Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
Hi, I've been away for a while but before I went I seem to remember there was some discussion going on about rape fantasies, I know it is something that I have felt very guilty about, particularly when these thoughts occur post being attacked (feel quite ashamed even writing that).
Then yesterday I came across an article in a UK magazine that I thought was really interesting it was discussing amoungst other things rape fantasies it said that according to the 'British Sexual Fantasy Reasearch project' A 1/4 of men and 1/3 of women have had erotic fantasies about rape, either being violated or being the attacker. It also had comments from a women who had been raped who had ongoing rape fantasies she described it as being a way of getting control over something that she had no control over. In fact rape fantasies in general are often viewed as being about control in some form.
I found the article quite interesting but it was the following comments that really made me think
'The phrase rape fantasy is inaccurate - if it's something you want, how can it be rape?'
'...But of course she is choosing to do them (in a rape fantasy) which means she's in control and most importantly she can stop them whenever she wants'
I hope these comments make sense out of context but it felt like a bit of a light bulb moment for me because of course if you are fantasing about a rape senario whatever is played out in your head (even if based on a real rape experience) isn't actually a rape fantasy because you are in control of what happens and can make it stop whenever you want which is really the complete opposite of rape. So maybe we should give these fantasies a different name to stop any confusion? I'm not sure what though
Anyway I hope that made some sense, its given me some food for thought anyway,
Then yesterday I came across an article in a UK magazine that I thought was really interesting it was discussing amoungst other things rape fantasies it said that according to the 'British Sexual Fantasy Reasearch project' A 1/4 of men and 1/3 of women have had erotic fantasies about rape, either being violated or being the attacker. It also had comments from a women who had been raped who had ongoing rape fantasies she described it as being a way of getting control over something that she had no control over. In fact rape fantasies in general are often viewed as being about control in some form.
I found the article quite interesting but it was the following comments that really made me think
'The phrase rape fantasy is inaccurate - if it's something you want, how can it be rape?'
'...But of course she is choosing to do them (in a rape fantasy) which means she's in control and most importantly she can stop them whenever she wants'
I hope these comments make sense out of context but it felt like a bit of a light bulb moment for me because of course if you are fantasing about a rape senario whatever is played out in your head (even if based on a real rape experience) isn't actually a rape fantasy because you are in control of what happens and can make it stop whenever you want which is really the complete opposite of rape. So maybe we should give these fantasies a different name to stop any confusion? I'm not sure what though
Anyway I hope that made some sense, its given me some food for thought anyway,
But I also happen to think that currently there *is* a lot of misogyny within the bdsm scene, even if I still don't think it has to be that way. So even if the fantasy in itself might be OK, I do have concerns about the way some people try to act their fantasies out, if that makes sense.
Unfortunately, lazy and misinformed academic constructs of what rape is cause researchers to misidentify these types of sexual experimentation with rape. When researchers identify rape based on media mythologies, they are prone to making judgment errors such as these. I am an ideological proponent of healthy, adult consenting couples enjoying the bounty of possible sexual enjoyments, within the parameters of safety, and so I share your disappointment with these kinds of misleading studies.
I have noticed that sometimes my fantasies will change depending on what else is going on in my life, how I'm feeling about life generally ................................... more like a 'waking dream' than a consciously-chosen fantasy.