Hi Darlin!

Seeing our loved one suffer from cancer is so painful. Is your husband still able to get out and do a few things? If so, just a ride on a beautiful day can be a special treat. If not, maybe some friends could come and visit....maybe even have a dessert with y'all. That always cheers Ray up...and me too. We're blessed with many dear friends. I also rent movies, which he can watch at his leisure. Just a few suggestions, Hon.
How are you holding up? Please try and get out and have some "girl time". That always refreshes my spirit.

Love & Prayers, Ingrid

For me, best thing my (now ex) hubby did for me was just to listen to me talk and just say things like "yea, I understand". Like msgrace suggested also - it's the little things that you know he'd like that will help support him. Make him little notes maybe, put them place he will find them like, pillow, mirror, closet, coffee mug or whatever just saying that you love him and glad to have him in your life. Also, try to just be 'normal' as much as possible. It's great to get you mind off of the sickness as much as you can - for both of you. Hope this helps a bit. (big hugzz to you both)

I learned a one important thing about my husband over the years since his dx...and that is that although there are some days/moments that he is open to talking about this cancer journey, most of the time, he is not. He has to live with the cancer every minute of every day and, the one thing that helps him most is forgetting about it...even if it's only for a little while. So, I have made it my mission to planwhat I call "living distractions".... trips, activities and even projects around the house. He has been able to participate in everything....even when he wasn't feeling well, he loved to "supervise" me when I did projects around the house.

I hope my method of helping my husband helps give you some ideas...I wish you and your husband the best.

Love, Linda

Here is my take from the opposite end of the spectrum. As someone with life long chronic conditions like asthma and ulcerative colitis; when I was diagnosed with papillary RCC I reverted to my traditional "just leave me alone" attitude. Yes, I just wanted to read or zone out and visitors or well wishers were appreciated but not needed. Strange, yeah, but I found I was okay with living within my head and just being left alone because I am not normally a depressed person. Ask your guy if he might want some quiet time just for himself.
Something I started doing after they found the tumor was sending email musings to my friends and family. This was great for me as I honed my cynical and cockeyed world view. And seeing my life in print gave me an appreciation of the good stuff I enjoyed through the years. I guess you can call that keeping a journal. I got great responses from the people I cared about who I found really cared about me. I know, sounds like an Oscar acceptance speech. Just ask him and if he says 'I want to be alone', or, 'I want to just be with you'; that may be the best medicine and support you can give him. Be well, Rich

HI my dear friend,

as you know that i went thru alot with Tim during our journey with the cancer, and when i tried to get closer to him he would just get angry and when doing this i made our whole life about his cancer.. When he was trying to live a life without thinking about this everyday i would make it worse.. Until i finally realised what i was doing and putting the cancer first and not living life only could i change my ways.. It was then i finally stopped this and starting living life more for me did it finally change and when i stopped putting all the focus on Tim and cancer has made our life better.. Tim now talks about how he feels and about letting me know how he feels and we talk about it, Tim talks more now, more than he has ever has thru out our whole relationship.. I have let him know i am and will always be here for him and when he needs and wants to talk i am here to listen but for me i needed to stop letting cancer take over our lives and live as normally and what was the most important let Tim live a normal life, especially because this is what he wanted.. When Tim got very sick i was there for him, i didn't overbare him with my worries and took each hospital stay with concern but never showed my true fears, this seem to give Tim the confidence he would get better and eventually he did.. With using this new antibiotic he was sure by this last Sat it would start again and all i could say if it does you'll go for another round of the antibiotic and left it at that.. It's now Monday and he is doing fine, the less he stays off it the better it will work the next time it's needed.. I don't know if this will help but for us this works, just living more normally and keeping the focus not all on Tim's illness's so he won't be thinking about sickness 24/7 is all that Tim ever wanted, it was me that had to change and stop making his cancer and complications issues into what our life was all about.. Living is to live, sickness is not living and today we both need to live, the cancer is always going to be there , and Tim and i both know that but supporting Tim the weller he will feel, and i want Tim to feel as good as he can without reminding him he has cancer and in all actuality this is what Tim wants, it was me that was doing all the damage.. Our lfe is really good today, Tim talks about everything, his childhood to how he is feeling and will he ask me what i think.. It's so good to tell him how well his legs look,great than having to tell him that they still look very red and swollen.. I thank God daily for helping me realise i needed to change to support Tim in a healthy way..

I am always here for you,

Love, Becca

Thanks all for your replies - you've all given me lots to think about!