I get nervous over gynecologist visits too, although I just squelched it during the time I was pregnant because keeping our baby healthy and seeing him grow - it just was such a joyous thing that the ugliness of rape got very tiny in comparison. After I hit menopause, however, gyn appointments started getting painful and I have been avoiding them. I'm going on Medicare in a couple of weeks, so I'll have access to health care without the giant deductible I've had up until now, and I'll have to speak up.
On the Resurrection After Rape website there are handouts you can give to medical providers about rape survivor issues. I don't really want to share that info with my providers, so I'm just gonna speak up and tell them I want them to be gentle, and not to shove anything into me or yank anything out of me quickly, because it hurts and makes me bleed. And I'll make an appointment with a woman - that makes me feel more comfortable. As far as mammograms, I always tell them to take it easy, and I try to be funny about it so that they don't get defensive. But I'm telling you - if men had to get scrotograms, the people who invent these tests would figure out a better way to check for lumps. Mercy!
I would just plan on speaking up and speaking out - these medical personnel are in your employ, and you shouldn't hesitate to give them feedback. The more feedback they get, the more aware they'll be.
Good luck and have joy!

I agree completely. but make sure you have a woman, she will be way more caring. Lets pray for strength . god bless you take care isabee

Just recently gave birth to a healthy baby boy four months ago, so I can relate to the fears.

Just be open and honest about what you are feeling and what your fears are. Or, if you are uncomfortable with the direct approach, you don't necessarily have to say that you are a survivor, just say that you are sensitive and have a hard time with exams. I was open and honest and it helped me to have my OB/GYN talk me through what was going on. I also had a midwife and the combination made a huge difference. My Ob/gyn had a great sense of humor, which helped ease anxiety I had before appointments and helped me through labor and delivery. I had a few issues with my pregnancy, and had to see a second doctor for my pregnancy, a perinatal specialist, and he was also a man but was very knowledgeable.

To me personally, I was okay during exams, but I always had a support person with me to hold my hand also to help me ease some anxiety. I had a harder time during the first few exams, so it might be helpful to have a support person with you for the first few exams. It helped me to read about what my body was going through to have a general idea of what to expect, but to also have some questions for me to focus on instead of what was going on during exams. But appointments were always exciting because there was always some happy news for me to take home :)

During my pregnancy I was mostly afraid of labor, delivery, and breast feeding. I was afraid of the loss of control, the fear of being so exposed, and fear of things not going according to plan. I was very afraid of breastfeeding. I ended up having a hard time emotionally during labor and delivery. Several family members wanted to be in the room to watch my son being born, which I thought I was okay with until I was actually in labor and was having a hard time staying present. Not so much because of the pain, but because of being so exposed and having no control over my body. But my doctor and husband talked me thorough my anxiety and I was okay.

Best of luck to you! Being a parent has been such a rewarding experience for me that changed me for the better. Feel free to chat at any time if you ever need someone to talk to!