It's really something amazing isn't it? We have known all along that we are not alone...that others are out there, but to see their emails pouring in in this fashion is just so wonderful. That sounds a bit odd...I do not find it wonderful in any way that they were also hurt. But that this is allowing people to open up, to speak out, and to ACT! It's just really an amazing thing and I am just so overwhelmed with happiness. FINALLY, finally, I feel that a day has come that the really important work of change can begin. Begin mind you...there is a long way to go...but it is a Start and that is wonderful!

Shannon, you put a beautiful face on a horrific crime, and people noticed. Matt, you make it possible for all of this, the book, the TV, the speech...all of that is from your dedication and selflessness.

I am so proud of you both, and for you. I am proud for us all.

wow, thank you, a truly inspiring post,
i am so proud of you both and what you are doing for 'us' all.
*cry*, so overwhelming.
THANK YOU.
XXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOO
((((SQUEEZY HUGS))))

I didn't put a face to this crime. I would hope you would see it as a face of resurrection. One of many, forever proud ... (c) ? Forgive me but I do not see that as a compliment, or even a good thing for anyone. If you pulled that away from all of this, I have not done what I was trying to do. There doesn't need to be a face to this crime, but rather a STAMPEDE of faces, each beautiful in that they are survivors!! I was just a voice, and I am so thankful for all of this amazing encouragment you guys have given me. We have only just begun, not even that, just joined in on a movement that has been going on for decades, geeze, I am blabbering now. Thank you all. I love you guys so much...

Sorry.

I am sorry that I touched a nerve. I had meant to be supportive, but instead, I offended you. I am so sorry if this takes anything away from what you have done here.

And I meant absoultely no disrespect, to anyone.

I have said too much, used my words again, speaking from the heart, and sometimes, silent admiration is probably best. I am sorry I offended you.

No nerves were touched, I am absolutely fine. I just share my feelings as we all do here. I am not offended, so no need to worry

I have received several messages about the posts #16 and the response #18 from above. Based on the concern other's have shared with me, let me say, I was 'stung' by, but not destroyed by the reply. I intended, in that one sentence, to applaud the effort, the grace, and the willingness shown in "going public". That sentence instigated a few in ?defense.

We have each come to this place out of horrific circumstances. No one's experience should be cause for comparison, or comment, except that we uplift and encourage.

Likewise, we each have some issues that are not apparent in us just because we were raped. Our truths are different, our feelings and pains we have, or are working through are different. Rape is rape, but our circumstance is not the same. Our reasons for self-blame, or deep shame, we don't all bear equally.

The "audience" to which you speak may be from the heart of one resurrected, but resurrected from what? A crime. My words landed as a link to the negative, as opposed to your desire to share the positive aspects of your truth. That is where my apology is born. I am not apologizing for the comment itself, because it was heartfelt and held absolutely no anamosity.

I can SAY rape all day long, and it is just a word. I can read about rape to a cassette recorder, and it is just a tape about rape, a crime. When I said you had 'put a beautiful face on a horrific crime' what I should have said was, "Your willingness to take your story public allows the listeners to SEE a beautiful person who has a personal experience with the horrific crime of rape". You may WANT resurrection to be all they see, but to get there, you first had to be the victim. MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN YOUR AUDIENCE WILL RELATE TO THE VICTIM FIRST as they are not yet survivors.

Going public isn't just about the face and the crime, nor the title we choose to claim. It is about connecting with the audience, being one of them...so they know we understand..., and telling our truth.

Shay, it sounds like you are defending your resurrection. I can't doubt that title for you. I would never try. But, as a victim/survivor, [because right now, I am both], I need to say you read that sentence and focused on the only negative to be found...crime vs resurrection.

I meant to say a kind and uplifting thing. Only a kind and uplifting thing.

Those who have commented to me, have done so out of concern for me having been hurt emotionally. I admit, my intent being misconstrued left me stung, but only stung...and past tense. I believe no harm was meant here at all.

We cannot always 'say' things with the full meaning of what we desire. The screen is flat, the words, though we try with markings of all kinds; they have no inflection...no life, but the life given when read and received. I meant no harm and that was apparent to all who responded, and I thank you. But, the feeling expressed by Shay was valid as well. Her place to wish to stand IS resurrected. Her desire her face be associated with that resurrection, and not the crime, I understand.

My crime was almost as long ago as twice Shay's age. I failed to receive therapy or help until PTSD created only one open door for me. We are all on the path here, all of us. I meant no harm, and neither did my friend Shay. She and I have 'talked', and we are okay....we are both okay.

I was never not okay... really. There is no need to CAPITALIZE letters like I need to pay EXTRA attention. What I meant by responding at all the first time, was I am not the face to the crime, I am not worried about being associated with it however. It doesn't offend me that you associated me with the crime. I was making a point that I will not be a face on a poster with bold letters RAPE. That is just not the point. I was trying to reach women of all ages who might be struggling with living day to day just as I do. So that was the intention and the end! I just get very touchy when it comes to my looks, I do not like somebody saying I looked beautiful or ANYTHING like that. I want the subject to not be the face, but the words, and the heart and soul that is in them.

I don't think she was talking about your physical beauty -- I think she was talking about a beautiful person within who has fought her way out.

I'm glad you two are talking it over and resolving it, whatever it was.

I can see the middle ground, though. Yes, it's nice to have a charismatic person to represent us--and while it's unfortunate that society does engage in the "halo effect" (that is, reading in all sorts of subjective assumptions about a person based on one or two leading traits), it is also positive that a person who becomes an advocate doesn't seem fragile, broken apart, weary, or easily bowled over. A person with youthful vigor and thoughtful words does represent some of the positive traits of ALL of our community, and it has little to do with looks.

I also see that when it comes to the issue of rape, the appearance of the victim is so often the focus of scrutiny. In this way, being seen as a pretty face becomes a liability against women (and paradoxically, in court an attractive male defendant has an advantage--"he's good looking! He'd never have to rape anyone!"). This isn't about a literal face being the face of anything; it's about a collective expression of values, beliefs, and strengths. One person at a time may be expressing those values by being the individual in an interview, but those values are collective, tribal, nonetheless. I happen to immensely dislike my own looks, and found it distracting to see myself while hearing my words. I'm not sensitive about it, and I accept myself, but the voices from the past ("weird kid! ugly! etc.") made their mark. I don't have a dysmorphic view of myself, but I can completely understand the issue of "face" when it comes to this issue.

I think we need to take control of this issue and demand new phrases and vocabulary: instead of any of us putting a "face" to "this issue," we should demand the right to put a voice to these strengths. None of us can speak for all of the others, but the good news is that each of us, at our best, can represent the entire community of survivors at its collective, existential strongest.

Since we each individually have our flaws, we step on the wrong toes, we occasionally let one another down, and we get abrupt during difficult days or weeks, no individual ought to be appointed as the representation of any issue, the therapy for that issue, or the image of what a survivor looks like. But collectively, we make an awesome team.

None of us is perfect, and I'm even having some scuffles with friends who feel hurt by individual actions and attitudes of mine at this very moment, but that doesn't mean they, or I, or our group, is weakened. On the contrary, I find myself being extremely proud of the collage of ability that we all comprise.

Collage of ability....I like that....I also like 'putting a voice to our strengths'....much food for thought!

Well said.

A little off topic -- could someone tell me where the reference to us as a "tribe" keeps coming from?
I think I missed something...

just wondered.

It was from a journal I wrote a long time ago. I was struggling with defining my place in this community. Many people here have assumed I may not be an actual "survivor" because I have so carefully and deliberately guarded a lot of my life story, with the conclusion that I'm just tangentially or flimsily connected to this issue. My very fierce withholding of some personal details, and my being a male, are to major impediments to full position in this circle of (amazing) women. Only two members here have even come close to hearing my story revealed, and it was only as recently as two night ago and it was still cloaked in very vague, self-protective language. One does not have to put one's pain and scars on display to be initiated here; we simply have to covenant to uplift the collective voice (the "collage of ability").

In the ensuing discussion, Mockingbird made the brilliant point that we are not a gang, not an elite club that is defined by a common wound or gender. One does not "become" a survivor simply by passing through the same torture chambers of life. Heckle added to this theory that being a survivor is not a badge or label, and not even like a family/bloodline one is born into, but "like a tribe we join when we are ready." This isn't a sorority, a club, or a denomination one subscribes to and earns through public disclosure of a wound. It's a far-reaching, interwoven bond of people--including men and women--who are related by our collective support of collective strengths, rights, and values. A tribe.

There are no chiefs in this tribe. There are no servants in this tribe. There is the circle of common worth. And like any tribe, we are diverse in our functions, our methods of contribution, the paths that led us here, and even the personalities we bring. At times, there will be tension. At times, there will be celebration. But the foremost agenda of liberation and joy are never, never, never compromised.

DS can be tough on all of us at times. We clash, we wrestle, we scold, we inspire, we apologize, we laugh, we love, we complain, we lose, we win, and we learn from all of it. But as long as that tribal goal never succumbs to these other distractions, we are a very strong people.

Gakina Awiiya - We Are All Related.

thank you. it's a nice way to look at it.