Ugh, yes it sucks.

I have those days too and there is nothing that has happened or that was said but man when they come they knock us back.

When I have days like that I turn to my H, just to hold me and stroke my head and back. You're right there's nothing more that they can say or do... we know they're sorry but their being there for us helps.

I hope this day passes and you work it out. I know you're doing so well but we have to remember that it was a huge, complex thing in our lives and despite how well we feel most of the time there's gonna be days...

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I know the feeling. I'm sorry.

I am going to spend the evening reading. I'm working through Jane Eyre right now. H is bring home something to eat. Right now I don't want to talk to him about this. I usually need some space after these days before talking to him, so that is what I'm telling him.

I know this will pass. But my heart is breaking. I hate it when it comes out of the blue and whomps me like this.

What the hell was he thinking.

(((hugs)))

I'm a lot like Rel8, sometimes there's nothing anyone can say or do to comfort me. Sometimes, the best medicene for me is undivided attention from my H.

Thanks all. Is it wrong for me to want to just be left alone? My H will try to make me laugh, or try to comfort me. Somehow, it just doesn't help. Sometimes I just need space to sort through my feelings. Feelings I should have sorted through a long time ago.

I am going through the same thing. It will just hit you, How could she have done this to us? Its hard for her too, because I cant tell her what may have triggered it. Its like a wave that hits you then eventually it leaves.

No loving it's not wrong to want to be left alone with your feelings. We all have our ways of needing comfort.

I find that when I'm feeling vulnerable I need my H there to reassure me. And it's not really anything that he says or does that helps... just that he's there and he understands. Now... I am so very strong but somehow that's comforting to me.

I've had a couple of bad days in the past few months. One is in my journal and the other, at Wrigley Field no less, I've mentioned on these boards. Both times we talked about how I was feeling and that helped me... it always does.

Mike triggers are strange things. I had a dream the other night because of a movie we watched. It was a good movie, no cheating, happy ending... It was the context of the movie that made me think of what happened in my life... subconsciously.

I am so sorry. I know how you feel. Sometimes just out of the blue.

I think it's because we remained faithful, we kept our vows, kept our promises.

Then every now & then reality "slugs" us in the face just to remind us NO MATTER HOW REMORSEFUL our cheaters are, they chose to hurt us, they wanted to hold another in their arms, they wanted to "LOVE" someone else. Regardless of where we are in our rebuilding, at some point they didn't want us.

The pain hurts no matter what.

Shake it off, girl!!! Remember, you can walk by a mirror and look yourself in the eyes and feel GOOD!!!

Oh, how well I know!! It's the roller coaster ride of a life time! Never did like them. Never went on a really big one when I was a child. I sure am on one now!

Its very normal.
It just happens out of no where. I think all of us have had this happen. Time doesn't seem to be a factor. 1 Months or 5 yrs it still seems to creep in once in awhile. It just is what it is.
I have to stay to myself also.
Just know you will come out of it and we are all here for you.

No matter how hard we try, I don't think we will ever escape the betrayed feeling of them being with someone else. All the rebuilding in the world doesn't seem to ever take away that memory for us. If it did, it would, but it doesn't. I think what we have to remember is that is OUR memory and it must not have been that great for them, otherwise, they would have chosen to stay with the OW/OM but instead they chose us. There is no magic bandaid, no magic erase cream. We have to be careful not to get on that runaway train when it happens. Let the thought come and pass. It's our minds way of trying to make sense of something we probably never will. But we must remind ourselves that its just a thought and that thought is not as powerful as we are. We have to try our best to make new, wonderful memories to replace the old. We too are only human, just like them and they screwed up. On Monday I wanted some ice-cream, I know that ice-cream is bad for my teeth, my figure, etc. but I still wanted it. And I gave in to that desire because I was weak. Yesterday I went to the dentist and paid the price of the ice-cream on Monday. I know it's a poor analogy but at the time there was nothing in the world that I thought would make me feel better than that stupid ice-cream. Obviously, their ice-cream (the OM/OW) that our SO's chose was no better. In fact, their's probably had rotten nuts in it...LOL

Hang in there sweetie. You are stronger than most of us. I can probably speak for everyone when I say that we depend on your wisdom and guidance in our misery but we have to remember that you went through the same thing we did and you are going to have your bad days too. And you know what, you're entitled. You were hurt very badly as we all were. Being the moderator doesn't protect you from those horrible reminders or triggers. But we are here for you just as you have always been here for us!

Thanks everyone. I'm still really down today. I slept on the couch for a bit last night, ate some supper, then went upstairs and read. Turned the light off at 10 and went to sleep.

I really hate the mental trips that come along. I hate the person I've become, the person who at the flip of a coin can become nervous or distrusting. For no reason. I lose my sense of self, I feel as if I'm caught in a whirlwind, out of control.

The more irrational my thoughts, the more out of control I feel. I know this will pass, but it sure is dark in here.

Yeah, I can relate. I am having a hard time today myself. I go to school where HE just graduated. Most of the people I am in class with were in class with him. My wife and I have the same classes and we just started two weeks ago, but the thought that all the people I am around now, know him on some level just kind of creeps me out. I am having a hard time dealing with it today.

Sorry you're still having those feelings. I hope you feel better soon.

Well, HUGE vent time with my husband. Once again, he said all the right things. Looked me straight in the eye, I have no reason to doubt him. He is totally torn up by this, and not at all happy that I had been stuffing my feelings.

So, we talked, we cried, we're good. I am feeling drained but much better.

There are other stresses right now...DD is a constant stress, he is under horrible stress at work. We talked about all of that.

I'm tired, but feeling better about the issues. Onwards and upwards we go.