CS stands for Cheating Spouse. I too have thought of renewing our vows. I mentioned it to my H after dday - he scoffed at the idea. Maybe a year later he will see the possible benefits. I'd be interested in seeing others' response to this.

We did renew our vows. We did it about a year after dday on our anniversary. It helped me let go of the past by starting anew. He broke his old vows so I wanted him to write ones that meant something to him. He needed to know that I was staying so I wrote new vowsnas well.it sure didn't make everything all betteer but it was a step in the right direction. I hope that helps.

My H and I are the opposite of many on this. My H (the CS) wants to renew our vows. I politely point out mine never expired.

state- can't help but giggle when I read your response. It's so true, yet, so poignant!

We are thinking about it as we want a new marriage, a new start. I was not very keen to keep my vows eather as I forgot to honor my mate last years :(

Our wedding was kind of a disaster, and it obviously didn't result in the ideal marriage, so there's a big part of me that desperately wants to do this. I always scoffed at the typical romantic gestures- proposing on one knee and so on, but now I think it would do so much to heal my heart for him to do those things. He's responded that he "understands". Did NOT say that he wants it too, or that he'll do it for me someday.

So I have this weird sensation of being his long-time live-in girlfriend or something less substantial. His love feels very conditional now- like maybe he'll renew his vows if I behave well enough for long enough, which is hard to stomach considering he's the one who broke his vows. I don't know what I'll do if he never wants to make new ones.

My H and I talked about renewing our vows. I suggested doing it on our 10th anniversary ( almost 2 years away). My H acted like he would like to do that but I am not holding my breath. We both seem to be in very different places right now. I am wanting more out of life and he is content with the way things are. ( at least he says he is and seems to be) So I am sure by the time our 10th anniversary gets here renewing our vows will long be forgotten by him.

H and I have discussed renewing our vows because of the A and because of our original wedding day and the courthouse and the half in the bag (or hungover) magistrate that married us. Plus I think I would feel as though the renewal would be a new beginning. It'll be 2 years past dday this October and we've talked abour renewing at year 5 of our marriage which is one year away yet. We'll see, maybe I'll feel differently in a year? But my H is on board with the new beginning because I think he sincerely hopes that will wipe the slate clean.

My H and I did it, but I think it was too soon. It was only 3 months after dday. I look back and I think it was just part of the hysterical bonding, for me anyway. He did it as a way to put what he did behind him and have a fresh start. I even bought him a new wedding band. Now, I wish we had waited.

It also makes me sad that he never wears his old band anymore. Although, to him, it represents the past and the new one the future, I feel very sad because there was more to our past than his A...much more. So, I think it's a very nice thing to do, but don't look to it as a way to help you forget the past. I can tell you it does not. I told my H that, while I did think it was very special because we both wrote our own vows and he cried in my arms because he felt his love for me overwhelm him, I want to renew them again in the future, when the pain of what he did is a virtual memory. I'd like to do it when all I feel is joy and not pain, when I can truly leave the past behind and focus on the present and future. I was close for a while, but recent events have made me relapse, for lack of a better word. Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble. I just want to tell you that it is a wonderful thing to do...when you are truly ready.

We're considering doing this in the future. Maybe at our 30th next May, maybe another year down the road. Feels too soon, even though we've made excellent progress and I'm feeling pretty confident that we are solidly heading down the recovery road at a good clip. But it was something we'd talked about in the past, and now seems more appropriate as a form of recommitment to each other.

Anyone know how to tell when your ready and not just thinking your ready because that's where you want to be? Wish there was a check list that you could go through and know you've made it and know what is to come. The idea of not knowing how long it's going to take to heal is one of the most frustrating things. I'd like to see that light at the end of the tunnel rather than seeing only when I look back and realize how far we've come.

We got married at the courthouse - no wedding and last year I wanted to have a small wedding/celebration of our 10 yr anniversary but a week before he asked me for a divorce. Right now I dont feel ready - I lost my wedding band and I havent wore one in years and I really want a new one but I want him to get it when he is ready and he truly feels that this is forever, maybe then we can renew our vows. Stay strong!!!!

If you don't mind me asking, how long has it been and do you feel like it's forever? It's been almost 2 yrs for us and my husband wants to renew. I believe he will be true to our vows. For Mother's Day he bought us wedding bands that we wear on our opposite hands until we renew. They're supposed to signify a new beginning and his commitment to me. Wish I could flip a switch but we're in a better place now than before affairs so the one thing that has hurt me has also helped me. Now I just need to be happy with what I have and not let the past take over.

My wedding night was also not one for the memory book. I miscarried a pregnancy in the 12th week. It seems to have st the tone for my marriage. So many trials. I'm just 1 year past dday and we're doing excellent relationship wise. Our 13th anniversary was 6 months past dday and I asked my H to write me new vows. He did and they were beautiful and appropriate to where we were in our relationship. I actually asked him to marry me again on Valentines Day. We were married in Vegas over Thanksgiving weekend and plan on renewing again in a couple years when our anniversary is over Thanksgiving weekend at the same chapel in Vegas. : )

3guys- wow- I'm so sorry that is your wedding night story. YOU and YOUR H deserve a re-do.