I am totally new to this site, found it today. In November my husband told me of his 3 week affair.. 48 hours later the OW was sitting in my living room apologizing and begging for forgiveness.. she told me the sex was bad, she didn't find my husband attractive and she has no idea why she did it! I had never met this woman before that night. My husband worked/works with her and that was where it all started. I have had lunch with her once since November, and I won't lie, I have my days when I truly DO NOT like her. But somehow God gave me the peace to be able to forgive her and hug (???) her before she left my house that night.. NOW that is crazy, right??? She said to a mutual friend that she felt horrible she "ruined" my marriage... Not sure why but that ticked me off, like she was giving herself too much credit, she doesn't have that much pull in my marriage. I do however compare myself physically to her on a daily basis. She is 8 years younger, 30 pounds lighter, blonde with no stretch marks. But I have to remind myself my husband chose me in the end.. She has to live with the guilt and remorse her whole life. I am called to forgive, it makes me the bigger person (and I don't just mean in pants sizes).....

Loveneverfails I have to say that I admire you.....I wouldnt have been able to keep it together, her in my house!!!! Oh hell naw!!! Even if she comes and apologizes and I will feel like punching her from here to the moon. My H is still with me but it don't take away this anger I feel towards the OW. I won't forgive her, I want to find peace but forgiveness.......I don't know if I can ever find that in my heart.

My H is talking, opening up and guess what he says??/!!!!! When he told her that he liked her she didnt like the fact that he was marrried!!! WTF??!!!!! She knew he was married since the 1st day they met!!!! He telling and I just wanted to bit*** slap her!!!!! She don't like he is married so he asked for a divorce!!! She definitely wanted him for herself!!!
Ahhh just venting!!!!

TO echo others on this board, it does get easier....I am 8 months out The OW in my case was a woman who used to be a coworker of mine until I became a SAHM. She worked with my husband and had been to our house, met our kids, ate our food before having the affair. I KNEW her. She does live across the country and thank God for that. There have been moments that only the distance has kept me from confronting her face to face. In the first few months I emailed her on each D-day anniversary AND when she contacted my husband at work in a way I felt was not absolutely necessary...I thought obsessively about what I would say to her if I ever ran into her. I know, I sound a little crazy. I still occasionally think about how it would play out if I ran into her (we live in a small company town and she travels here for work regularly so it is possible), but now it is much less. I spend much less mental effort on what I would say and I also think now it would be more an expression of pity than anything else - what kind of married woman sleeps with a married man? A sad-spirited, pathetic one at that who may never truly be happy...

You don't sound crazy mrice - I constantly play out conversations I could have with the OW if I run into her - I think it about everyday. It's not unlikely either - she only lives a couple of blocks away. I am glad to read that it does get easier :)

As days go by I think a little bit less about the OW. I haven't been dreaming about her Thank God!!!!! Oh but made no mistake I still want to kick her ass to the moon!!!! Still a little crazy but it seems like I'm getting to that happy peaceful place.

the OW in my case was a very good friend of mine. I constantly replay every conversation, laugh, joke or meal I ever shared with her.

Before dday (but a few weeks into the affair) She and her husband even came to visit my husband and I after we moved away. I saw a look exchanged between them that weekend, and something deep inside knew that they were not 'just friends.'

I saw the email evidence several weeks later. Those words between them are BURNED into my head. It's horrible. I can't believe that she could act like my friend and carry on that relationship with my husband.

My husband has since said that she wasn't great, funny, smart, etc. His excuse was that he couldn't find a proper channel to deal with his feelings, so as detrimental as it was to us - he slept with her to deal with his issues.

I am having trouble getting past the things that I read. It's a good thing that we moved so far away; I would absolutely have some choice things to say to her. Glad that I'm not alone - but I'm sorry that so many of us are dealing with this.

It is kind of ironic. I have come so far and my marriage is in wonderful shape. Actually better than it has ever been in 12 years.

Like others, the anger I have toward the other woman is not as much about the A, though I have plenty of that. but more about the crap she pulled AFTER. She did very hurtful, manipulative and malicious things and didnt give a DAMN who she hurt.. Her only goal was to get my husband. The crazy part was he didnt want her and had told her that! Told her (before I even knew anything) to leave him alone and not call him anymore.

BELIEVE ME I have fantasized many different revenge scenarios. Had mental throw downs with her and in my imagination and dreams...pounded on her face repeatedly while snatching her ass bald headed!! I think this is pretty normal.

The thing that has helped me the most is knowing my best revenge has been that she failed. In every thing she tried to accomplish she failed. My marriage and my husbands love for me was stronger than she ever expected. Her ex manages a strip club. I imagine she has learned from her experience that men will do anything you want if you offer them sex. That sex is all they care about. Because this has been her experience with her own relationship. What she unfortunately never learned is that isnt the case with ALL men. That isnt to say that a man isnt fallible and may forget his true priorities and be able to be manipulated for a while. You just have to walk into a strip club and see how that works. I assure you it isnt full of only single men! Her life experience has been that the men in her life are completely ruled by their penis. When there are some that arent. The thing she couldnt fathom was that my h didnt give a damn that about what she was offering. He didnt give a damn about what she was threatening to do to him..he didnt give a damn WHAT she was blackmailing him with. He was in love with his wife and his family and was going to take whatever he had to take for making the bad choices he did and hope to be able to save his marriage and LIFE.

She never counted on the fact that I loved him enough to also fight for it! My biggest revenge to her is she failed completely and she will NEVER know love..not real love. She will never BE loved either, not really. I just remember that she is so pathetic and lonely that she had to try and FORCE a man to be with her even though she knew he didnt want her! THAT is one pathetic life!

I instead feel lucky to not have to live and feel that way. I instead feel lucky to have a marriage and love that is strong enough to not only survive what was thrown at it, but take that and make our marriage even stronger and better. THAT is my best revenge!

Amen Nana! Ditto for me! In fact, I almost feel as if I should thank the whack job for bringing the A to light. It had the opposite effect of what she intended. She wanted to destroy our marriage and family so that we would be as miserable as she became. However, we are closer than we've ever been in all of the 21 years we've been together. Our love is richer, deeper than ever and we've learned how to communicate our feelings. I'm not saying I'm GOING to thank her, but happiness is truly the best revenge!

I see the OW all the time. We play softball on the same fields (diff division thankfully). I looked at the schedule to see how many times I will have to "see" her. We go to the same gym, so we see her there every so often. Her kids are the same age, so we are all in the same sports leagues in our small city. That is how she met us. My H was the coach. What kind of a person hooks up with her child's coach?
The revenge that I wanted was for everyone to know that she cannot be trusted. The wives of other coaches to know not to give their H numbers out because she is not calling to ask what time pratice is. I wanted her kids to know and be ashamed of her. I know that this really won't change anything. I do believe in kharma and I believe it will hit her like a truck one day. I just hope that I am there to see it.

ZNZSMOM, me too! The OW was nothing to look at...overweight and out of shape. He even told me " you are prettier than her. you have a better body than her, you are smarter than her.

The WTF???!!!! Because I don't kiss your ass 24 hrs a day 7 days a week? Every year of our lives? GROW UP! That is too exhausting. OW only had to do it a few months and even SHE turned in a raving maniac who blackmailed him by telling him if he left her, she would call me ( which she did). How pathetic is THAT??!!!

"I don't think I will ever be able to forget about her. I just hope that one day I will be able to think about her with detachment rather than raw, seething hate coupled with the desire to punish. I know that for my own sanity and mental health that I need to get over her. Even giving her one minute of my time in thought allows her to continue to steal my peace. I need to take that power away from her." Beach....you took the words right out of my mouth!
This is a continuous struggle for me! I don't want the B**ch to have any more power over me. I just want peace and happiness. I know that by having a strong, healthy marriage is the best revenge but dang...someone take this pain away!

OMG!!! Today is one of those days!!! I'm so angry and upset and I can't stop thinking about that sleazy bitch and how much I want to hurt her!!! My H was the one that "brought" her into our lives and he is been held accountable but that doesn't take away this burning seeding hate and anger towards her. Who the fu** she thought she was??!!!Making plans for the future in the shatter lives of another family, looking for happines with a married man? Aghhhhh......I just needed to vent and this is the safest place to do it.