Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group

A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.

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gettingintune 09/15/2016

flip flopping ????

I’m confused w my wife's flip flop from “i hate myself, I’ve destroyed everything i love, I’m selfish” vs “i cheated because you don’t meet my expectations, are not energetic , and verbally abusive and have anger management issues.”

she said when she talked to me about the men meeting her expectations and having energy that she wasn’t saying it from the present looking back wistfully on the events, she was saying it from point of the past when thats how they came across” .....

i think thats BS....i told her, if that was the case, then why , when i called you on your comment, you defended them???? its so weird.....

she was texting w a friend of hers her who moved to oregon, and her friend was saying things like “how unprepared i (ME) am to be able to deal with her” ...but she was saying it like it was a bad thing...that , y’know... i have spent the last 2 years going out of my mind and can’t cope.... i don’t get , how i end up being the bad guy....im the bad guy cause i can’t forgive and move on...seriously...WTF???

my wife really laid on the abusive angry husband angle to her friend.... and then basically itemized the 8 men saying things like this to her friend

“well the 1st guy had a great cock but that was all, couple of the guys had pencil dicks, but one of them was a great button pusher. another was a great button pusher and unlocked me, and the gorgeous indian had a pencil dick but was a pleaser” ....... so....how am i supposed to interpret stuff like that..... it sounds to me as though she is wistfully remembering the good ole days.....

how can anyone wistfully reminisce one moment then say i hate myself for destroying everything i love the next???

gettingintune 09/15/2016

last night we talked about the separation . i asked her if she was planning on dating during the separation. she said NO, that she has other things to do and that need to be done. (i thought that was an odd response). i told her GOOD, because i DONT WANT any of those guys in the house OR AROUND THE KIDS...and that goes doubly for Mr Wonderful (AP7 of 8) (guy she “fell in love with because he reminded her most of me” but who was sexually abused by his sister when he was a child. this morning she said “i know what i should have said to you when you asked me if i was going to date during the separation” , my stomach clenched in knots at this point.... then she said “i want to date YOU” .... she said “i want you to be my boyfriend” ....... ???? uh.... what??? and hearing her say the word “boyfriend” just took me back to something she told me toxic exBFF told her in march 2014 after her month long affair w a guy from Italy ..exBFF told WW “he was a really good first boyfriend for you!”

we are also working w MC on a managed separation of 3 months...
so the MANAGED separation is supposed to account for time the couple spends together once a week, and also a weekly all family time. she said she wants to go on “dates” like we used to do...enjoying the sweetness of doing nothing...... I’m really confused....because, remember...i am a verbally abusive husband with anger management issues ........ who would want a “boy friend” like that?

gravinggirl 09/15/2016

I am having trouble wrapping my brain around her rehashing the sexual skills of her APs after all that has happened. The last thing I want is to think about my AP in that way. I feel like your wife has a ton of psychological work left to do.

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