Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I printed that "need to know" letter out and gave it to H yesterday. He said it really helped him to see where I'm at right now. So he's willing to sit down and answer any questions, but he did suggest I talk to our counselor about what questions might cause more harm than good. We haven't seen the counselor for quite some time, we both felt like we'd made good progress, but the last couple of months I've been struggling again.
So last night I started a list, but haven't talked to the counselor about it. I might see if she'll take a phone call today...
Did you ask about specific sexual stuff like oral? Did you ask if he/she made plans for the future with the OW/OM? Did you shower at her house or did she wash your clothes? Did you drive to her house together during lunch from work? Did you call her from home, did she ever call here? Is she a "shaver"? (weird question but it's something he wants me to do)
Am I just opening myself up for more hurt by knowing all the details? Am I just obsessing?
So last night I started a list, but haven't talked to the counselor about it. I might see if she'll take a phone call today...
Did you ask about specific sexual stuff like oral? Did you ask if he/she made plans for the future with the OW/OM? Did you shower at her house or did she wash your clothes? Did you drive to her house together during lunch from work? Did you call her from home, did she ever call here? Is she a "shaver"? (weird question but it's something he wants me to do)
Am I just opening myself up for more hurt by knowing all the details? Am I just obsessing?
rel8
I asked the shaving question, oral, wedding ring, calls from my kids while he was with her, what they watched on TV... I basically have asked him to be accountable for every MINUTE he was with her. Those are the easy questions, the hard ones are about his FEELINGS leading up to and during the A. For those there are no simple answers.
deleted_user
I also wanted to know every single detail. He told me and it really, really hurt. I couldn't get over it and kept picturing it. I knew about everything they had done, discussed......everything. It was really hard to get over but now I'm glad he told me because it would eat me up even more if I was still wondering. I had to know to be able to move on.
deleted_user
I agree it depends on you and whether you need to know. I personally knew that more details would just be more images I would have to try to repress in the future years. I asked how far it went, who initiated it, and was there protection used. That was all I felt I needed to know.
deleted_user
I was the same way, I did not want to know all the details. I do not know if I could have gotten those images out of my head. It happened and I asked questions the first week, but I did not want details. Regardless of the details it happened and it was hurtful, I did not feel the need to be hurt anymore knowing the rest.
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