these last few weeks or months, I feel that I have been supporting my FWW as she has been suffering from bought of depression, anxiety, shame , guilt and emotion distress. Trying to support her, it turned out, helped me...i felt good that i was showing compassion to someone who hurt me.

I have been thinking of writing up a post about "how to help your Wayward heal", since most of the things i've read all deal with how the Wayward need to learn how to help the betrayed heal.

i'll start jotting down some thoughts, but i stop myself, because i fall back into an old pattern of self doubt and think "wait a minute...am i crazy..... this isn't how recovery is supposed to go..... I'm not the one who needs to be supportive" .

but the thing is, ...two things i have learned and experienced over the last 20 months since dday, are

1. opening myself and being vulnerable was the first TRUE step for me in my healing journey. seems so counter intuitive, as i thought the only way to survive was to build up the walls around me, and make them air tight so no one would ever hurt me again...but i was just hurting myself.

2. getting in touch with your compassion for another person who is hurting, helps me on my healing journey as well.... it reminds me that i am HUMAN.... i have thoughts, emotions, feelings, i have been hurt, crushed, but i am still standing...i can still love, i can still have compassion, and someday, i can even truly forgive