I already shared my story on here but unfortunately even with therapy sessions every week I can’t seem to get over this and I would like to reach out again to hear from people with similar stories and words of support.

On St. Patty’s Day weekend I was at a party and I got really drunk. Towards the end of the party I was laying on the couch almost passed out like everything was spinning and blurring out. My friend grabbed me and told me we were gonna go upstairs and when we got up there she took me into the hallway and pointed to a room and told me to go in there. I walked in and a guy closed the door behind me. this guy happened to be one of my friend’s older brother. i was just standing there so confused and out of it. and he goes “so like I don’t want any strings attached or anything since i’m in college but if you’re down for this then so am I”. I remember feeling too drunk to do anything and I didn’t know if he would get mad if I left. so I sat on the bed and he kissed me and asked if that was okay and it was. but then all of a sudden he sat down next to me on the bed and he got on top of me & he unbuttoned my pants and slid them down and I remember laying there panicking thinking there was no way out, thinking I was trapped. i was too drunk to function and I couldn’t figure out a way to make it stop. i don’t remember him taking my underwear off or initially penetrating me because I kept blacking out. but i remember all of a sudden feeling a lot of pain. it hurt so badly and all i could do was lay there and wait for it to be over. I had accepted defeat. my head was at the end of the bed banging against the wall with each thrust and all i remember from there is slowly feeling my body just stop responding. i felt like it was a dream. it didn’t feel real. i didn’t feel anything anymore. and then my eyes closed for good. when i woke back up he was done. i turned over or sat up or something and he was standing over me telling me he used a condom but i didn’t remember him ever taking one out or putting it on or taking it off and i never saw a wrapper. so i don’t know if i was just blacked out or if he just never used one. then he layed down next to me i think and asked how it was. i remember feeling scared and violated and blaming myself for not being able to do anything about it. I left the room and went to my friends to tell them I blacked out and he didn’t stop but no one seemed to think that it was an issue. but i did. and i still do and no one can understand how I feel right now. i’m ashamed and embarrassed and i feel like it’s my fault because I was too drunk to stop him. I physically couldn’t comprehend anything or speak too many words or have the power to get him off of me. I felt trapped and scared and helpless and now whenever I close my eyes I picture myself back in that room wishing someone would come help me.