Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
I was supposed to meet with my new therapist today (it was originally supposed to happen last week but I was sick with a fever and stayed home). So we scheduled for today.
I start off by waiting in the wrong waiting room. Apparently there is an upstairs and a downstairs and she is upstairs but I didn't know that so I'm waiting in the downstairs waiting room (no office staff, a building with doors, as everyone works for themselves). She calls my phone wondering why I"m not there. I tell her I am and she says - oh you must be downstairs - I explained that I didn't know there was an upstairs (or if she told me I completely spaced on it) So I find the stairs which were down a hallway and go up.
She said I had to do my paperwork. I told her I knew that and wondered if it would be ok to do the paperwork in her office instead of the waiting room since in theory my session time had started (I had initially been there early to fill out the paper work but was in the wrong waiting room and didn't see any forms for me to fill out) I also figured that doing the paperwork in there would give me time to acclimated to the room and settle in. I didn't tell her that but it was what I was thinking. She says - I guess - followed by you will need to take your boots off.
I looked at her and said that was the one question I didn't ask when I talked to her on the phone and probably should have. She asked me if it would be a problem. I was on the verge of tears and told her yes that had I known I would have brought other shoes with me. She then says she doesn't want her carpet to get messed up and asks me if I could find someone else to work with. I asked her if she means find someone else to work with for therapy and she said yes. I said I guess I could and left the building crying. I called my ride to pick me up.
I know that she has just as much of a right to have her therapy room not have a dirty carpet but I would sort of think that working with someone who explained they were dealing with fear in general and rape in particular would sort of maybe be willing to have me work up to taking the boots off at some point.
That whole experience made me feel so stupid. I guess it's really easy for people to just take their shoes off and I"m the freak who doesn't want to and lost her chance at a therapist because of it.
My husband says that if she was so stressed about my shoes she probably wouldn't be much help anyway.
Guess in addition to asking about dogs and scents I have to ask about shoes and I"m not sure what else I"m gonna need on that least now.
Although it might have been nice if she gave me a heads up when we set the appointment that I would need to take my boots off.
Guess it's back to the search for a Therapist or I just drown myself in work because I've noticed that when I'm totally thrown into my work I don't' think about anything else. Not a long term solution but sort of like what someone once told me about their experiencing smoking pot -- the problems are still there you just don't care about them anymore. When I'm doing my work, I can be so focused I don't realize the world is around me. Which sometimes means I put off eating which is bad but anyway. Enough going off on tangents.
If you read this, thanks.
I start off by waiting in the wrong waiting room. Apparently there is an upstairs and a downstairs and she is upstairs but I didn't know that so I'm waiting in the downstairs waiting room (no office staff, a building with doors, as everyone works for themselves). She calls my phone wondering why I"m not there. I tell her I am and she says - oh you must be downstairs - I explained that I didn't know there was an upstairs (or if she told me I completely spaced on it) So I find the stairs which were down a hallway and go up.
She said I had to do my paperwork. I told her I knew that and wondered if it would be ok to do the paperwork in her office instead of the waiting room since in theory my session time had started (I had initially been there early to fill out the paper work but was in the wrong waiting room and didn't see any forms for me to fill out) I also figured that doing the paperwork in there would give me time to acclimated to the room and settle in. I didn't tell her that but it was what I was thinking. She says - I guess - followed by you will need to take your boots off.
I looked at her and said that was the one question I didn't ask when I talked to her on the phone and probably should have. She asked me if it would be a problem. I was on the verge of tears and told her yes that had I known I would have brought other shoes with me. She then says she doesn't want her carpet to get messed up and asks me if I could find someone else to work with. I asked her if she means find someone else to work with for therapy and she said yes. I said I guess I could and left the building crying. I called my ride to pick me up.
I know that she has just as much of a right to have her therapy room not have a dirty carpet but I would sort of think that working with someone who explained they were dealing with fear in general and rape in particular would sort of maybe be willing to have me work up to taking the boots off at some point.
That whole experience made me feel so stupid. I guess it's really easy for people to just take their shoes off and I"m the freak who doesn't want to and lost her chance at a therapist because of it.
My husband says that if she was so stressed about my shoes she probably wouldn't be much help anyway.
Guess in addition to asking about dogs and scents I have to ask about shoes and I"m not sure what else I"m gonna need on that least now.
Although it might have been nice if she gave me a heads up when we set the appointment that I would need to take my boots off.
Guess it's back to the search for a Therapist or I just drown myself in work because I've noticed that when I'm totally thrown into my work I don't' think about anything else. Not a long term solution but sort of like what someone once told me about their experiencing smoking pot -- the problems are still there you just don't care about them anymore. When I'm doing my work, I can be so focused I don't realize the world is around me. Which sometimes means I put off eating which is bad but anyway. Enough going off on tangents.
If you read this, thanks.
What IS strange is the combination of (a) having such an issue with shoes/carpet that she would turn down a potential client because of it (b) putting the burden of strangeness on you and not herself because of it.
Even therapists can have OCD or other issues. They can still be good therapists. BUT that's only if they are in touch enough with themselves to recognize their own issues and see them as "this is what I capable of - it is not about you".
In my opinion, It is OK to have issues and even ask for accommodation IF we own them as our own - and therapists need to be modelling that by their own behavior if they themselves have issues or limitations they need to work within.
What is NOT ok in my opinion is to put the burden of our issues on to others in a way that makes them the bad guy if they don't accommodate them whenever we demand it.