Well this doesn't apply only to rape in my life, but any repeated abuse/trauma tends to cause a similar cluster of effects....i think anyway

Some of the things that I think of as my own process towards recovery:
-seriously reducing or completely eliminating physically hurting myself
-stopping drug use, whether it's used to numb or to feel; i need to realize that my reality is MINE, and it will never change if i stay high in a secondary world
-stop feeling guilty when i ask for help, even if i don't know what kind of help i need
-continue to be in the company of others i trust and love when the urge to hurt myself or use drugs arises
-if i want more out of my life, suicide is NEVER going to solve that; i will not get more if i commit suicide, it will give me nothing - which is often how i've felt when alive anyway

as always, i'll come back when i think of more

when i know im truly in recovery, i will stop taking a razor blade 2 my body and cutting, i will eat and i will stop pulling my hair out literally.
I will have the confidence to walk around my university campus and not feel beaten by everyone, i will look in the mirror and smile. I will go to sleep and dream, not suffer nightmares.
recovery is a state i thought i was in until recently, i guess i hadnt truly reached my goal.

most importantly i will know that my abuse and rape werent my fault.

when i stop using alcohol to cover thingss up, stop abusing my body, and having sex with strangers unprotected, when i stop cutting, when i can honestly say it isnt my fault, when i can say im not ashammed, when i can see him and dont fall apart for months because of it!when I can stop pretending, when i can let all my protective barriers down, and truely be me, and let the world see the real me, when i can learn to trust, to love, to understand that not all men are bastards, when i can walk down the road, and not be scared for any man walking near me, when i no longer have to give a man my body just for the fear of them raping me if i dont, when I can stand up and say no!!! I gues i have a LONG way to get yet hey???

when I don't feel so dead inside.

Recovery: getting out of bed everyday with the will to live no matter what it takes. Ignoring the urge to bleed until it disappears, not drinking until oblivian, demanding respect for my body. I dont know if I will completely reach that point, but I will not stop trying. Is anyone ever really recovered though? When I think of recovery I think back to normal... and No body ever really goes back to normal... you heal what was torn, and then you grow. Thats recovery. I now am begining to grow.

i have no idea!!!
i think I know when I get there...I imagine itll be one of those moments when your like"oh this is recovery!"
make any sense?
I feel pretty good at the moment..

Recovery begins when you realize that the way you are living is going to kill you, and you accept the opportunity to change that. Recovery begins at that moment when you realize that you have been broken... and you want to pick up the pieces and make something out of it... something so beautiful and original, something stronger.

I agree with what ShayMarie has said!!!!!!!!

ShayMarie, it sounds like time for another writing project: What pieces of myself do I keep?, Version II

I think for me, recovery will be when I can feel that it's OK to let my defenses down (with the right people of course) and not always have to be in control and on top of things.
Not sure yet how I'm going to get there, I suppose it's a case of re-assuring myself that I'm still strong even if I do let it all go now and again.

Ya got me on that one. I wish I knew how to get there.

*When i am able to sleep through the night.
*When i dont wear bells to bed.
*When i open my eyes in the morning and my everything is not a challenge. *When i dont live in fear.
*When my closet is only for my clothes to hang.
*When i dont have to consciously think how to breathe.
*When i wash like everyone else.
*When i use my tools automatically. *When i have power over my saboteur. *When my body does not ache.
*When i can truly enjoy what i do.
*When i feel in control of me.
*When i dont destroy my carvings.
*When i can believe in myself.
*When i can think rationally.
*When avoidance is not my friend.

When I can let down my walls and let people in to see who I really am. Also, when I can stop using humor to cover up pain or uncomfortableness over the topic of sex or emotion.

recovery for me will be when I don't hold my breath like the little girl I was. When I will fight instead allowing my attacker to violate me. I won't as so many of you have said self medicate with alcohol, food, or my body thinnking that if I make myself sleep with one more man I will be cured. I will run and play...great the sun..feel the rain...listen to the wind, help my sisters...and I will live...as I am to...and I will not longer need to recover myself... I will be a survivor!

Recovery's definition is in the BIG BOOK... but my personal definition is.. Not drinking or drugging! No Gossip! NO Drama Not being Nosy or minding others business... Keeping my side of the street clean.. Doing everything Legal.. How ever for me.. when I first stopped drinking/drugging I was judgement - and mean.. those were my too biggest character defects.. today I am nice to everyone even If I want to stab you in the eye.. and none judgement ONLY JESUS can Judge ....