I am having a very hard time accepting my response while I was being raped. I said "no, please don't do this", "please stop", "please dont, please". I screamed it, "no",  over and over until he covered my mouth. I tried to fight him off, hit, kick. But he became more and more violent the more I fought him and started to beat me. He eventually pinned my wrists about my head and I couldnt move. I gave up. I stopped fighting him. I stopped trying. Yes, I still cried the whole time but I could no longer scream or fight. I keep thinking why did I say please? Yes, I was screaming and crying it, but I just feel like me saying please is a polite thing to say. I feel like I should only say "please" in a normal, civilized situation. Not while I was being violently raped. And why did I stop fighting him. I was pinned under him, all of his weight was on me, but I feel like there is more I could have done to keep trying to fight him. I could have done something. I stopped trying, I gave up. I just laid there. I let him rape me. He said afterwards that I wanted what happened. That I wanted what he did. Did he think that because I said "please", begging him to "please stop", because I stopped fighting him? Did me doing those things, stop fighting, make him think that I liked what he was doing? What did I do to make him think that I wanted him to beat and rape me?