Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group

A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.

339 Members

3,364 Posts

0 Online

changedmylife 02/18/2009

Are you angry with your H/W? Is it because they slept with someone and you can't stand that, or is it because it turned your world upside down and you loved your life the way it was before you found out? or both? Or you never thought they could? Most people pre-marriage sleep with others and you get over it right? But there is a difference after vows are said. I understand from the stand point of never cheating on my H, what he did to me was so not right, but atleast he didn't sleep with her like she would like others to believe. I can say, I am really happy (in an odd way) that I found out. It made my eyes open to the scum my so called friend was, how she acts, her fakeness, lies,deception and the opportunity to get something rotten out of my life. So for that part at least I am thankful. Yes I was upset about the little bit that did happen, but I understand it completely. I am so thankful though that I don't live the OW's life. She can't stand it because my finding out changed her life, not the love for her H, but her life, they way it was before she found out about all of her marriages baggage. Well to her I say, eat s...and die for intruding on my life. Thanks for letting me see the real you, and oh how much more rich my life is for me and my H without you in it.

deleted_user 02/20/2009

I think I am most angry over the fact that he not only destroyed my trust in him but my trust in my own judgement. The fact that he shared things with someone else that he should have been sharing with me, the fact that he never once came to me and said there was a problem, that he kept a secret from me for 16 years, I'm really angry that I've been married for 23 years to a man I don't even know.

deleted_user 02/20/2009

i am angry that he put such little value on our relationship that he was willing to throw it all away on a woman that was looking for someone to rescue her from her own troubled marriage. That he was so in need of someone giving him over the top compliments that he was willing to risk it all.
I guess I am just angry that I was not that special to him.

changedmylife 02/20/2009

I am agry about how he let this whore stay in my life for so long. I had her back. My H told me many, many times that she was not my friend but would never say why. I know now. I said, yes she is a flirt, yes she dresses like a slut, yes she oversteps the friendship boundries, yes, she really is my true friend, but she would never cheat on her H. MAN WAS I SO WRONG!!!!!!So, COnfus3d, my judgement on people also got slaughtered.

deleted_user 02/20/2009

Mostly, I am angry that I am not the sort of pragmatic person who can just shrug this off as a "mistake"! "oh well, he made a mistake".

A mistake is forgetting to pay the gas bill. If you forget to pay it for five years it begins to appear intentional!

I am angry that I am the sort of person that knows that every day, that he saw her, a decision was made to decieve, to rearrange his schedule, to include someone else's collaboration, at times and to look me in the eye and say, "I might go to Ron's to watch the game after work, I'll call you".

I hate knowing that he had to detach from me in order to become attached to her and that I did not feel detached. I am so ashamed that I was fooled into thinking that we were still as close as ever for all of those years. I am furious with myself.

deleted_user 02/20/2009

Nave
you are so right.. I feel the same way!
It is his ability to deceive and ours to continue to believe.

wasz 02/20/2009

I am angry with my husband for all the same reasons as above but I am also angry with myself for seeing several indications over the 4 years that something was up but didn't have the balls to delve into it as he would continually deny anything was going on. Stupid, naive or trusting I'm sure I don't know. But I do know one thing I am angry because I will no longer be able to trust him again so when I feel anything amiss I will be so gone without any explanations this time around. I guess I am angry also for the sense of security I used to have and don't feel now but when I think about it that might not be so bad as I count on myself now as never before,a confidence in myself that I always had for him, not anymore.

rel8 02/20/2009

I am so angry at myself for not telling the OW off 2+ years ago.
At that point she was infatuated with my H and he told me everything she said to him. She called him relentlessly and left inappropriate messages which he would let me hear.
I said over and over again that the next time I see her I would tell her to lay off, that I didn't like it and that her actions are inappropriate for a co-worker. My H NEVER told me I shouldn't tell her these things... He was as bothered by her as I was. He told her to give me a call just to talk and you know what she said to him? "Your wife would kick my ass". Both of them... STUPID!

I'm too nice... I never did that and I could just kick myself...

Join the Conversation