Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
I am starting a new course in September and in my chest of drawers I have 3 drawers full of paper and such stuff. One is my study drawer, one is my important stuff drawer and one is my memory drawer. I decided to sort through my study drawer so that when I started my course in september I could have a fresh start so anyway I have spent a few hours today sorting through my drawers (although on the surface my room looks slightly more chaotic then when I started!).
As I was going through my stuff I came across a few bits and pieces that are 'rape memories' for want of a better word. I decided that I don't want to keep this stuff in my memory drawer (and other places) any more where they can just jump out at me so I decided to put it all in my journal that I use for processing and recording rape related stuff. Now this is a beautiful journal and what I love about it is that it has lots of little compartments that you can put stuff in so heres what I put in it today:
1. My appointment card for my first appointment with my counsellor at the rape crisis centre
2. A very depressing poem that I wrote (I had some others but I threw these away)
3. 3 photos taken of me over the nights it happened
4. scraps of fabrics from the clothes I wore that night
I still own all the clothes I wore those nights, I have been reluctant to throw them away for some reason and actually the fact that I can remember exactly what I wore reveals another bit of self blame that I hadn't given much thought to.
The first night I wore a see through top. I had worn this top before the holiday (when I was attacked) but always with a vest underneath. This night I was wearing it with just a bikini top on underneath.
The next night I wore a strappy short white dress and I know for me this dress was a bit risky. I didn't wear dresses much, I always feel on display when wearing dresses but I wanted to look nice, I wanted people to look at me.
Anyway so today I found all of these clothes and I cut a bit of the fabric from each and put it in my journal and then I am going to throw the rest away.
So there you have it all of this stuff is safely in the same place now and I can choose to look at it or I can choose not to and that makes me feel better!
As I was going through my stuff I came across a few bits and pieces that are 'rape memories' for want of a better word. I decided that I don't want to keep this stuff in my memory drawer (and other places) any more where they can just jump out at me so I decided to put it all in my journal that I use for processing and recording rape related stuff. Now this is a beautiful journal and what I love about it is that it has lots of little compartments that you can put stuff in so heres what I put in it today:
1. My appointment card for my first appointment with my counsellor at the rape crisis centre
2. A very depressing poem that I wrote (I had some others but I threw these away)
3. 3 photos taken of me over the nights it happened
4. scraps of fabrics from the clothes I wore that night
I still own all the clothes I wore those nights, I have been reluctant to throw them away for some reason and actually the fact that I can remember exactly what I wore reveals another bit of self blame that I hadn't given much thought to.
The first night I wore a see through top. I had worn this top before the holiday (when I was attacked) but always with a vest underneath. This night I was wearing it with just a bikini top on underneath.
The next night I wore a strappy short white dress and I know for me this dress was a bit risky. I didn't wear dresses much, I always feel on display when wearing dresses but I wanted to look nice, I wanted people to look at me.
Anyway so today I found all of these clothes and I cut a bit of the fabric from each and put it in my journal and then I am going to throw the rest away.
So there you have it all of this stuff is safely in the same place now and I can choose to look at it or I can choose not to and that makes me feel better!
As for the cell phone thing...it made sense when I read it, but you can also read alot into information meant to aid us. Because, for any of the things they mention as a 'red flag' to a perp....that tends to become our basis for self-blame. It shouldn't be...but we seem to naturally lean that way.
I hope you will look at that garment a little differently. I hope you will see it as a thing you liked...wore because you liked it...and never once did you decide it was attire-to-be-raped-in. I am sure that was never your intent.
Hope this helps some.
Hugs!
Then i realised that i could see where they had scraped for evidence and i had to throw them. because whilst originally it was about taking back ownership, it became too much of a reminder.
I do wish in some ways i kept them...not to wear but,like you, a piece of them.
Im glad you found a positive way to 'use' them. :)
I didn't keep a single other thing