Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
what does it mean when past triggers, don't trigger me?
with the Ashley Madison hack, I've been searching on the email addresses of some of the men my WW was with, and found most of them on the search sites before they were taken off line.
However, I had to ( i didn't have to, i chose to) look thru old emails on her alternate hookup account she used to use in order to get the email addresses of the APS, and saw mails she sent to these guys w photos of her in various states of undress. Some pics were quite graphic
I saw them all 8 months ago after dday when I got the passwords to her account, but haven't gone back to the account for some time.
anyway, i see the photos, and i realize all i think is a mild "hmmm"
i find the email address i want, and ask myself
how do i feel right now?
and the answer is
i feel fine.
im not suffering emotional distress at the site of these pics...
it strikes me as something that is factual. this happened.
but nothing more....no distressed feelings nor thoughts
and i can't help worrying , that , that may not be indicative of a healthy mind at this point
am i repressing ?
am i rug sweeping?
am i ignoring?
am i minimizing
or is this truly what healing feels like?
with the Ashley Madison hack, I've been searching on the email addresses of some of the men my WW was with, and found most of them on the search sites before they were taken off line.
However, I had to ( i didn't have to, i chose to) look thru old emails on her alternate hookup account she used to use in order to get the email addresses of the APS, and saw mails she sent to these guys w photos of her in various states of undress. Some pics were quite graphic
I saw them all 8 months ago after dday when I got the passwords to her account, but haven't gone back to the account for some time.
anyway, i see the photos, and i realize all i think is a mild "hmmm"
i find the email address i want, and ask myself
how do i feel right now?
and the answer is
i feel fine.
im not suffering emotional distress at the site of these pics...
it strikes me as something that is factual. this happened.
but nothing more....no distressed feelings nor thoughts
and i can't help worrying , that , that may not be indicative of a healthy mind at this point
am i repressing ?
am i rug sweeping?
am i ignoring?
am i minimizing
or is this truly what healing feels like?
Enjoy the good times! There will be more and more of them as you get some distance from this.
Going thru the visions
Thinking of the emails texts and pics I've seen
Going truth the 15 months
Each guy
Each vision
And
Although I feel sadness
It's not crushing
I'm not having thoughts of self harm
Or harming others
Kind of feel relaxed
Like thinking about something that happened long ago
It's not sticking to me
It's just what it is
I'm thinking of today
And what we will do as a family in order to make the most of the day
Is it time
Is It healing
Is it apathy
Is it repressing
Is it healthy
Is it normal
Is it ok
To feel
Ok?
5th session. 2 Emdr , 2 relexation exercises, and today was a discussion about how it bugs me, that things don’t bug me.
I asked if its normal.
He said, “No. It isn’t normal. It’s not normal how you feel right now given the situation, BUT it’s very healthy. Normal is average. Normal doesn’t equate HEALTH. Our goal isn’t to get you to be normal…our goal is to get you to be healthy. They aren’t the same thing.”
He said, that the forums and books ive read, and time frames of 2-5 years….he said , that is most likely NORMAL….ie AVERAGE…..
He asked , if that is NORMAL , do you think it was HEALTHY for people to be in that amount of pain and distress for 2-5 years?