Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
Sometimes we have a tendesy to try and easy pain with pain....I don't know why, but many of us do this, or is trying to fight the urge to do so. I've been doing good to not bring any harm to myself, however, there is one type of pain that I struggle with avoiding, and it's very confusing.
It's hard to explain, but as much as it hurts, it's almost like I want a guy to hurt me. Half of me know it's stupid, but I want a guy to push me around. Maybe I feel I deserve it. When I was assaulted, it hapened over 3 diffeent tims, with the same guy, from September 06 - around New Years 06/07. I want a guy to love me & treat me good.....but at te same time, part of me wants him to be a bit rough.......I don't get it. Maybe it could be because of the fact that my rapist never hit me. I don't understand................
Also, there have been times where I would walk by myself, even in the dark, or get into cars with strangers. Anything could've happened to me, but at the time, it's almost like I don't care. And if I'm mad or upset, I sometimes hope something would happento me...Why is this.....? It's crazy.
I'm doing a goo job stayin out of the path of danger now-dayz, but it's hard sometimes. Maybe nobody has the answers, but I would like to know why do I want this? I even dream about it sometimes, but why?
It's hard to explain, but as much as it hurts, it's almost like I want a guy to hurt me. Half of me know it's stupid, but I want a guy to push me around. Maybe I feel I deserve it. When I was assaulted, it hapened over 3 diffeent tims, with the same guy, from September 06 - around New Years 06/07. I want a guy to love me & treat me good.....but at te same time, part of me wants him to be a bit rough.......I don't get it. Maybe it could be because of the fact that my rapist never hit me. I don't understand................
Also, there have been times where I would walk by myself, even in the dark, or get into cars with strangers. Anything could've happened to me, but at the time, it's almost like I don't care. And if I'm mad or upset, I sometimes hope something would happento me...Why is this.....? It's crazy.
I'm doing a goo job stayin out of the path of danger now-dayz, but it's hard sometimes. Maybe nobody has the answers, but I would like to know why do I want this? I even dream about it sometimes, but why?
deleted_user
Maybe your mind is trying to deal with memories it can't stand by transforming them into fantasies?
aprilraven
Rape tends to reduce our internal feelings of self worth and that can create self-destructive tendencies. So can underlying guilt. I've also found that I want to experience a pain that detracts from the pain I'm feeling inside from the rape. A distraction of sorts. As you heal, this will subside, at least it has for me.
daizye
I agree with aprilraven it might be a form of self destruction. Perhaps you have low self esteem so that you dont care what happens to you? So why not put yourself in danger you have nothing else to loose, is that how you feel? If so you are not crazy you suffering from the effects of the attacks, please try and be careful you are worth so much more.......take care
deleted_user
I completely understand. I was raped and feel the same way, and do the samethings. My rapist didn't hit me either. Maybe it's our way of distracting the emotional pain, physical, and mental pain with just physical pain to distract us you know? Everybody handles rape differently, because we're all different. Please feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
101swoop101
Thanks everyone. At first I admit I did feel I had nothing to loose, esp after it first happened-like Daizye said. But Now....I know I am worth life & happiness. It's been almost 4 years, & I felt for a while now, that I was getting over it. It's just confusing why I still struggle with this, when I'm doing so much better.......& as far as memories go, there are things I never have been able to remember. Even after it happened, I've always had holes in my memories. I don't know why. But I am trying to not be this way.....it's just hard sometimes...
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