Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group

A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.

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MorganTX 07/29/2009

If marriage is legally binding, and fidelity is a component of the contract, then why shouldn't infidelity be a crime?

I know that it is in other parts of the world.

Think about it, if I accidentally hit somebody with my car and injure or kill them, I can go to jail. And that isn't even intentional - just an accident.

When I think about the pain and suffering, divorce and its effects, lost wages, lost productivity and just general all around bad karma in the world that comes from cheating - it makes me wish it was illegal.

For the betrayed, do you think if it was illegal and your spouse had to risk real jail time that they still would have cheated?

deleted_user 07/29/2009

If it would be illegal, as I agree, it should be, we couldn't possibly build enough jails etc.

deleted_user 07/29/2009

well I think they would still cheat because its all about living in the moment of selfishness and whats gonna make them feel better at that minute. my H acts first then thinks. Plus look at all the the criminals breaking all the other laws out there. This one would be no different especially when the law breaker would be thinkin with his penis lol

wasz 07/30/2009

Isn't that a big part of an affair, the excitement of getting caught, the thrill of the secret, thinking you will never get caught, etc. etc. etc.....Anyway I don't think for one moment it would stop a cheater, Selfishness is what it is, no matter what the consequences.

lovingagain 07/30/2009

You can't legislate morality.

deleted_user 07/30/2009

This subject has been brought on DS many times. I am more curious about who among us would prosecute our own spouse or ex-spouse if it was illegal?

deleted_user 07/30/2009

I brought up this subject once on OOYPDD about the cheater having to pay a fine or do jail time. I for one would have thought twice about having an affair if this were the case. Intstead, I was stupid and selfish and the consequences are un-ending...ugh.

You would think that the thought of breaking one of God's laws would be enough to deter people from stooping so low, but it obviously doesn't. So sad!!!

deleted_user 07/30/2009

Oh I would Texy!!!

Also I think the main reason it isn't legal is because to many law makers have something going on the side and why would they want to put another nail in their coffin. IMO...LOL

Gopeach, your right if they can't get away scott free, then maybe they think...

deleted_user 07/30/2009

I would prosecute. Tearful, I don't think most of them get away scott free. They suffer from exposure and to some I think that is worse than going to jail.

deleted_user 07/30/2009

You know cheating still happens even in the countries that have the laws. In the muslim countries where adultery is punishable by death it still happens. Laws won't change a thing. The only thing that will is teaching people that they are worth more than to sleep around with anything that comes their way. It is about self-respect and respect of the spouse.

MorganTX 07/30/2009

I guess I wasn't thinking so much about "would I or would I not prosecute" - (which I would btw IF it was illegal) - I was thinking about whether or not it would help people THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES before they act.

I do not think cheaters get off scott free - I see alot of pain and suffering from some of the cheaters - at least from the remorseful ones here at DS.

But I do think (and maybe I'm wrong) that if there were LEGAL rammifications that less people would cheat.

I agree that you can't legislate morality - but if you can go to jail for lying, for stealing, for harming other people, for breaking a contract -- it seems like cheating is a bunch of those rolled into one.

If there was just one highly publicized case where all the cheaters texts and emails and phone messages were made public as he was hauled off to jail on camera - don't you think it would give some people pause before they send that FIRST text that crosses a line?

deleted_user 07/30/2009

defe...your right, the laws are mainly there for the honest people.

deleted_user 07/30/2009

When I was in Sudan I visited a jail. Most of the prisioners were women who had run off with men that their father didn't want them with. It was sad.

deleted_user 07/30/2009

The first time I covered for my H and kept everyone from knowing what was going on.
The last time? If anyone asked I told them straight out. Even if he was right beside me and we were in the grocery store,lol

That worked for me.

MorganTX 07/30/2009

Shewolf - you rock!

deleted_user 07/31/2009

Illegal or not...I do think at least the spouse should be able to sue...I looked up cases where it had happened. I think, especially if the OW or OM new about the marriage, they should be held accountable, they should have to pay for counseling for the couple, marriage and individual, they should have to pay for lost wages if the couple seperates due to the A, they should have to pay for pain and suffering, they should also have to pay the injured spouse for any dinners, gifts, trips, phone bills, expenses that the cheater put money out for. Cause you know there is no way the cheated would have paid for thier spouse to do all these things with that person. And when your married it is not his money, her money, it is joint and should be agreed upon how it is spent. Normally both put money in and that money is for the HOUSEHOLD. Which does not include a mistress.

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