Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I truly feel for the first time in almost 4 years, untethered by the past, untethered by resentment.
ive broken free from the event horizon of the sucking blackhole of the past
I'm looking towards the future and living in the present and leaving the past behind where it belongs
my wife and I have decided to divorce. Papers have been filed and we are negotiating settlement w our lawyers.
for almost 4 years I've felt trapped in a room that only had 2 doors.
neither of the doors were the right choice for me
door one - stay married. I didnt want to be married anymore
door two - divorce. I didnt want to divorce as I believed it would harm my children
once I was finally able to make the decision from a place of peace and calm... the tether that held me, or more accurately, that I held onto , which connected me back to the past...I finally let it go.
I felt free
I felt the resentment drop away
the anger..... the hurt
I'm still working on forgiveness, but I know I have the capacity to make it there.
ive believe the gravity of the past trapped me
but in reality, my choice to not choose, trapped me.
I feel at peace
no longer stuck in stasis in the event horizon...Im now floating on a cloud
there are doors to the past...sometimes they crack open and I can hear the whirlpool of the abyss.
but now, I can simply walk over, and close the door, and continue on my path.
the allure of jumping back into the maelstrom has lifted.
perhaps that was one of my own addictions I have finally dropped.
peace
Saw guy #2 ( of wife's 8) there last night. He at one point was a friend of mine and played in a band I was in.
I was having fantasies of tripping him on the stairs in the venue and drowning him in the toilet in the basement along w a few throat punches
But then I thought
F*** that
That’s the past
I don’t live there anymore
And I’m listening to one of my all time favorite bands and musicians and music that has inspired me throughout my life
So be here now
And I asked my HP for help to do the next right thing
And I let that sh1t go
there was a few seconds when I actually just stopped in my tracks when he walked past me
Froze
And all these hateful thoughts started to come up
I said to myself
No!
Not today!
Not now!
Not anymore!
Especially not after this weekend !
I’ve no room or use for hate in my life
To ever thing, there is a season
Anyway, I'm seriously considering divorce and envy that peace you are currently experiencing. My cs never fully turned that new leaf I needed to completely heal.
Ive been in limbo for a few months since his last lie. He didn't want to annoy me or have any sort of argument, so he chose to lie about going on aparty boat with friends.
The dumbest part is that I would not have cared that much.
Instead he was tagged in fb photos and caught.
He refuses to get counseling to help him work through his lying issues. I refuse to be intimate with him.
It is a stand off. There is only one logical place this can go.
I tried for too many years and sacrificed too much of myself to make this marriage work. Rebuilding requires a lot of work. Especially from the cs.
Without change they will go down the same path they have been travelling and by the time you get out more time/life will have been wasted on someone who was never worth it.
Surrounding the sadness, sandwiched within the sadness is relief, hope, and, self love. Those are all far outweighing the sadness.
I feel an enormous weight has been lifted off of me. I no longer have to take in negative emotions about his character flaws.
I hope that we can approach this divorce with dignity ands respect for one another.
Many people simply aren't capable of marital love and that isn't anything to do with you. Take care.
I am sad for your loss, but excited about the room left in your life for all kinds of exciting adventures and opportunities.