This is more of less an attempt to begin again. I am not sure when exactly I withdrew from humanity but somehow it has happened. I managed to become more and more isolated as the years have gone by. As apposed to dealing with the issue and healing I have reverted and gone backwards. I first notice there was an issue upon attending a friends birthday. I managed to stay all of 7 minutes before becoming physically ill and being forced to leave the party. There were far to man people and definitely way to many men in the room for me. Drinks started flowing from the get go. Not immature high school drinking but adult conversation and wine drinking. I should have felt perfectly ok.
Bailey is 8 now and it has been 9 years since I was attacked. 9 years seems like a sufficient amount of time to recover from someone's malicious intent. Enough time to move on. Maybe find someone. Be happy for a change.
Instead I bury myself in work. I help raise my nieces and nephews. I fill my days with so much work and activities at home that I have no time to think about the pain. It has allowed me to survive. Surviving isn't living though. It has taken me 9 years to figure this out.