You have a great H! He has helped me tremendously here w/ my marriage. Good for you to be open about this!And doesn't it feel good to be "creeped out" and not turned on?!
Do you think it is possible that he knows about your A and thats why he is hitting on you?

I had a situation a few days after christmas. I thought I was texting my sons iPod fee texting and it went to another number. My texts where silly and playful in nature. The other person and I exchanged a few texts. Then it continued. It was a recently divorced dad also with an 8 year old sons iPod. Somehow they gave both of our kids the same #

. Anyway he commented on how this could be fate. I said no I was happily married. I enjoyed the brief concept of this two ships passing through cyber space but quickly made it clear. He continued to text Then asked if I was Italian cause people call me Josie. I said no Irish and German. Then he got overboard saying how he has always been attracted to iris woman. I said he should go on match and put that. He brought up again the coincidence of meeting and if my marriage doesn't work out blah blah. I said goodnight and deleted number.

It went from flattering to creepy. I was clear frm get go that I was married with no intentions of anything. But most of conversation was about trivial stuff. It was periodic delayed responses over a period of a few hours.

Hi lisette,

No, it is highly doubtful this guy knows anything about her A. Unless by freak happenstance he is friends with the OM and heard about it from him, there is little likelihood he would know anything about it.

This guy is actually a co-worker at another person's hot dog stand. I don't recall, but seems the hot dog stand owner may be his wife or girl friend. Anyway, she makes very good hot dogs, and my wife for a period of time, during the 7 months of the As, would stop there frequently to get a hot dog. So that is the only contact he has had with her. But no doubt during that time my W was sending out sexy vibes, and I recall her telling me at some point that the guy flirted with her during that time. But he never interested her so nothing ever happened back then. But since dday, they have crossed paths and each time he has made flirty responses to her, as Gab described.

Here's a good poll question. I'm sure this guy will call her up, either to start flirt/sex texting or to see if she can begin cleaning his house. There are two routes we could take when this happens, as I'm sure one of the two will at some point. As Gab said, if he wants to have her clean his house/dwelling, that is not going to happen. Neither of us feels comfortable with that idea, as we are both sure his intentions would not be for her to simply clean his dwelling. So no need to convince us of that. If he starts sex/flirt texting, our response will be to simply block his number and ignore. But if he calls wanting to schedule his dwelling to be cleaned, we have two options:

Option one: she will tell him that her schedule is full and she can't add him in, then put his number on call block so he can't contact her.

Option two: she tells him that due to his flirting and inappropriate physical contact, he has made her very uncomfortable, and will not be able to clean his dwelling. Then block his number since we'll have it at that point.

#1 is more of non-confrontational, while #2 is confrontational. #1 is lying, as there is room on her schedule soon, and #2 is telling him like it is. Which the positive to that is hopefully it will send a clear signal to him that she will not tolerate any further advances of that nature and put up a wall, and if he's just the sort he reacts to everyone that way, it may cause him to evaluate his inappropriate social behavior because no one has had the balls to tell him to his face the truth.

Which one would you pick?

At this point in my struggles I would tell him in no uncertain terms that his buisiness is not welcome. Further more he appears to be the type person that you wish to have no contact with. Block number, if he continues the car flirting get the police involved so he understands this is something neither of you will stand for and that you are united in this.

I may be biased right now so take a look at my recent posts and take heed.

# 2
But it doesn't have to be confrontational, either, just matter of fact, but definitely involving the facts!!! lol

Lisette - YES! It is very good to be creeped out instead of turned on. I am constantly being aware of thoughts, reactions, etc. that indicated good progress on my part. When I thought about how the interaction made me feel it boosted my sense of security a little. STILL, I will not let down my guard. For the rest of my life. It is too important.

option # 2 seems best

Funny thing about my "vibes" when I was in the fog. I know I was giving them out before which caught the interest of the first guy but it got so much worse. Men may not be as clueless as we think, Lol. Many seemed to pick up on my vibes, including an elderly man I visit weekly in a nursing home. During that time he became very forward with me. Even calling me his mistress and touching me inappropriately. Geez! He started dissing my H and once he even asked me if I had ever cheated. That happened in the middle of my A! I am working on delicately changing that dynamic with him with a small amount of success. He is certainly no threat, but it gets awkward.

I would pick Option 3:

Cole you could always speak with him to schedule cleaning and say "Gabrielle wanted me to give you a call to schedule some cleaning, she said she wanted me to help her with this one"

Just an idea... Usually if the the OM senses that the woman has called for back up he will get the hint and be embarrassed.

Thanks for the extra option Restless. But I wouldn't do that unless I wanted to follow through, and I have no interest in doing a regular cleaning of a house because the chance I would continue it would be nil (good news, had an interview this Friday that went well, and I'm one of two or three scheduled to meet with the CEO this coming Thursday for a final interview). And there would likely be times when she would then feel required to go clean his house when I couldn't. I don't even want her to go there. No need to take on a client that creeps her out and would make me feel highly uncomfortable. She gets plenty of work as it is. She doesn't need him for his money. Neither of us wants to foster any kind of relationship with him in any positive fashion. Just way too much risk.

But nevertheless Iam, I did suggest this option myself. Lol
I agree with Cole though. I better stay out of the lions den. Already spent a good deal of time there and almost got devoured. :-)

I think it is great that you are picking up those vibes and feeling creeped out, but the accountability and responsability for what happens due to that "feeling" does not rest on your husbands shoulders or the guy who you "felt" MAY have been flirting.
Gabrielle it is up to no one but YOU...YOU control YOU and you will have nothing to worry about.

Sorry if I sound blunt...but if the guy made or makes a call YOU are the one who has to learn to deal with your feelings of being flattered by it.
I am a hair stylist and I work in a unisex salon and over the years I have had many men flirt, drop hints, hug me , try to get close to me. Believe me I am aware when I am being hit on but I ignore it, set boundries and stick to my values and the one thing I valule above all is the vow I made 29 years ago in front of God. I am not saying this to sound better. I am human and I know I could let my self get into a situation, if I wanted to. I choose not to.

I also look at it this way: If my husband would have kept appropiate boundries he would not have crossed the line after he was contacted by the OW online.

Again I may sound harsh, I guess working the 12 steps in Al_Anon have given me a sense of empowerment and the realization that we cannot control other people, places or thing;we only have control of ourselves.
WE treat people how to treat us.

I meant teach people how to treat us. I had a guy customer who was always trying to touch me and I got creeped out. He would do it with his wife there-rub my shoulders , brush up next to me, ; Iwould say things like how jealous my H was, finally one day he was making a point and said , "Isn't that right ,Olive and he patted my thigh close to my , pardon my french*crotch, Finally , I firmly said, STOP, dont touch me! -there was dead silence and it hasn't happened since. He did that in front of his wife and I Iet him know how dis -respectful that was to her. He still comes in and behaves.

oliveann,

Some good points there. We've actually discussed how she should have handled his approach, and suggested something along the lines of what you were saying. That she should have made clear her uncomfortableness with him hugging her. She thinks it was pretty obvious from her responses to him that she didn't feel comfortable, and my be why he hasn't called yet. Who knows.

But to be clear, I don't feel like she's put the responsibility on me for responding to him. She is simply letting me know what happened and we've discussed it, what her responses should be if he does text flirty messages or worse, or what to do if he wants to schedule a cleaning, which neither of us feels comfortable that she does that. She didn't even want to give him her phone number, and that will be some assertiveness training on her part. She needs to have enough guts to confront people like that and say no, she doesn't feel comfortable giving him her number or cleaning his house based on how he's acted toward her.

But if he picked up her uncomfortable vibes, he may not call after all. He may sense that she's not sending out those sexual vibes she did earlier this past year when she stopped by for a hot dog. We're hoping that is the case, but if it isn't, I want her to be ready to respond with a clear message and then block his number in case he's not the kind to get a hint.

Thanks for the reply Cole--After I replied I hoped that I communicated in a way that did not offend as that was not my intent.
Talking to you and having a plan on how to handle an uncomfortable situation shows the effort she is making to regain trust and that you two are in this together.
My H and I made a plan if the OW ever called the house.

I agree that if a client makes you uncomfortable there is no money that can worth putting up with that. With my client my H told me to tell him I was not going to cut his hair anymore; I didn't care about losing him but I enjoy having his wife as a client . Thankfully he got the message because if it would have continued, I would have done something.