Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
Hey all,
Apologies in advance if this is too long or if i swear because I suppose swearing is not proper or whatever,
Anyway just an update.
Since the assault, life, has been nothing but downhill. When i scream and cry and just want the pain to be over and think life couldnt be any worse than this, life looks at me with an evil smirk and says "LOL WANNA BET?"
So you know i relapsed , im still on that boat. I quit my job , i got tired of breaking my back and exhausting myself on top of everything else going on and none of my effort being good enough. Everything i did got thrown out , insulted , laughed at from the minuet i was employed. Basically i was ganged up on my boss was mad at me for personal reasons so she told our bosses i was being rude, not showing up on time bblah blah blah, so crooked. I wasnt even given a chance to defend myself and yelled at like a child who had made a mess. I was told my hours where cut to " well call you when we need you "and i was done. It was so messed up really because not only was my boss my boss she was a close friend. She ended up taking all the credit for my project i put all the work into . But thats my fucking life right? one fucked up thing after the other.
My sister and i dont talk anymore and that fucking hurts . She was my bestfriend. The only person i had in my life, i am completely and utterly alone. She got a boyfriend and since then its like , i dont exist or matter.I KNOW it sounds like im being overdramatic but that exactly how it went down. a Literal cut off in communication almost the minuet they got together and i dont understand .
My mom is ignoring me . I ignore her as well . I was pissed at her which is normal for a daughter , because she was letting my sisters boyfriend be alone with her in the house , shes 14 dammit ! My moms drinking again . But i messaged her back eventually and now shes not answering me.
Thats not normal or okay, a daughter supposed to get pissed and ignore her mother a mother is supposed to be annoying and care and talk to her children no matter what ! what the fuck.
But Shes never loved me. Im not just saying that either.
I asked her if i could move in for a little til i get the money saved to get an apt because where im living is toxic and always has been, i live with alcoholics and they get pretty mean and abusive. They're draining my money. im taking care of all the essentials and theyre blowing money on drinks and junk food. they dont even buy toilet paper. Food. Nothing,
Between the two of them they drink a 30 rack a night. Keep us up until 4am when we have work.
Anyway, yeah i explained it to her and she wont answer, Honestly the only reason i ignored her is because after everything , sending me a FB message asking to go out for coffee? Really? No phone call? You cant come to my house ? No apology? You cant even address the issue at hand instead you act like everythings peachy ? Fuck that. I wanted effort. For once. An apology for once, to be told your proud of me for once. To ask me how IM doing. for once.
She never answered me when she knows her daughter is suffering.
Im being treated worse than trash here. Pouring all my money into it with no other choice and cant even eat my own food or say a sentence without being out down , insulted or being called a name .
but, i just got an application for an apartment down the street . and i can afford it. its perfect. I prayed to GOD for the first time in ages last night begging him , begging him to just let one miracle happen, to take the wheel and let me have this apt . To please get me out of this hell and I WILL straighten my life out , i WILL start attending church and praying as soon as i get out of here, otherwise i dont have the strength , the mentality to be ok here. I just cant its so toxic here. I KNOW if i got out and got my own place my life would be positive full of god and i would get sober , stay sober. You dont have to believe me but you will see in time. I just CANT take it here sober, u dont understand. Hopefully god will understand.
I will cry tears of joy running down my face turning into a river
the day i am free of this misery , this river will give life to a new , positive, sober life. Full of peace and love.
Now im just waiting for an application and to see the place.
And praying.
Hoping.
Apologies in advance if this is too long or if i swear because I suppose swearing is not proper or whatever,
Anyway just an update.
Since the assault, life, has been nothing but downhill. When i scream and cry and just want the pain to be over and think life couldnt be any worse than this, life looks at me with an evil smirk and says "LOL WANNA BET?"
So you know i relapsed , im still on that boat. I quit my job , i got tired of breaking my back and exhausting myself on top of everything else going on and none of my effort being good enough. Everything i did got thrown out , insulted , laughed at from the minuet i was employed. Basically i was ganged up on my boss was mad at me for personal reasons so she told our bosses i was being rude, not showing up on time bblah blah blah, so crooked. I wasnt even given a chance to defend myself and yelled at like a child who had made a mess. I was told my hours where cut to " well call you when we need you "and i was done. It was so messed up really because not only was my boss my boss she was a close friend. She ended up taking all the credit for my project i put all the work into . But thats my fucking life right? one fucked up thing after the other.
My sister and i dont talk anymore and that fucking hurts . She was my bestfriend. The only person i had in my life, i am completely and utterly alone. She got a boyfriend and since then its like , i dont exist or matter.I KNOW it sounds like im being overdramatic but that exactly how it went down. a Literal cut off in communication almost the minuet they got together and i dont understand .
My mom is ignoring me . I ignore her as well . I was pissed at her which is normal for a daughter , because she was letting my sisters boyfriend be alone with her in the house , shes 14 dammit ! My moms drinking again . But i messaged her back eventually and now shes not answering me.
Thats not normal or okay, a daughter supposed to get pissed and ignore her mother a mother is supposed to be annoying and care and talk to her children no matter what ! what the fuck.
But Shes never loved me. Im not just saying that either.
I asked her if i could move in for a little til i get the money saved to get an apt because where im living is toxic and always has been, i live with alcoholics and they get pretty mean and abusive. They're draining my money. im taking care of all the essentials and theyre blowing money on drinks and junk food. they dont even buy toilet paper. Food. Nothing,
Between the two of them they drink a 30 rack a night. Keep us up until 4am when we have work.
Anyway, yeah i explained it to her and she wont answer, Honestly the only reason i ignored her is because after everything , sending me a FB message asking to go out for coffee? Really? No phone call? You cant come to my house ? No apology? You cant even address the issue at hand instead you act like everythings peachy ? Fuck that. I wanted effort. For once. An apology for once, to be told your proud of me for once. To ask me how IM doing. for once.
She never answered me when she knows her daughter is suffering.
Im being treated worse than trash here. Pouring all my money into it with no other choice and cant even eat my own food or say a sentence without being out down , insulted or being called a name .
but, i just got an application for an apartment down the street . and i can afford it. its perfect. I prayed to GOD for the first time in ages last night begging him , begging him to just let one miracle happen, to take the wheel and let me have this apt . To please get me out of this hell and I WILL straighten my life out , i WILL start attending church and praying as soon as i get out of here, otherwise i dont have the strength , the mentality to be ok here. I just cant its so toxic here. I KNOW if i got out and got my own place my life would be positive full of god and i would get sober , stay sober. You dont have to believe me but you will see in time. I just CANT take it here sober, u dont understand. Hopefully god will understand.
I will cry tears of joy running down my face turning into a river
the day i am free of this misery , this river will give life to a new , positive, sober life. Full of peace and love.
Now im just waiting for an application and to see the place.
And praying.
Hoping.
LoveAlice
I hope it all works out. I wouldn't count on God. If looking to him helps that's good but he usually doesn't give a crap if people are struggling.
valgal18
i hope it all works out for you.....i don't believe in God, but if you look to Him for help and that helps you then go for it.....keep us updated!!!
KianaG2096
When i was living with my mom still, after my first assault, i would pray everyday for hours. Just pleading begging for help, for the pain to stop , for my mom to love me and care and stop abusing me . But nothing ever happened until i hit her back one day, i went to juvey . After i got out it just got worse and worse then i met a guy. Everything was great, life was amazing until realized how bad his parents alcoholism is, until the verbal abuse started from them. Fat , lazy , ugly , bitch , worthless, whore etc...everything you can imagine while i pulled my life together despite the trauma. I got a job finished school, went to college. Raised my little sister part time because my moms a severe pill addict and only cares about getting high. At first i thought my prayers were answered in a sick kind of way then realized i only got myself stuck in a slightly less bad situation. The only difference is im not abused physically, atleast not as much as i used to be. I feel loved in the darkest way by my fiance, but i feel loved period. Ive never felt love before so this is as close as it gets. So now i pray to get out of here and get this place even if i end up in a slightly less shitty place than here. Anything is better than here and my moms. So its not much to hope for and pray for but its something . Thanks all
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