Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
I am announcing the start of the long-awaited "Letters to Survivors" project! Details below.
I am asking people to write a letter that describes some aspect of their own personal journey toward healing, and what insights they have gathered on the way that they would like to pass on to those recently harmed. I am *not* asking people to describe their traumas, only their discoveries, insights, and hopes. This is not a request for people to share their pain; far from it, I'd like people to share their hopefulness and advice.
Nor am I asking people to "go public." A letter to fellow survivors can be written anonymously, or with a pen name. If you like the idea but feel unqualified--"I'm not 'good enough' to have anything worthy to say"--then YOU are exactly who I'm seeking. See, I want new survivors to know that healing does not come from perfection, that there are role models out there who aren't above and beyond them, and that struggling with doubts, setbacks, and hardships are normal, not signs of failure. PLEASE consider sharing such knowledge with others!
The purpose of this will be to assist the newly-harmed (or perhaps those who have struggled for years and are just now searching for answers) in seeing that recovery does not have to be lonesome, that others are making this journey as well. I would like to collect these into a small gift book that can be an inspiration for victims (have you noticed there are NO books of inspiration for victims of sexual violence?). The whole gist of it is this: If you could share with someone the things you know now (and wish someone had ever told you when you first started), what would you say? Letters can be poetic, funny, poignant, inspirational, advice-based, whatever. Just be honest that healing is suffused with both pain and hope; loss and gain; sadness and joy.
Now for the good part: all submissions that arrive during the next month will be typed into an anonymous form and given the opportunity to be awarded honors by my colleagues and peers. The top honor will receive $500, and four runners-up will receive $100 each!
To contribute, please simply compose a letter (any length is fine; I have letters from one to five pages). It is okay to type and print a letter, BUT I have a special fondness for hand-written pen-and-ink letters (because they can be printed to show the "humanness" of the writer, a real person personally writing to YOU, the reader, like in the back pages of RAR). You may sign the letter with the name of your choice, and actual authorship will be known only to me. Contributions may come from female OR male survivors.
Send letters to:
Letters to Survivors Project, c/o Matt
Oklahoma Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
(*or OCADVSA is you prefer)
3815 N. Santa Fe Ave. Suite 124
Oklahoma City, OK 73118
Disclaimer: submitting is not a guarantee of inclusion; selection will depend on available space, content, and variety of entries. By submitting to this project, you grant the right for the letter, if chosen, to be published. The chance of award of $900 divided among selected contributors will be considered the compensation to the applicants. Some submissions might be edited for spelling or content.
I am asking people to write a letter that describes some aspect of their own personal journey toward healing, and what insights they have gathered on the way that they would like to pass on to those recently harmed. I am *not* asking people to describe their traumas, only their discoveries, insights, and hopes. This is not a request for people to share their pain; far from it, I'd like people to share their hopefulness and advice.
Nor am I asking people to "go public." A letter to fellow survivors can be written anonymously, or with a pen name. If you like the idea but feel unqualified--"I'm not 'good enough' to have anything worthy to say"--then YOU are exactly who I'm seeking. See, I want new survivors to know that healing does not come from perfection, that there are role models out there who aren't above and beyond them, and that struggling with doubts, setbacks, and hardships are normal, not signs of failure. PLEASE consider sharing such knowledge with others!
The purpose of this will be to assist the newly-harmed (or perhaps those who have struggled for years and are just now searching for answers) in seeing that recovery does not have to be lonesome, that others are making this journey as well. I would like to collect these into a small gift book that can be an inspiration for victims (have you noticed there are NO books of inspiration for victims of sexual violence?). The whole gist of it is this: If you could share with someone the things you know now (and wish someone had ever told you when you first started), what would you say? Letters can be poetic, funny, poignant, inspirational, advice-based, whatever. Just be honest that healing is suffused with both pain and hope; loss and gain; sadness and joy.
Now for the good part: all submissions that arrive during the next month will be typed into an anonymous form and given the opportunity to be awarded honors by my colleagues and peers. The top honor will receive $500, and four runners-up will receive $100 each!
To contribute, please simply compose a letter (any length is fine; I have letters from one to five pages). It is okay to type and print a letter, BUT I have a special fondness for hand-written pen-and-ink letters (because they can be printed to show the "humanness" of the writer, a real person personally writing to YOU, the reader, like in the back pages of RAR). You may sign the letter with the name of your choice, and actual authorship will be known only to me. Contributions may come from female OR male survivors.
Send letters to:
Letters to Survivors Project, c/o Matt
Oklahoma Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
(*or OCADVSA if you prefer)
3815 N. Santa Fe Ave. Suite 124
Oklahoma City, OK 73118
Disclaimer: submitting is not a guarantee of inclusion; selection will depend on available space, content, and variety of entries. By submitting to this project, you grant the right for the letter, if chosen, to be published. The chance of award of $900 divided among selected contributors will be considered the compensation to the applicants. Some submissions might be edited for spelling or content.
I find that people are far more intimidated by the prospect of writing a "letter to future survivors" than they need to be. One fear comes from the belief that a letter has to somehow be perfect, say "just the right thing," holding the wise solution for another person's trauma. Not so at all. Honesty is more encouraging than platitudes. For example, one of the most inspirational things I ever heard one survivor say to a newcomer was, "this will be the most difficult thing you've ever done. You will cry, you will slip up, you will struggle. and it will be SO worth it!" People need to know the truth about healing. Words of spiritual kindness and support are also helpful, whereas preaching a personal religious dogma isn't.
This also means that simplistic "atta-girl" support won't sink in very far. A true letter of support acknowledges the reality of this work, so "it's all going to be okay" would not be a form of authentic encouragement. However, tips and suggestions for coping with hard issues (triggers, cutting urges, relationships, unsupportive others, etc.) WILL be useful, and readers will be grateful for it. What books helped you? What music helped you? What should a new survivor avoid? What are some of the things people have said that you found especially meaningful and insightful that you'd like to pass on to "survivor posterity"?
My goal is 20 submissions. If the RAR fellowship has been helpful in some way to you, I'm asking you to reciprocate by passing along help and hope to others, and in turn helping me succeed at a very precious, special project. :)
By the way, you can even use humor in these letters. Don't think that levity means you're not taking the topic seriously; how often do WE tease and laugh on here? In other words, letter don't have to sound like the words of a wise zen master. It's best if they just sound like one human being sharing with another.
1) I have to say just the right thing;
2) I'm not sure I'm worthy to do this yet.
As it turns out, being honest about personal insecurity is actually very COMFORTING to other survivors, because it normalizes their own anxieties. Nobody can stand someone who's perfect.