Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
allowing yourself to FEEL
as my journey continues, I am embracing how the present becomes my reality, and how the past ceases to exist more and more
during DEC, i was having a very bad month.
one thing that I was constantly thinking about were the tattoos my wife got during the time of her behavior. she had two love birds on her shoulder and then on her wrist , an infinity symbol opening up into flying birds.
she said the love birds represented our love
the infinity symbol represented life taking flight.
little did i know what was happening at the time she got that ink.
the day she got those 2 tattoos (her first tattoos) turns out the one of the AP met her at the tattoo parlor, then then walked across the street, got in the back seat of her car , and had sex in the afternoon , in a parked car, on a busy street
i couldn't fathom how anyone could brand themselves w love for their spouse, then screw someone else minutes later
during the week after xmas, I asked my MC if she thought it would be an unreasonable request from me to my wife, if i asked my wife to have those tattoos removed.
my MC, said "no. that is not unreasonable at all"
that evening, i finally brought it up to my wife...and she immediately said "of course i will do that for you. i'll do whatever i need to do."
over the next 2 weeks, my wife looked into tattoo removal process, and even tried to see if she could modify the exiting tattoos into something different. she was more focused on the tattoos then i was
turns out, that the morning after i asked her to have them removed..... that tattoos no longer presented themselves to me as an issue. i even told her a few days later, "don't bother...they don't bother me anymore" just let it go.
at one point, i even said to her
"although i don't understand how someone could get the ink, then do the deed, i can see now, that those events had nothing to do with one another. they are separate'
so my re-processing of traumatic memories, events, dates...etc
has really made a huge shift and leap forward
its like ONCE i gave myself permission to FEEL that pain, and then gave myself permission to give voice to those thoughts and printed that request to my wife, and once she responded as she did..... the emotional distress dissipated...... I'm still not sure how it did...but i can tell you, there was a HUGE CHANGE
don't give up
believe in yourself
trust in yourself
work on yourself
find your inner strength
you can overcome this
you can move on
you can heal
you can choose to NOT let your wayward past choices define who you are today and tomorrow
you CHOOSE
forgive me as I quote RUSH
You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose freewill
as my journey continues, I am embracing how the present becomes my reality, and how the past ceases to exist more and more
during DEC, i was having a very bad month.
one thing that I was constantly thinking about were the tattoos my wife got during the time of her behavior. she had two love birds on her shoulder and then on her wrist , an infinity symbol opening up into flying birds.
she said the love birds represented our love
the infinity symbol represented life taking flight.
little did i know what was happening at the time she got that ink.
the day she got those 2 tattoos (her first tattoos) turns out the one of the AP met her at the tattoo parlor, then then walked across the street, got in the back seat of her car , and had sex in the afternoon , in a parked car, on a busy street
i couldn't fathom how anyone could brand themselves w love for their spouse, then screw someone else minutes later
during the week after xmas, I asked my MC if she thought it would be an unreasonable request from me to my wife, if i asked my wife to have those tattoos removed.
my MC, said "no. that is not unreasonable at all"
that evening, i finally brought it up to my wife...and she immediately said "of course i will do that for you. i'll do whatever i need to do."
over the next 2 weeks, my wife looked into tattoo removal process, and even tried to see if she could modify the exiting tattoos into something different. she was more focused on the tattoos then i was
turns out, that the morning after i asked her to have them removed..... that tattoos no longer presented themselves to me as an issue. i even told her a few days later, "don't bother...they don't bother me anymore" just let it go.
at one point, i even said to her
"although i don't understand how someone could get the ink, then do the deed, i can see now, that those events had nothing to do with one another. they are separate'
so my re-processing of traumatic memories, events, dates...etc
has really made a huge shift and leap forward
its like ONCE i gave myself permission to FEEL that pain, and then gave myself permission to give voice to those thoughts and printed that request to my wife, and once she responded as she did..... the emotional distress dissipated...... I'm still not sure how it did...but i can tell you, there was a HUGE CHANGE
don't give up
believe in yourself
trust in yourself
work on yourself
find your inner strength
you can overcome this
you can move on
you can heal
you can choose to NOT let your wayward past choices define who you are today and tomorrow
you CHOOSE
forgive me as I quote RUSH
You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose freewill
And just like that? It lost its power.
Way back in the day after we had our second son, I had mental and physical health complications. I would dread my husband leaving me with a newborn and toddler to go to 15+ hour work days. One day, I begged him to stay home. He was in no position to do so (military) but he agreed to, anyway. And then I didn't need him to. It was just knowing he WOULD that I needed in that moment.
Not always, but often it's the intent and commitment that matter more than the actual action to me.
Well...Im not glad that you are experiencing this.... but you know what I mean
You are right.
"and just like that...it lost its power"
thats EXACTLY how it felt for me
glad to know I'm not crazy for experiencing that!