Last summer I was raped by the one person that I had ever completely opened up to, my best friend. Towards the end of my junior year in high school, my mom went on a weekend getaway that turned into a 6 month affair. My dad's health went into a downward spiral and I was left to pick up his broken pieces. My entire summer was spent either at work or taking care of my dad(making sure he ate, took his medicine, got out of bed, etc.). I'm a very private person so I kept all of my feelings about my mothers leaving to myself. My dad is retired Air Force, but up until I was 12, my mother basically raised me. She was the only person that I had and she left me. In the beginning of the summer, one of my good friends got out of prison. We began to talk more and, eventually, I shared with him everything that was going on. He was my rock, the one person that I thought I could count on. One night, he took me on an adventure downtown and instead of taking me home afterwards. He brought me to a dead end road where no one goes and he raped me. Since this happened, my anxiety has gotten out of control, I began to self harm again,the nightmares are relentless, and the flashbacks making hanging out with friends/having relationships extremely hard. I have been to a counselor but it seemed that verbalizing things only made everything worse. I feel so hopeless, like I'll never find peace. I just want some relief from this but I don't know how to find it. I don't know how much longer I can go on living like this. I just want to feel okay again.