Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
man..i had a total meltdown THU night....totally dropped.....plummeted....
its like being in a state of feeling ok is scary for me...
cause i don't think i ever really knew what that felt like.
its like being an alcoholic...and being drunk all your life, then getting sober...and being sober seems like it's not reality, because you aren't used to this new experience of experiencing things.
I wonder if I like feeling bad
It's insulating
Last night I felt like I was safe in a big plexiglass ball that kept the world out
Without the ball
The world is too big and limitless
Like being on a raft in the middle of an ocean
why might i feel safety in self disbelief, self loathing- analysis paralysis - depression?
why can't i stay in the bliss of now...stay in bliss of feeling good
its almost like it becomes to exhausting to stay there..and letting go of it, i tumbled right back down that mountain i just climbed....
its like being in a state of feeling ok is scary for me...
cause i don't think i ever really knew what that felt like.
its like being an alcoholic...and being drunk all your life, then getting sober...and being sober seems like it's not reality, because you aren't used to this new experience of experiencing things.
I wonder if I like feeling bad
It's insulating
Last night I felt like I was safe in a big plexiglass ball that kept the world out
Without the ball
The world is too big and limitless
Like being on a raft in the middle of an ocean
why might i feel safety in self disbelief, self loathing- analysis paralysis - depression?
why can't i stay in the bliss of now...stay in bliss of feeling good
its almost like it becomes to exhausting to stay there..and letting go of it, i tumbled right back down that mountain i just climbed....
Think of it more that you are in the foothills, so there are more hills and valleys to go through before you reach the summit of the mountain. Be patient with yourself. You'll get there eventually.
I try
I tried
I got up and thought
I'm going to write
I'm going to start morning pages
Not to reresd it
Just to get it out
Then i find out about a car issue
Then I thought
To a challenge
Can I keep on a high even after the car
And then I just crumbled
I don't know if the highs are worth the lows
The lows seem real
The highs seem fantasy
I had all kinds of thoughts on way in
Suicide
How much I hate my life
How I'm never going to change
How nothing will change
How WW will seek out others to give her what I refuse to or am unable or willing or incapable of
Focused
Getting things done
Talking to folks and solving tech issues
On way in
I thought to myself
I consider the possibility of if a life ahead of me in which I CAN do instead of I Can Not Do
I thought
I've been in the flow of creation
I've been there multiple times
Performing w My band is all about being part of the flow
Why do I ignore it all other times
Perhaps writers block is when people are in the flow and at some point they are cut off from the flow and the ideas stop
I've been backwards
I have ideas all the time but block them before they ever come out
When I admitted that there exists a possibility of a life ahead of me in which I can be part of the flow all the time
I felt a wave start from my toes and it ran straight up my body to my head and I felt energized
I felt good
Strong
Willing to get to work and get shit done