Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
After all this, after staying with him after he broke my heart, after so much therapy and effort and everything ON MY PART. He decides that it's just too much work and he can't deal and he broke it and it can never be the same since he broke it, so he would rather just leave me and the kids and move on.
What did I do to deserve this kind of pain? Sometimes I have such pain in my body, physical pain, that it actually feels unbearable.
I love him. I never stopped loving him. I want to be with him.
Now it's so bad that he won't even look at me or talk to me. The being ignored feels like being punched.
I guess that first year of horrible pain and suffering wasn't enough for him - he thinks I deserve more pain.
Most of the time I think he would be happy if I just disappeared.
The A changed him. He is sullen, selfish, self-centered, depressed. He broke my heart but he also broke his own spirit. He is not the man he was before.
And now I just have to accept and accept and accept and grieve.
I know this isn't a rebuilding topic. I'm sorry. I am having such a hard time. I just need to feel like I am among friends.
Thank you all so much,
Morgan
What did I do to deserve this kind of pain? Sometimes I have such pain in my body, physical pain, that it actually feels unbearable.
I love him. I never stopped loving him. I want to be with him.
Now it's so bad that he won't even look at me or talk to me. The being ignored feels like being punched.
I guess that first year of horrible pain and suffering wasn't enough for him - he thinks I deserve more pain.
Most of the time I think he would be happy if I just disappeared.
The A changed him. He is sullen, selfish, self-centered, depressed. He broke my heart but he also broke his own spirit. He is not the man he was before.
And now I just have to accept and accept and accept and grieve.
I know this isn't a rebuilding topic. I'm sorry. I am having such a hard time. I just need to feel like I am among friends.
Thank you all so much,
Morgan
Morgan, I don't know what I do if in your shoes. I do know that my husband could have easily fallen into the same trap of "I'm not good enough and never will be..." I truly believe that it was my forgiveness of him, my being gentle with him even though my heart was shattered, that made it possible for him to forgive himself. As angry as I was, deep down, I didn't want to hurt him.
There were times I felt resentful because of how much work I had to put in to fixing our marriage. There were times I honestly felt like I should have to do nothing, that he alone should have to do all the work at rebuilding. But in reality, I had to face that it was going to take both of us. And if I had to put down my pride in order to help my husband find his own path to self-forgiveness, then it was what I had to do.
I've worked very hard at losing that "hurt look", I work daily on not saying smart ass things to him if something triggers me. That's not to say I've never been nasty to him...I've said some things I wish I could take back, things that stopped him in his tracks and crumbled him. But I do that less and less as times goes on. I do special things for him to constantly remind him that I am still on his side, that I've not taken back my forgiveness of him.
I think these men CAN find their way to forgiving themselves. But like a horribly abused child, it will take time and lots of work, telling them over and over that we forgive them. Looking them in the eye, 10 times a day if necessary, and telling them. For as long as it takes. Just like we expect them to work on rebuilding, for as long as it takes.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things to help your relationship heal. I am happy for you that it's working out for you.
Hugs,
Morgan