Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
That moment when
- you feel like asking him: "are we ok?" - not because anything is wrong or you have actual suspicious but because you suddenly are doubting yourself all over again and feel like maybe you're missing the signs so you had better check just in case you are missing the signs.
- you feel raging hate toward the OW like you haven't in literally years and you suddenly hate yourself for even thinking of her and for giving her power and for not having confidence enough in your own self worth to let the whole mess go.
- you look around and feel like the world is less shiny, less perfect, less wonderful than it seemed yesterday and you wonder if the color is fading from it - the world - or from you.
- you feel a certain dread (like you haven't felt in literally years) and you're back to a dark place like you were in the early days post discovery where you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
- you realize you're just days away from the 5th anniversary of DDAY and suddenly it all makes sense and the paranoia disappeared and the anger fades and the fear dissolves but you're left with a sad, sad ache and a lingering sense of low self esteem.
Happy holidays, indeed.
- you feel like asking him: "are we ok?" - not because anything is wrong or you have actual suspicious but because you suddenly are doubting yourself all over again and feel like maybe you're missing the signs so you had better check just in case you are missing the signs.
- you feel raging hate toward the OW like you haven't in literally years and you suddenly hate yourself for even thinking of her and for giving her power and for not having confidence enough in your own self worth to let the whole mess go.
- you look around and feel like the world is less shiny, less perfect, less wonderful than it seemed yesterday and you wonder if the color is fading from it - the world - or from you.
- you feel a certain dread (like you haven't felt in literally years) and you're back to a dark place like you were in the early days post discovery where you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
- you realize you're just days away from the 5th anniversary of DDAY and suddenly it all makes sense and the paranoia disappeared and the anger fades and the fear dissolves but you're left with a sad, sad ache and a lingering sense of low self esteem.
Happy holidays, indeed.
Definitely look into mold. There is an air quality test they do. Its called "mold remediation".
Enjoy the beach. When is the big day?
My H retired in July and is home every day. Due to my MS, he has taken on nearly all of the household chores. He spoils me something awful.
BUT > the only exercise he will do (and he has to do some because of his diabetes) is to go "walk - the - mall'.
He frequently adds a few errands to that trip. SOME DAYS my mind (and the devil on my shoulder) gets suspicious -- "how do I know for sure what he is doing?" There's that black hole.
We are on a midday bowling team every Friday. Then a new Saturday evening league was formed. We both signed up. But that is my 'low energy' time of day and it's stretches the budget. So we decided that I would not join. Last night - letting him go out socially without me - really threw me down that hole.
I have to let go of the past - and trust him - but am VERY FEARFUL!!
Like the analogy of the broken plate. - it can be glued back together but it will NEVER be the same again. My H and the OW shattered several 'plates' in my beliefs. Prior to the A - I never understood why people said that marriage takes work - our relationship was so natural - so met to be.
Other shattered plates had to do with my beliefs about close (nearly sisterly) friendships. The OW was a close friend. Since she was not discreet when I wasn't around - she would actually make a show of adjusting her clothes after a 'make-out' session in her car - ALL of my friends knew ----- but none of them had the balls to tell me for over 2 months.
Our 'friendship plate' and my trust in not only the innate goodness in people - but in MY OWN JUDGEMENT was shattered.
No one can go through that and not miss the old, new, Shirey plates.
That was supposed to be SHINY plates.
I'm glad I didn't know the OW. If it had been a friend, I might be in prison for homicide right now.
My fantasies Were finding a way to divorce him. So while the rebuilding was terribly painful and I do feel i los a lot but the shell shock of thinking we were one thing bit we were not, didn't happen.