Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
Suppose you had it in your power to influence how therapists, crisis centers, state agencies, religious bodies, and advocates for rape victims conducted their work. How do you think services for survivors should be enhanced?
For example, we know that state crisis agencies already have counseling programs in place (and mostly free). We know that VAWA now pays for medical care for rape victims, and VOCA provides ways for rape victims to seek financial support from state funds. We know that women's crisis centers have advocates who are trained to assist a victim through the forensic and investigation processes.
But beyond that stuff, what next? What's missing in the journal of recovery? Where does it seem to all fall short? Suppose you went through the system--as it exists now--and received the hospital care and the free counseling (for as long as you could stand it, anyways). In most cases, that's just about where support for survivors ends. You get set loose, on your own, to make your way as best you can.
So in your best imaginations, what else should be happening to assist survivors' ongoing recovery needs?
For example, we know that state crisis agencies already have counseling programs in place (and mostly free). We know that VAWA now pays for medical care for rape victims, and VOCA provides ways for rape victims to seek financial support from state funds. We know that women's crisis centers have advocates who are trained to assist a victim through the forensic and investigation processes.
But beyond that stuff, what next? What's missing in the journal of recovery? Where does it seem to all fall short? Suppose you went through the system--as it exists now--and received the hospital care and the free counseling (for as long as you could stand it, anyways). In most cases, that's just about where support for survivors ends. You get set loose, on your own, to make your way as best you can.
So in your best imaginations, what else should be happening to assist survivors' ongoing recovery needs?
I'm nearly coming to the end of my year now of counselling (the maximum number of weekly sessions they can offer); it feels as though things are starting to 'wrap up' naturally anyway so I'm not too worried about that.
What would I like to see happen next?
Seeing how many of us here are still struggling financially, myself included right now, perhaps a lot of us could benefit from some more practical-based advice or support in improving our prospects for work, even self-employment?
Perhaps some kind of confidence-building training to help us adapt from unemployment (sometimes long-term) to being in a work environment again?
My counsellor happens to be a life-coach in her day job so she has used one of our appointments to have a more practical session like this, just to look at my CV. But I know a lot of people wouldn't get that kind of help in counselling.
Perhaps also practical help with things like childcare for some of us, while we're trying to get back on our feet?
What about community/mutual support groups where more women could get together and 'pool' what skills we do have - whether it's career-building advice or simply practical diy repairs, if that makes it easier for us to survive day to day?
I'm sure other people will think of lots of different things, I just thought I'd throw these ideas into the ring to start off with.
But the ongoing support seems to peter down and it is hard to get out there and start again.....confidence and self esteem i could not find....i have a 'professionally trained' mentor now, truly brilliant, best thing for where i am now........challenging to say the least, but the progress is seen everyday, the ups and downs are many but because i push myself, it is a 2 year program but has other companies that lead on from here, eg: to gain back employment and be able to fully function 'normally' Not everyone does the 2 years, it is what you need as an individual.
Mentally for me it is like someone holding my hand.........but in reality, i am doing it on my own.
I think support for loved ones is important too. Giving them tools to deal with the survivors feelings as well as their own.
And I agree that after the initial crisis counseling, life-coach type sessions would be valuable too. Being able to improve yourself helps rebuild the confidence you've lost.
* Have you been a victim of violent crime?
* Did the crime occur in *name of state*?
* Was the crime reported to Law Enforcement?
* Did you cooperate fully with Law Enforcement?
* Did you have expenses as a result of the crime?
* Did the crime occur within the last two years?
If you answered yes to ALL the above questions, then you may be eligible for compensation. ========
Personally, I'd like to see things changed on the above. I was raped years ago, but today is when I could most use financial help. Rape Trauma Syndrome didn't show it's ugly head until now... affecting my ability to work.
I also didn't report the crimes and would like to see RTS/PTSD entered as a factor to determine whether someone has been raped and if compensation is a possibility. (Not rely solely on if you reported it or not.)
I know there is a need for certain criteria to be met, but it's a shame that it's this narrow.
*Case management, for economic and employment hardships;
*Better training for therapists so therapists will "get it" more;
*Social support groups where survivors can meet and enhance one another's strengths
Does there need to be some sort of "activism" opportunity for survivors? For example, more chances to do things like "Take back the night", prayer vigils, marches and demonstrations, concerts, etc.?
What about spiritual needs? I get the sense that one thing missing in the "survivor's journey" is some sense of ceremony, a commemoration of accomplishment, a rite-of-passage marker that profoundly indicates a reborn status, restored strength. Locally, I do this with a select few patients by inviting them through the Native American sweatlodge ceremony (a difficult and inspiring cleansing/purification prayer ceremony), and those of you who are coming to the Wilderness Retreat for Survivors this May will have the chance to do that. But that's just one example...should there be some formalized, sacred experience organized for women, so that being a "survivor" feels like more than just being defeated and alone? Something creative that women's groups could start? Be creative here; I need lots of imaginative ideas!
What about gatherings for survivors to come together and bond? This was the original idea for the Wilderness Retreat, but it doesn't have to stop there. Should there be these types of events all over? Wilderness retreats, powwows, cookouts, ropes courses, etc. just for women to meet one another, form bonds, and overcome that "I'm so alone" feeling?
Thanks--keep the ideas coming!
I love the idea of some kind of ceramony and also the actvism oportunities but again this isn't something i would want to rush into too soon, I think it is only now over 4 years later that I could think about doing that. I think it would be great to have opportunities for survivors in the 'second phase' of recover if you know what i mean.
For me the biggest help would be some kind of addiction, self harm support as this was something I had to find elsewhere in the end and the places that I had to go to were very intimidating espechially being a female with trust issues around men
but I also feel very lucky with the support that I did recieve
On the activism front, I think the people who are that way inclined will always find something to do (see my other post about dealing with the local sex pests ;)
I've also mentioned to my counsellor this evening that I would like to help if I can with any future fund-raising events that they run, so I'm hoping they'll keep me on their mailing list for that.
Perhaps this is one of those areas where the best approach is to let survivors know which organisations are out there, mention opportunities to campaign or give other support, and then the seed is planted if anyone wants to explore that for themselves.
More support for those who are supporting us. My boyfriend was lucky enough to find a good counselor who has been trained in dealing with situations like his. We are lucky enough to be able to put out the $25 she is charging (sliding scale) for each session. Finding support for a supporter is more difficult than finding it for the one who survived the initial trauma.
Also, I think that activist events would be awesome! I love to run and was looking into a 5K run or walk or just something that would bring survivors and those who support them together. I, in particular just found one that my boyfriend and I will be participating in here in Colorado on April 24th. We leave for Mexico the morning of the 25th, but I want to have that empowered feeling (and maybe a little less of the secretive/taboo feeling) before I go, so we are going. I think making events like this that draw awareness more prevalant would be awesome!
Counselling might have helped pull me out of feeling suicidal, but later a lot of family and friends simply didn't have a clue how to cope with the 'new' me. I was quite unprepared for some of the problems that would erupt on that head later, after I'd finished counselling.
Yes, alot of it was just negative people who I needed out of my life in the longer term; but perhaps with some extra support I could have found a way to re-build bridges in a way that felt more comfortable to me?
And considering how soon I met my ex-husband after finishing counselling, perhaps some extra support at that time might have helped me spot some of the warning signs that he was maybe not to be trusted!
-Inspirational speakers like victims whove made it through the healing process as well as people from the psychological community (I sometimes think hearing from others that it can get better might have helped me stay motivated and feel less helpless)
-Open mike session where survivors can share their inspiring poetry
-An area for displaying survivor artwork
-Offer necklaces, pins or bracelets with symbols of hope and strength
-Some kind of ceremony for acknowledging the strength it takes to start the healing process where attendees receive some symbol signifying strength
-Breakout brainstorming sessions on ways to improve awareness (and these sessions)
-Trust building activities (like falling backwards into someones arms)
-An all about me area with different ideas on how to treat yourself (READ: escape in a healthy way) with things like aromatherapy, music, individual rituals, etc.
As for the spiritual side and ceremonies, I think its a good idea, but kind of think its difficult to settle on just one. Different stages of healing may find different types more or less rewarding. Like in the anger stage, rebuilding or redesigning something thats been destroyed might be very satisfying. Or in the depression stage, something more motivational like working through a difficult task like the ropes course might be more rewarding. Im struggling with that one, but still think its a good direction.
The big thing here is awareness though. We could schedule and coordinate these things all we want, but if were not reaching others, then its very limited. Still helpful to the ones involved, but it could be more. Thats why I think there needs to be more information about rape and the resources available to victims out there. I never had a clue there were any resources at all until recently. I keep thinking about what they've done with Susan G. Komen or even with fibromyalgia (which I have) ribbon week, races, things to buy, fundraising drives, etc. I believe being actively involved in trying to make a difference for others is a great way to help heal and build confidence (seeing how far youve come by what youre accomplishing). And in a way, de-stigmatizing rape. By that I mean trying to reduce the its not something we talk about mentality.
And I love the "open mic" poetry idea--maybe we oughta do that at our Wilderness Retreat for Survivors in May!
I do think a spiritual or ceremonial aspect is missing and needed badly, but I also share the same concern about anything of this sort being conventionalized and standardized by an agency. It needs to be unique to the situation, designed personally, not "part of our program".
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www.resurrectionafterrape.org