Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group

A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.

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playerapr 03/31/2011

I've been hunting my H to tell me more details about his EA. I've been calm and patient in the outside even though in the inside I was anxious and growing impatient and more angry by the minute that he wasnt disclosing any information. So today he wrote me an email, he is overseas with the military, giving me some more information. I wasnt as upset as I was sad and hurt. He has told the OW that he really liked her and was getting divorced to start a relationship with her but then changed his mind and decided to work on our marriage. He said it was really hard to let her go cause he really like her a lot and had developed strong feelings for her. OW is divorce and according to him she haven't dated since her ex husband and she took a chance with him thinking they were going to have a future together cause he was getting divorce and not working things out with me. She told him he broke her heart cause she put herself out there for him and he decided to stay married and work on his marriage. Ahhhh that really pissed me off!!!!! WTF was she thinking? She gave herself a chance with the wrong man, a married one, my husband and mess with the wrong wife!!!! Just like other wives in here, I got the improve version of my H since we got married and I'm going to let another woman have him? He is no prince charming and he betrayed me but let her have him so they can live happily ever after? I think not.....she can go fuc** herself!!! I think he is scared that I might fight with her cause I told him that I despise her and thank God I didnt see her after Dday cause I would probably have been on her to scratch her eyes out!!!
Usually I explode when he tell me hurtful things but that just makes him scared of talking to me so I'm proud of myseit for keeping it together and saying thank you for his honesty.
I'm sure their is more to tell and more pain and hurt but I'm glad he was honest. I see it as progress!!
Ahhhhh...feel better after I put it in writing.

lisalisa72 03/31/2011

((hugs)) player - it must really hurt to hear those things, but sometimes not knowing is 100 times worse if you have an active imagination. The good news is that he trusts you enough to give you details and start to tell the story. This is a HUGE opportunity for you to start rebuilding good feelings with him so that when he returns you'll have a new and improved relationship!

Proud of you!!!!!

playerapr 03/31/2011

Thanks lisalisa....you make me look at it from another perspective,,,,him trusting me. And yes I do have a huge imagination, I have a whole soap written on my mind!!

znzsmom 03/31/2011

Player, I'm very proud of you. Like I've said before, as nauseated as this makes me, we have to "make it safe" for them to tell us. I've lately learned how to bite my tongue so hard, I may bite it off one day! lol. Seriously though, I'm glad he's opening up to you.

You know, I am so sick of these selfish whores thinking it's ok to go after a married man. Ok, even if your H said he was divorcing you, her response should be, "Ok, then call me when the divorce is final and if I'm still available we can give it a shot." But NOOOOOOO, they want our man, so they think they are entitled to taking them. I just try to remind myself that these women are emotional adolescents who just do not have the ability to think about how their actions affect others. They are like toddlers; it's all about self-gratification. I think they cared more about themselves than they did about our H's. Anyway, keep up the good work. I know it's hard, but you've already come a long way baby!

deleted_user 03/31/2011

Player, your story has similarities to mine. H told me that that he didn't had deceived the OW as well and told her that we were legally separated, but still living under the same roof until I get on my feet because I am a stay at home mom. What a saint. She is divorced and he "broke her heart" by going back to his marriage. Hmpfh.... I told him, "Wake up!" She knew you were married and from what I could read between the lines in her e-mails, she was with him to get herself out of the town she was in and to start a new life with someone who would support her financially and she was giving him everything he wanted to hear; the void that I wasn't filling. When he woke up with a STD one day and did the math and figured out she was sleeping with others it helped my cause a bit....oh, my wife isn't just making stuff up because she hates the OW. Hmpfh again....

Znz is right! Keep biting that tongue and make yourself approachable for him to spill all the beans, especially when H is deployed for long periods of time. (I've been with my H for 20 years of his 22 year military career). I'm happy for you that you are making the much needed progress that you seek. I hope it continues. And while it might not be the best bet to go ranting to the H right now, we are here for you to vent to!

playerapr 04/01/2011

Thanks again!!! It helps to know one that I'm not the only feeling this way. Just like you ladies said, bitting my tongue is hard but I'm doing it. ZNZ just hit right in the nail in regards to the OW, she has already planed all their future together with a married man!!!! Just cause she walk away from her own marriage so easily it didnt mean he was going to or that I wasnt going to try. He broke her heart boo hoo, she didnt think he was breaking his wife's heart?? Selfish bitch!!!

deleted_user 04/01/2011

Player - so good for you to have positive steps! And it is great that you are able to really vent your anger about that whore safely and in a supportive and understanding place like this. I really hope things keep moving in the right direction. Your husband is a lucky man to have a loving and graceful wife!

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