Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
So last evening, I was pondering how I feel now a days, vs how I felt over the last 2 years since Dday,
these last few months, ive really turned a corner. I really feel like myself again.
the rage, the anger, the trauma, the sadness....many of those emotions are no longer smothering me as they had been.
the thing that I was asking myself last evening, was ...how and WHERE do I feel different these days?
For me, emotional and mental stress would come out physically in my stomach most of the time. Id feel the discomfort and distress in my gut.
so, I notice that ive not been feeling that knot in my stomach for the last few months
I don't carry then stress and the tension in my body the same way I did...not in my back or shoulders...
and when I started to do a body/emotion scan of myself, I was surprised at what I found.
I found that the thing I notice the MOST these days is
I NO LONGER AM AFRAID
for the last 2 years , fear had its hooks in my daily....hourly..... by the minute...
but I don't feel fear.
I don't constantly think things like
WHAT IF....
what if she didn't tell me the entire truth?
what if she is still screwing arounf
what if I'm just an idiot
what if I'm crazy and can't see reality
what if her remorse and work is a scam
what if
what if
what it
the WHAT IFS are gone for me.
im more tuned into WHAT IS
the only analogy that I can think of is, when you experience the death of someone close to you.
and at that time, the emotions and grief are so high...and you don't think you will ever be able to continue and go on with out this person in your life....and one day you wake up, and you realize....they are gone, but I am here. and its sad that they are gone, but I can't do anything to bring them back. and I grieved for their loss, but I can keep grieving the rest of my life...because I have a lot of living left to do.
its something like that....thats where I am these days
so , hang on.... be strong.... everyone heals at their own pace.
but we all possess that capacity to HEAL...to learn....to live and to LOVE again.
Peace to you all
