Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
My male friend is living with a roommate who is unstable and has access to a firearm. I worry about my friend's safety and after talking with my husband I offered our home to my friend as an escape of sorts should he need to leave his current apartment.
A list of parameters were sent to him via email and he replied back with this one simple phrase " I haven't had a sex change I'm still male".
I wrote back asking him what that response had to do with anything but in the mean time my mind went down a road that I hadn't planned on it going.
I saw the word male and my mind went to a potential threat to my safety.
He ended up writing back to explain that what he meant by being male was in reference to one of the expectations about cleaning up after himself should he come stay with us.
When I saw his explanation it made me realize that a guy making mess in the kitchen and not cleaning up afterwards was the last thing on my mind and that maybe I am more distressed about things than I let myself believe.
A list of parameters were sent to him via email and he replied back with this one simple phrase " I haven't had a sex change I'm still male".
I wrote back asking him what that response had to do with anything but in the mean time my mind went down a road that I hadn't planned on it going.
I saw the word male and my mind went to a potential threat to my safety.
He ended up writing back to explain that what he meant by being male was in reference to one of the expectations about cleaning up after himself should he come stay with us.
When I saw his explanation it made me realize that a guy making mess in the kitchen and not cleaning up afterwards was the last thing on my mind and that maybe I am more distressed about things than I let myself believe.
Perhaps a deeper question to explore is "what does healed mean to me? is it a 'there' and if so, how would I know when I am 'there'? If not, what is it? What are the thoughts, feelings, behaviors, attitudes I expect myself to hve when I am ;healed?"
At first I thought what I wrote from the workbook about the switch from victim to survivor would fit but I decided to write something anyway with What does healed look like? as the prompt. The essence of what came forth was pretty much the same:
1) Can say that I was raped (out loud to others) without wanting to hide, cry, or get angry.
2) I wouldn't feel like my competence was in question if someone found out.
3) I could drive around certain parts of town without the high level of anxiety to the point where I don't feel present in my body anymore and all I can do is cry and scream.
4) Images of him and things that happened wouldn't be fairly consitent background noise in my head each day.
5) I won't be in pain or feel overwhelmed by a pap smear.
6) I won't jump at unexpected noises or movements.
7) I will actually want to have sex and actually like how it feels.
8) I will be aware of the potential for danger without avoiding life outside the house.
9) I will be able to work in the field I was trained to work in without feeling like a fraud.
10) I will trust more
11) i will have less fear
12) I will feel capable
13) I can dress more like a girl again if I want to.
14) I'll stop blaming myself for what happened.
15) I'll have it be a part of my past but not take over who I am.
16) I can handle the thought of seeing him without if making me anxious.
17) I will feel safer
18) I'll stop looking for someone else to make things better