Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
My male friend is living with a roommate who is unstable and has access to a firearm. I worry about my friend's safety and after talking with my husband I offered our home to my friend as an escape of sorts should he need to leave his current apartment.
A list of parameters were sent to him via email and he replied back with this one simple phrase " I haven't had a sex change I'm still male".
I wrote back asking him what that response had to do with anything but in the mean time my mind went down a road that I hadn't planned on it going.
I saw the word male and my mind went to a potential threat to my safety.
He ended up writing back to explain that what he meant by being male was in reference to one of the expectations about cleaning up after himself should he come stay with us.
When I saw his explanation it made me realize that a guy making mess in the kitchen and not cleaning up afterwards was the last thing on my mind and that maybe I am more distressed about things than I let myself believe.
A list of parameters were sent to him via email and he replied back with this one simple phrase " I haven't had a sex change I'm still male".
I wrote back asking him what that response had to do with anything but in the mean time my mind went down a road that I hadn't planned on it going.
I saw the word male and my mind went to a potential threat to my safety.
He ended up writing back to explain that what he meant by being male was in reference to one of the expectations about cleaning up after himself should he come stay with us.
When I saw his explanation it made me realize that a guy making mess in the kitchen and not cleaning up afterwards was the last thing on my mind and that maybe I am more distressed about things than I let myself believe.
You realized that entangled would mean being with an abusive and or controlling person and very detrimental and damaging don't you. So are you saying that you are a potentially abusive and dangerous person to be involved with??
Catroot if you had asked the question "So are you saying that you are a potentially abusive and dangerous person to be involved with??" Do you think think you would have gotten an answer in agreement or do you think he would have downplayed it saying that isn't what he meant?
If you are asking how I'm feeling regarding what I projected on to someone being male. I don't know as much as changed other than I'm aware of other possibilities now.
My distress wasn't so much that I had the thought of male = danger but what the thought meant and to me it meant I'm not as "healed" as I thought I was. And yes, seeing potential for danger doesn't mean I'm saying all men are rapists. I can accept that all men aren't but sometimes it's not always easy to know who will cross that line and who won't.
Perhaps a deeper question to explore is "what does healed mean to me"?
Perhaps a deeper question to explore is "what does healed mean to me? is it a 'there' and if so, how would I know when I am 'there'? what are the thoughts, feelings, behaviors, attitudes I expect myself to feel when I am ;healed'?"
Perhaps a deeper question to explore is "what does healed mean to me? is it a 'there' and if so, how would I know when I am 'there'? If not, what is it? What are the thoughts, feelings, behaviors, attitudes I expect myself to feel when I am ;healed'?"