Thank you for the encouragement at the end and I agree with you on everything else you said. Plus if it was "just sex" I wouldn't feel pain and shame like this. People need to be aware that rape is not "just sex." My dad doesn't quite grasp this concept/rule/truth either, which makes it very difficult to talk to him about what happened to me, both when I was a child and what happened recently. You be sure and stay strong as well!

thanks for the encouragnement and positive note at the end....i totally agree with you!!!! i actually saw a counselor at my college b/c i was really anxious around one of my anniversary's and i went to talk to her about it b/c i wasn't able to see my therapist that week.....i hadn't seen this certain counselor before and she actually blamed ME saying that i should have seen the red flags and when i insisted there weren't any she said,"well you shouldn't have been so blind.." needless to say, my therapist was furious with this woman and we spent almost the whole session going over this.....about it, "just being sex" is SO not true.....if it was "just sex" hiow could we be so hurt by it??? how could we battle a lifetime of triggers, flashbacks, nightmares and anniversaries???? it's crazy.....no one will ever know, unless they've been through it

Thank you...people do this to me all the time. I live in constant fear...because I don't want sex. I never wanted sex....and it's only a matter of time before someone does this to me again. I don't really see any difference between the two, though people sometimes tell me there is...It makes me so afraid because it's only a matter of time before someone forces me to have sex again.... it's...terrible.

Thanks for the replies! It's good to hear from others.

Arising, so sorry to hear that your Dad doesn't quite understand. Just know that you have a ton of people who support you on here, and are willing to listen anytime!

Valgal18, wow the school counselor was SO wrong, and I'm glad you were able to realize that she was! Your therapist sounds like tremendous help. I've had some not so great of counselors as well who have made me feel much worse about myself. It's too bad that not every counselor can be supportive and helpful, because people really do need that. I'm so sorry you have had such a bad experience like that.

Sempermedusa, hang in there! Fear of being raped again is such a terrible feeling, and it does consume most of your days. Hope you don't mind me asking, but are you seeing a counselor? Are you afraid of being raped again because someone who could hurt you has access to you? If so, please tell someone and get help.

I'm not seeing a counselor, because I found it doesn't really help me much. He doesn't have access to me, but I am afraid because anyone could hurt me. I am afraid that if I fall in love I will be raped, and I am afraid because I will be at sea for four months with very very limited contact to everyone I know. I am afraid of what the guys on the ship and in port will do and I am afraid of the desperate loneliness I feel sometimes, that it could lead me to put myself in a dangerous situation and it could happen again. I know that "corrective rape" is common in South Africa...and I don't want sex or kids. I am not what a woman ought to be, so I am worried it could happen there, or I could get tricked by someone in Morocco and become a sex slave. I'm just....well, I am very scared of all of that.