8 months is still early, so don't be too hard on yourself. Most "experts" say it takes between 2 - 5 years to fully recover from this - your path may take more or less time.

I have to admit that in the beginning my main reason for staying was my daughter. I didn't want to have to share her and only have her under my roof for a few days each week. For that I would be willing to sacrifice just about anything, and over time the act became reality.

Hang in there! So happy to hear you've found a peaceful place.

i know i am not fully recovered at this point. i am simply at a point where i am no longer floundering between, attempt reconciliation, or divorce.

Been thinking a lot in metaphors and imagery.
These last 8 plus months since disclosure… I see myself in the middle of an ocean. There are two shores. One on either side. I can’t see either of them, but I know which way to head, should I decide to start moving.

I’m in a rowboat….that has holes….and its taking water….and I have been trying patch the boat in the middle of a raging storm.
I’ve not moved at all…just floating in the middle of the ocean in the middle of a storm.

The shores on either side of me are the Shore of Joy and the Shore of Sorrow.
Why would anyone consciously choose to sail towards the Shore of Sorrow?

I’ve got the boat patched as best I can do for now. I had to patch the boat before it was sea worthy.

Now, I have a choice. Stay here in the middle of the storm, or set sail.

I choose to sail towards the Shore of Joy.

On that shore, awaits my family. My wife and two children, and once I hit that shore, we engage in yet another journey across the land.
One the way towards shore, I know and expect to hit many storms. Possibly even get stuck in a vortex which will try to pull me under.

My boat is patched…with chewing gum and ripped clothes. Patching the boat isn’t enough. I need to start rowing the boat …some direction.

Might it be the wrong choice? Sure. But there are no guarantees in life. There never were any guarantees. I understand that very well now a days.

Bon Voyage. I’ll try to send a postcard on my way!

That's an important step to take. While the focus is on the CS's commitment to rebuilding, as it should be, it is also true it won't work if the BS isn't also committed to rebuilding. How long or if any one person comes to that point varies by circumstances and personality types.

For instance, I knew on dday that I wanted to rebuild if at all possible. What I didn't know at that point was whether it was possible or not. A lot depended on what direction Gabi would go. By 8 months out, I felt we were on the right track, but I still didn't feel the danger of running aground was gone. I felt committed as long as she was 100% committed to it in word and deed. Thankfully she stayed that way.

But that was me. It is perfectly normal for someone to take a few months, even expected, to come to that point. I'm sure if you took a poll, the numbers would be all over the place. Most don't want to make that commitment until they can see a way forward. Some simply see that earlier than others, even knowing it may veer off that path eventually and rebuilding fail. But if rebuilding is to be successful, the BS needs to get there at some point.

The ability to get to that point is in large part dependent upon the success of the CS to do all that needs to be done to heal themselves. That's why I told Gabi up front shortly after dday that my healing would be in proportion to her healing. The ball was in her court.

May you both find success in rebuilding your love, marriage, and emotional healing from this trauma.