Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I would love to hear your guys thoughts on this. I often beat myself up because I feel like staying with a cheater is a sign of weakness, an act of fear -- it's something I never thought I would have even considered.
A wise person that I was talking to about this said to be that she sees it as act of ultimate courage. That I would be willing to work thru and endure the pain of trying to heal the relationship to keep my family together, for my childrens happiness, for so many reasons.
I understand that, when it's explained that way -- I guess I just wish that I really felt that way deep in my heart.
Deep deep down I don't feel brave for having stayed -- I still hold onto to old judgements and thinking that if my H ever cheated -- I would be out the door with no discussion. But now that it's happened to me -- it's not really that easy or clear cut.
Thoughts?
A wise person that I was talking to about this said to be that she sees it as act of ultimate courage. That I would be willing to work thru and endure the pain of trying to heal the relationship to keep my family together, for my childrens happiness, for so many reasons.
I understand that, when it's explained that way -- I guess I just wish that I really felt that way deep in my heart.
Deep deep down I don't feel brave for having stayed -- I still hold onto to old judgements and thinking that if my H ever cheated -- I would be out the door with no discussion. But now that it's happened to me -- it's not really that easy or clear cut.
Thoughts?
"Jer 3:1
1 They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD."
To me, this just suggests that if you can forgive and take the cheater back, you do nothing wrong but are performing a great act of forgiveness and mercy. But also, don't be afraid to walk away if you can't move past this. It's understandable and appropriate behavior if in your heart you know you will never love your husband as a husband but always see him as a lier in your eyes. Your home should be a place of rest and respite, not tense or discomfort.
Big hugs and love.
I agree with tearful, I have to find my faith or it won't work out. I have some faith, sometimes, I just don't have that total blind faith that I had before the affair. Which feels...unsettling.
Pixie - you are right - I need to figure out how I really feel in my heart and then listen to that wisdom - I just seem to vacillate back and forth.
Ami - pride is one of the things that keeps kicking me onto misery street. I struggle with it every day. For 42 years, I thought I would never stay with a cheater. But now I have three kids and he will always be there father even if he is longer my H.
Growing - I have only told two friends in real life - one always tells me I HAVE to stay, the other tells me I HAVE to go. They both mean well, but it's impossible for anyone to REALLY understand that hasn't experienced it.
That's why the DS has been such a big help to me. Thanks to all of you.
Hugs,
Morgan