I wonder in your case if it was an affair "phase." That is, was her motivation really any different just because it involved multiple people over a short period of time?

the thing that I keep going back to is, it wasn't that she spend time w a coworker and bonded and crossed boundaries. the first was some guy her BFF knew and they started texting....then sexting.... then a 2nd guy...then she hunted them done on craigslist and Ashley Madison.

I found this blog a few days ago, and when I read it, I thought, WOW...I wonder if this is similar to what was going on w my wife. I had her read this article last evening, and she said "wow...omg...this is EXACTLY how I felt during the acting out"

so, in my wife's case it wasn't the classic "Not Just Friends" affair....

she even says in hindsight, that it was like a switch got flipped...

https://bipolarcompass.com/2015/10/11/the-forbidden-forest-how-my-mania-helped-me-cheat-on-my-husband/

My husband had only one actual physical affair, but during that time frame, he was "flirting with disaster" in a lot of other arenas. I wouldn't say he was actively looking for an affair partner, but I think he was actively seeking out... something. Well, I mean, in his case he was seeking out validation, an ego boost, affirmation of self worth...

When I say "something", what I mean is that I think that a lot of folks go through a "phase" as was mentioned where they throw doors wide open that should NOT be open to anyone but their spouse. They willingly and flagrantly allow other people than their spouse to meet their needs. It becomes habit. It's almost like someone who is SO hungry, they'll eat at a fast food place they despise just so they can fill their belly, even though if they were really thinking about it and being wise about it, they wouldn't be caught dead there.

When I started poking around through my husband's email and phone, I quickly realized that he had completely let his guard down with ALL the women in his life and were letting them all in whereas before he had a healthy respect for boundaries. He was "you're so beautiful" to this chick and "I love the way you ___" with that chick... and even though he had no real intent toward them, he wasn't saying no, either. It's not that he was necessarily actively fishing (like putting ads on Craigslist or something) but he might as well have been cos he was leaving the bait in the water and waiting to see what would happen.

He most certainly has not been this way the whole time I've known him, nor has he been this way since. He was reckless and needy and rather than coming to ME or rather than looking for appropriate ways to meet his needs, he just sorta let the bones fall where they may. It's like something broke inside of him and he couldn't stop. Yes... a switch being flipped.

Is that the case with every person who cheats? Nonono. Definitely not. I've seen remorseless cheaters who literally compartmentalized and continuously justified their actions throughout the entirety of their lives. I've seen situations where someone literally did "accidentally" fall in love with someone and just felt that the pull was too great, but it was literally only with that ONE person. Every situation is clearly different.

And yes. For the record... I've witnessed bipolar sex-a-thons (well, not literally, I just mean the fall out of those actions) from both males and females. I've seen the hyper sexuality take over and all heck break loose. There were *always* other signs of mania, though, not just the sexuality. Unless your wife was experiencing other symptoms of mania, I think I'd trust the experts.

the stories and descriptions of BP1 mania don't resonant, but stories of the BP2 Hypomania do.
She has just come off of a Miriena IUD that she has for 5 years. During those 5 years w the IUD, we had intercourse 5 times ...not even once a year...we went 2 years with out any intimacy after our twins were born.

so, kids born...IUD inserted....5 years ..... about 1.5 year before she starts the infidelity, she is ex'd celexa....about 5 months before the infidelity, she increases the celexa. the day before she starts texting the first guy, she has the IUD removed.

5 months after dday, she was diagnosed ADHD.

I've been reading on misdiagnosis of BP and ADHD, , and also how SSRIs like Celexa could increase mania for people suffering from Bipolar. Also, having the IUD removed, the mirena releases hormones into the system, so the IUD is removed, and the hormone fluctuations change drastically. Read some stories of women who used the Mirena IUD and said once it was taken out, they were super sexed up afterwards.

just wondering if the undiagnosed ADHD, the celexa increase, the IUD removal, all helped create the perfect storm

The only one who could answer that is a psychiatrist. :)

my wife had an appt w her pscyh yesterday. Sun evening, I asked her if she would bring up the ideas of hypomania, bipolar 2, hyper sexuality.

She started increased her celexa rx 5 months before the adultery began. ive read articles about how SSRI can kick off mania for people if they are suffering from bipolar

she also came off of a mirena IUD, which, from articles online we have read, other folks experienced an increase in sex drive after the IUD was removed, and also experienced a drop in sex drive when the IUD was in..... during the 5 years that my wife had the IUD in, we had intercourse 5 times ( in 5 years)

IUD comes out....we have sex 55 times within 60 days!

the psych said, yes, the celexa could have that affect for someone w bipolar, and perimenapause and the IUD removal, would have had her body and hormones pretty out of whack, but the psych also said for it to be bipolar, she would have been exhibiting symptoms before this hyper sexual escapade, which she wasn't.

guess I'm still looking for a scientific reason, other then "it was a perfect storm"