Go buy a new dishwasher ASAP. Wait, I know what you are going to say? This one works fine. I don't need one that badly. I can get over this.

STOP.

Think about it this way. You said a lot of times this dishwasher thing triggers you. If you buy a new dishwasher, the exact kind you want, you have taken control over a trigger. This is a big deal. When you open your brand, spanking, new dishwasher you will feel proud of yourself for having conquered a trigger. Your husbands benefits by default, because you feel better about yourself when you are not being triggered.

See you really have no choice, you are doing your husband and your marriage a huge favor by buying the upgraded dishwasher that your heart desires. In fact, I would go so far as to say, you are doing a disservice to your marriage, if you don't march out this weekend and buy a new dishwasher.

The economy is suffering. You would be doing a civic duty to your community by buying a dishwasher, therefore helping your local appliance store or the people who work in the big box home center stay employed. You have to do this! How could you live with yourself if you knew your lack of commitment to superior dish washing technology let down your local economy?

And pick up some flowers for the kitchen table while you are out shopping, brighten up that kitchen lovingagain. ; )

Yup. New dishwasher time.

I totally understand your opinions. But I cannot justify spending over $800 right now, when my husband could lose his job this year. We're doing all we can do to get our debt under control and prepare for what might happen. If this economy wasn't an issue right now, I would do exactly as you suggest.

The last thing I want to do is make our financial situation worse right now. My point is that this is a stupid trigger for me. If I were to rid myself of all those triggers...well, it would be impossible. I guess I need methods of letting go of the triggers that don't really matter.

He's been so good about clearing up after dinner, and keeping it unloaded for me...it's just a dump object. I want to let this go, and spending money we dont' have on something we don't need would only serve to become another stupid trigger. Understand??

AND... U can sell the old one on craigslist.com and recoup most of the money... If u decided to sell it.

loving, we traded in my husbands car because it was a trigger for me... I so understand!

I would try to sell the old one and put money away slowly for a new one... or tell your kids that for mothers and fathers day, you'll take cash for a new dishwasher in lieu of gifts...

I agree with the others, as soon as you can make it work, get a new one. My H told me to get a new couch, since I made the comment to him, how I see her ass all over the one in the living room. I think your hubby would rather you get the new one, and he'll never have to hear about it again !!! Ha ha

This is a trigger on different levels. One thing this dishwasher represents is that your husband was cheating you out of what you valued and you settled for his version of what was good enough. It really wasn't good enough for you. You are not a petty and shallow person. This is bothering you and should be dealt with. It isn't silly.
There are several ways to handle it. If it were me, I'd go dishwasher shopping and make a deal selling the other one.

I've thought lots about this since posting and reading replies. I really think that if I bought a new one, it would still be a trigger because I'd feel selfish about spending money on something we don't need.

I was thinking back to when we bought it, remembering conversations. For the months we were without one, THAT was because he didn't know if he was going to stay in the marriage. By the time we bought one, he had come to his senses, we'd been in counseling, and were starting to move forward.

Money was tight at the time as well, and we had another major project we were saving for, which we did the following spring. For that, he spared no expense (within reason). We got new carpet, new dining room flooring, and new living room furniture. It was part of our "new start", and partly just plain needed. We ended up having to get a new frig last year too, which was a pisser and not cheap.

We really are concerned about what this year is going to bring with his job. We've both agreed to be very careful about spending, and working at getting more money into savings. So my practical side just won't allow me to be so petty about a perfectly fine dishwasher. Venting on here, putting it into words, then mulling it over all really helped.

If I were going to spend money on a new appliance, it would be a new stove. DD's rental house has a broken one...they only have burners, the oven doesn't work. I'd buy a new one and give them this one if I could afford it.

Dear Loving, I see You as a very giving, loving person. I wonder if that is a common thread between us on this site, we are too nice... That can be seen as a strenth or a weakness by others...Obviously, your children's welfare comes before your own...Typical, loving, Mother...Ha ha

Well, "too nice" isn't a character trait that I hear about myself. Too practical, too blunt, too rigid. :)

Through this entire ordeal, I've tried to stay mature and practical. I truly believe if I had given in to those mean hateful emotions, we wouldn't have stood a chance at rebuilding. There was plenty of anger early on, but I had to let it go in order to heal.

Spending $800+ right now, just to make myself "feel better" and to somehow "win" would just be wrong. It would remain a trigger, with a twist of guilt along with it. I don't need that.

Its not about making yourself FEEL better. Its a trigger. Even if its a once in awhile thing. REPLACE IT. You deserve this.

I dont think you should replace it - arent triggers something that we all need to deal with in order to gain control?

My trigger is my husband saying he has a meeting in Sugarcreek. I found out at one point that the town was only 60 miles away, yet he was going there at least once a month. Once I found out about the A, I figured out that he was really going to her apartment to stay over night.
He still has meeting there, but every time it is mentioned, my stomach flops. This morning, I saw in his calendar that he has his annual business trip marked off (this is another city). Last her he took his bjuisnes associate - the OW. He has not mentioned it to me yet, but I don't think that I will be able to deal with it. It is not something he has to do - so I am hoping he will not go.

Replacing it wouldn't remove the trigger. I talked to him about it yesterday, and he admits to being really stupid about it. We had talked about it before too. Talking it through is the most helpful thing to me.

We've had a great weekend together and I'm feeling much better about it today. Onward and upwards.

I often simmer over triggers, or something else for a few days, then I realize if I talk to H about it, I'll feel better. It's almost always the case!

I agree about not replacing it, mostly because we are really struggling right now and the guilt would be too much for me. I would suggest having HIM load the dishwasher, even if it doesn't bother you so much anymore. Let it be a trigger to him for a while, and you get a break from the dishes!

You are so right flashbackqueen, after we talked about it, I felt much better. He does clean up after dinner quite often too.

They laid off 8-9 more employees where he works yesterday, so our resolve to save money is even stronger.