Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
D-day 2 years later is approaching next week and still 2 years later I can remember it and feel the hurt and anger I felt then. We had a trip planned for this weekend but due to the hurricane we are postponing it. We talked about going next weekend but I'm afraid to be in the car for 6 hours on D-day. Long car rides give me time to think and unfortunately opportunity to bring up questions I may have. We asked MC her thoughts and she basically said no matter where you are it's still that day. Not really the response that I was looking for since that's something we know. So we are thinking of going the day before so we will be there for that day. What bothers me is that on D-day we had a trip planned and still went and really tried to keep things normal for the kids. In retrospect it probably helped keep us together. Anyway, what is bothering me is that is going on this trip going to be too much like D-Day or is this a great time to go out and have fun and make it a new day? It seems like the lead up to certain events regarding the A are worse than the actual day. Anyone feel like this? How do you get through D-Day? Is D-Day 2 or more years later still so fresh?
June 3rd is another. That is the day I was being told that I should never have another baby again while she showed up where he worked and offered to sleep with him right there. He worked at a waste site. She is classy like that.
Dday itself flipped me out at first but really of the three dates it was the easiest.
My wedding anniversary is June 12th (yep caught him 3 days before anniversary). That day took me a bit by surprise because I was really angry that day. Mostly at myself.
So yes, I do worse with the dates surrounding the A than the Dday itself.
September 1st will be 2 years since dday, right around the corner. As I approach it, I realize that I am SOOOOOOO much better and stronger than I was last year. I still have moments of pain, but the joys vastly outweigh the pain. My life feels back to normal. I feel like I have me back. My kids have their mom back. I have the man with whom I fell in love back. Cec, if you feel that the specter of the A will be everpresent on your trip, then why do that to yourself? If, however, you feel strong enough, then go, make some new wonderful memories and conquer that fear. Reclaim what is rightfully yours. Reclaim your joy!
State, did you feel like the lead up was worse that the actual days?
Do you guys think of the day of the week as D-Day or the actual number. Yes I'm one of those where I look at them both. I don't know if it's just the A but I think of it more the day of the week where other anniversary's (deaths, birthdays, weddings, etc) I think of as the number. I couldn't even remember the day of the week. Whereas with the A I don't remember the date but rather the day. Weird.
And yes the lead up was worse.
Or get really drunk and make our H's drive us around.
I am a year and a half past dday. I'm struggling at the moment - mainly because I just tired of the emotional crap that floats around in my head day in and day out. And like you ANYTIME I have a long period of time for my mind to wander, I just go down long dark, lonely roads that I have no business revisiting.
I think that for some of us there are certain dates that hold major significance to us because of the emotional response they illicit. For me, certain dates make me sad. They are going to make me sad. I think in the future that I am going to plan extravagant things for JUST ME on these days. A new hair style, a massage, a manicure, a splurge on Amazon..... Not to shut out my husband but to be a reward to myself for hanging in there and basically as a way to comfort myself.
From what I have read, people experience a whole range of emotions as the years go along. Some people are able to put it behind them and forge ahead. Sure they have reminders, but maybe without quite the stabbing pain. Others are just more sensitive and I have read that it does still feel like yesterday. I think each individual scenario plus your own family background / history affects your ability to get past the pain from it.
I have good days and bad days. I should be much further along because my H continues to do everything right....and I mean EVERYTHING and yet, I still hang on to the pain. So, you are no alone in your feelings.