or judging others' lives, or going one-up on painful stories (yes, this actually happens in some groups). You were compassionate with those who had hard times, but I also sensed that every single one of you was focused on future peace, hope, and growth, and not on the past, past, past. That is a sign of a thriving survivor.
Thank you for welcoming in those who were new, who didn't have established DS histories.
Thank you for the humor. Thank you for it being a good mix of clean, positive fun and just enough bawdy "salt" to be lively without being crude or cutting anyone down.
Thank you for teasing me, which I not only loved but also saw as a sign that you really trusted that I wasn't going to get angry or offended. It told me that you sensed things were safe, and it was okay to bring me into your fun.
Thank you for no arguments, gossip, or tension of ANY kind.
Thank you for being certain to let me know exactly what this meant to you. It was very reassuring to be formally sat down by the group and TOLD what this meant, and your hopes about its future.
I really think this years retreat, being the first for some, will contain that same element of perfection for you (minus the missed flights:) In spite of your worries, and fears that are totally understood and experienced by everyone of us at the very first retreat....you will find a weekend FULL of understanding, acceptance, fun, laughter and above all NORMALCY.
I remember standing in line for dinner the first night of the first retreat and Matt leaning over to Tonya and saying softly..'they came, people actually came' (ok, I admit my very first thought was 'WTF?!, WHY didn't he think people would come??") but then I figured 'here's a guy who started off with an idea and now the idea has come to life". So if you decided to come for the first time or whether or not to come this year or not, acknowledge those first thoughts (fears) and when you get there your awe (the awe I think we all felt that first year) about just being at the weekend will sweep you off your feet!
Thanks for bumping these up Leitha! I can't believe how vivid my memory is of that first weekend! From the first other survivor that I knowingly set eyes on, Stephanie, then Brandy... to landing in OKC and riding the escalator down and spotting Laura and Leitha right off the bat! (the matching t-shirts helped alot!) Those are really unforgettable moments
It's posts like this where I wonder just how many people can claim that they have met nearly as many friends as we have, that connect like we do? We may not have always been lucky is who've we've encountered in our lives, but we are certainly lucky to have found each other.
When I met him, he was approximately 10 feet tall, with a long braid down his back. He had the amazing ability to make himself smaller and less scary. I don't know how he does it. He also totally gets PTSD and manages never to startle anyone.
One of many things that blew me away about the retreat: I never worried about where to sit. I could sit anywhere. That's huge for me.
Just meeting Matt, Bill Miller and James...it was oh so healing to be around men like that.