It's been 17 years since the rape that shattered my world and 3 since the last one. I know how you feel when you say you still feel like it's somewhat your fault. I do too. But my tdoc said that that is normal and the only one to blame is him. I'm here if you need to talk. Just remember, in time it's gonna get easier. I don't know how much time it takes as I'm still dealing with it myself but it takes time.

It's been 7 years for me, and it's getting easier because I don't have to see my rapist, and I have my faith.

I don't see mine either but I still have the nightmares and the flashbacks so it's not as easy as I was hoping.

I think it comes and goes in episodes, but I don't think you can put a time frame on full recovery. It's still going to be something that happened. Try to distract your mind with positive things when your mind begins to wonder into that dreary place, and just remind yourself of the truth that you did not cause your rape.

I wouldn't hold much hope for justice from society. Send him divine justice instead. He is not getting away with what he caused you, rest assured. Even though you may never be made aware of it, he'll reap in abundance what he sowed, have no doubt about it.

I still see him occasionally, that's usually a setback for me. I've tried so many things to try and distract myself but nothing seems to work. It can be so hard to stay focused sometimes.

Yeah I him each week, and sometimes try to avoid looking at him because he's obviously a trigger but then other times I'm totally cool. Though I've noticed it gets easier with time and effort.

My first was about 6 years ago now, and around 3 since the last one. I have felt much the same as you for a long time and still do, but what I'd like to offer as a bit of hope is that there are days where it is genuinely easier. Fun things or people make you smile and you can enjoy being you again for a bit. Sometimes you feel a bit stronger than you normally do and a tiny part of you wakes up and gets angry and for once it's at them, not at you, and it's terrible but wonderful all at once! The anger can make you crave for justice, but the fact that a part of you strikes out and says"No! This was not my fault! There is no excuse for what they've done!" is so liberating, even if it only lasts for a few minutes and it's undeniably good for you to see that every now and again. There are times I look back and feel like I've made no progress at all, but on some days little things remind you how far you've come and this too can spur your recovery on. I'm not going to tell you you'll be all better one day, because it still happened, it will always be a terrible tragedy, and there won't come a day where it will stop being wrong, but what I can tell you is that if you take it one day at a time, the number of good days does start to go up, and it starts to become worth all the hard work. It's a bit of a roller coaster, and it's no fun, no fun at all. But with the right support and encouragement you can go so far to recovery and acceptance that life can feel normal one day. I'm sure you can.

Please feel free to send me a message any time. I still see mine in the street sometimes too... So I know what that can be like and I don't want you to dwell on that alone, because I know what it can do. If you ever see them, and need to talk, or just feel like you need to talk anyway, I'll be here. :)

Take care. xx

I know how you feel its been 5 years for me and I still have night terrors about it.

justice probably wasn't . ok I had the sex abuse by the paedos.
you get injuries and even when youre older they come back.
there were other kids. weve had 4 court sessions so far.
I got paid costs for concealment and attacking me again.
so that was 1900 ($3015). but I never got paid the damage yet anyway
about as they say a small car accident. it was over a religion
actually a jehovahs witness. its like curse the day you saw them stuff,
but its like that one event keeps recurring, they keep up the attacks
over not liking it as well, so you get attacked then you cant get rid of it. its what I complained of its like look whyyyy have I got this in my life still ? hen you get other jokers like social workers
who don't understand don't argue there it is F***** there down the court. then you get the blokes cop friends getting narky trying to get him or them off the charges. and yes the others do conceal with them, I was told once don't bother other people get nervous.
that was by a medical worker in the uk. the ttheyy refuse them the data at times coz he attack shows up where you reported the injuries. then you get the problem of having to report others
where they were attacked too. we did know of multiple "tries"
by different people. all from the same group, some already done before elsewhere an they move to ore area and start again.
so its like ripper(area1) ripper (area2) now in area 1.
but yea im still trying t get his religion out at times let alone them.
but yea tthats wha I complained of just unable to get them away from you after or get rid of the whle affair. oure not wrong it is like that, and yes they blame you, I was a 10 year old paedo didn't you know ?? aand then you get other little snippets, like ohhh were you watched on the toilet too ?
I had the one in the uk with tthat other stuff too if you saw it.
its not unknown to me for somebody to do it again.
and yes it is their fault, theres no excuse. mean one guy told me
"his human side came thru" he was a minister un fortunately for the 4th time, croydon had a problem with him too when he lived there.
now is that youre fault ? it isn't is it. I could bore you further but you get the iidea probably. I mean im not a member so go away
don't move next door like you did . but yea I mean the records now say I went to court and was compensated. fine now im a paedo abused child everywhere. do you ever get rid of them or it ???????
but yes basically. I hope youre ok lots of love xxxxxxx