Dday for me was June 24 2009. This past dday was yr 2. Wish I could tell you it didn't bother me. But despite taking a nice vacation it still hurt and was a day I was just glad to survive in all honesty. I'm sad that I am still feeling like this two yrs plus from dday. When does the hurt go away? I have promised myself if nxt yr is just as bad for me I will reevaluate my choice to stay in this marriage.
I deserve to be happy I know that. I just wish I knew which choice would get me to that point.

My d-day anniversary was two days ago Aug 26 2006...surprisingly I totally missed it and did not realize until just now when I looked at the calender. But I guess subconsciously I knew it was near because late last week I had feelings that worried me. But alas I talked to my H and things are better. And right after it went down in 06 I burned my husband a disc of all the music that expressed how I felt at that moment in time almost 150 songs full of rage love and how could you music. And every year I make it a point to play it in the car or in the home while cleaning or driving...that way HE never forgets MY feelings about it all. I guess I ruined 150 great songs for him lol...everything from styx to slipknot lol. I titled the disc August sucks! And when he sees that disc he knows automatically I am transported back to a time of chaos and hurt and every other feeling imaginable and he knows it's time to step up. Old school I know "mixed tape" or now a "mixed mp3" can still do the trick. Music has always been a big part of me and I felt it was the best way to communicate to him my feelings

I'm coming up on the 3rd anniversary of dday. I think this one will be much better :-) It gets better with every year that passes. I haven't cried about it in more than 6 months! Be hopeful!

Just an update dday is either today but not sure of the date and I don't want to look to see cause then i'll have that date in my head. All I know it was a couple of days before Labor Day weekend. Anyway after going back and forth and changing reservations twice we are leaving today to go to Montreal. Dday weekend we went to Toronto. Montreal is a special place for us so I feel real good about it right now. We're leaving this afternoon so I'm a little nervous about driving at night because that's when "I think" but sometimes I think you have to force that feeling out and not let it control you. Easy to say at 8:00 am. Thanks for all of your support and input.

cec, you can do it. Here are some strategies. 1) Thought stopping: When you have the intrusive thought, immediately picture a stop sign in your mind and then change your thought. 2) Distraction: When you have the intrusive thought, distract yourself immediately. Turn on the radio, talk to your H, tell a joke...things like that. 3) Self talk: When you have the intrusive thoughts, immediately begin to have an inward dialogue. Tell yourself positive things. Remind yourself that you are in a different place now and that the present is where you want to be. 4) Visualization: When you have the intrusive thoughts, choose a scene that gives you peace and think about that. 5) Switch to pleasant thoughts: Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Use mantras, prayer, happy memories, etc.

Those are but a few. Wear a rubber band around your wrist. If you find yourself thinking about the A, snap the rubber band. This reminds you to use one of the above techniques. Sometimes, we need a little reminder to do that because I thoughts tend to take on a life of their own. You just need to learn how to take control of them before that happens. Eventually, you'll get to the point where you won't need the rubber band to remind you to use the techniques. I know these techniques sound simple and many we already do without realizing it, but you'd be surprised how hard it is to actively gain control of your thought life. It's like using a muscle that you've never used before. At first, you must put forth a lot of effort, but eventually it becomes second nature. However, it is all too easy to slip back into negative thinking patterns. Take it from one who knows! Have a blast this weekend and have lots of sex! Oops, did I type that out loud? lol

znz, that was great advise!

My DDay was two weeks ago but I can't remember the exact day nor do I want to remember. My 2nd DDay was last night. I hope I forget that DDay date as well.

MCHLLORTIZ, I wish you the best in working this out. Count on DS to be there to support you.

Z, that was awesome I will trying that.

Hi, I'm new to this group and really struggling with my feeeling about the affair. My D-d for the event beginning was 13th Aug and the D-day for my finding out is this Sat 10th Sept. Really don't know where to turn with how I still feel, its ok for him, he haqs got over it and forgot and is enjoying life again but I am stuck in this reliving hell....