Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
There is no reason for it. My H has done nothing to cause triggers. But I can't get it out of my head. It's taken up residence there, his time with her, his SEX with her.
It's been going to well. But I am overwhelmed with sadness and pain after all this time. 23 months post Dday. Lots of progress, counseling, talking, you name it.
But it's killing me today. Just killing me. There isn't anything I need him to do or say. I guess I just need to have the bad days, then move on once again.
This sucks. It just fucking sucks.
It's been going to well. But I am overwhelmed with sadness and pain after all this time. 23 months post Dday. Lots of progress, counseling, talking, you name it.
But it's killing me today. Just killing me. There isn't anything I need him to do or say. I guess I just need to have the bad days, then move on once again.
This sucks. It just fucking sucks.
no hope hearing this ... been a few bad days in a row for me ... in a total slump... just so mad that he has brought this into our marriage and that it will never go away... feeling hopeless and lost and sad... as we speak his nextel just went off ... " Matt to base.." he says go ahead and i always wonder if its her and he says not but i'll never know... i hate all of this not sure i can stay i wanna dont dont know if i can deal ... i am here for you going though the same ugly feelings at all times!!!
My message to all of the OW's
" life isnt a garden so stop being a HOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had some other stuff going on in my life this past week. I am the type of person who lumps everything together, which is NOT good. The result was the "crash & burn" I just went through. In many ways those crashes are necessary. If you are like me, and you stuff your feelings, (I don't do this on purpose) when it does come bubbling to the top, it is irrational and out of control.
We've made so much progress, that I sometimes feel it isn't necessary to "talk about it" anymore. But I'm finding that I need to be more in tune to my thought processes, and be honest with myself and with my H when I'm mentally chewing on something. It would avoid these crashes. I am constantly learning something new about myself and it's not always easy. At 50, my life patterns are pretty much set in stone.
We're at 6 months past d-day. Most days are good, great actually. And like you there was nothing that my H did that caused this latest trigger. He has been working so hard to make sure we have an open line of communication (i'm sort of a clammer-upper) and making sure I talk to him about anything that may be bothering me even if it is painful for him to hear. He knows I will be needing to vent and he knows it will take as long as it needs to take.
I was looking at a picture I found online of the OW yesterday and it just hit me, How can she go on living her life knowing how badly she hurt me? How can she face her friends, kids and family knowing how much pain she caused in my life? I realized that my feelings are most likely not a concern for her which is why she can go on. I also realized, happily mind you, that she is probably in a lot of pain knowing that she lost what she wanted so badly, knowing that my H is back where he belongs, with me.
There is really no way to avoid triggers. We need to just accept what it brings up, talk about it with our H/W because they need to know when you are sad as much as they need to know when you are happy, and yes, move on once again. Each one seems to get easier for both of us although I look forward to the time when it doesn't consume my whole day! Best of luck, keep your chin up!
He has only ever loved me, and it was a cry for help...wanting appreciation from another, that he wasnt getting from me. So perhaps you should tell yourself similar things...maybe it takes years to get over this.